What happened to the intimacy a husband and wife are supposed to share?

Question

Why is it so difficult to keep a marriage together and why is itso difficult to communicate?

I keep thing shaken up when it is appropriate. Boredom is not the problem. He is in Iraq and I just don't understand why he can not talk to me. I am always here for him I always support him and I always give him feedback in a positive way.

Answer 1

Nancy, I think that over time a husband and wife can become complacent and just expect it to occur. However, staying married, being initimate (both sexual and non-sexual) requires time and effort in order to keep things fresh and new - especially when work, children, friends start to interfere.

Answer 2

Most of the time people just do not take the time to be intimate with each other and communicate and talk or even spend any time together for that matter. They marry for the wrong reasons to begin with. If people would just take time together and communicate and work through things together then it would not be so difficult and hard to keep the marriage together now would it? I love this question and thanks so much for asking it and bringing this up. People need to make marriage a top priority on their list instead of a low priority that does not mean much. Marriage is what you make of it. If it becomes a top priority in someones life over work and money and things like that then it is more likely to last and be successful. BUT if you do not put time in to it at all and give it its proper place then it will fall apart and not last. Pre marrital counseling is important too and knowing each other real well and learning to communicate before marriage is key too.

http://www.marriagetoday.org

Answer 3

it's difficult because you make it that way. You have to learn to let things go. I am sure you are holding onto something that hurt you. 2007 is the year of breakthrough. if you want your marriage to work this is the year you have to work at it. If you don't think that your husband find you attractive then change something. Cut your hair, put some weave in it.. Anything different that you think will get him to at least take a second look. Go get something sexy to wear to bed and some smell good perfume. Make the first move don't wait for him. Show your husband that you are still attracted to him, that may be just what the problem is. Both parties feel like they are not good enough for each other, but know body is saying anything. Show your husband the reason why you married him... Bring the freak back out. every once in a while.

Answer 4

Any marriage is hard work! They don't tell you that before you get married, but it is the hardest job you will ever have. Communication is the key to a successful marriage and a successful marriage will net a very healthy intimate life together.

If you are communicating your needs, wants, desires and dreams for your future together, the intimacy part falls right into place. You will find you WANT to be with your husband or wife!

I've been married 20 years and love him more with every passing day. We have no secrets, we talk about everything and our intimate life is not as often as it used to be, but is just as good if not better than ever.

Don't give up! Marriage is worth every single second spent!

Answer 5

I think a lot of marriages fail because of life itself.When a couple gets married they want to start out and enjoy life.As time goes by kids come along more bill's add up.They find the things that were once easy to do and were fun are now something that cost to much or they just don't have the time to do them.Trying to have a family,a home and paying the bills is a full time job.As time goes by they have to forget about some of the things they want and focus on the things they have to have in order to live.Now is when the intimacy and conversation usually start to get pushed aside because of lack of time or energy.Both partners feel the stress on the relationship but they are so caught up in struggle to maintain their life style that the relationship goes lacking.At this point most couples seem to forget each other and this is where it begins to fall apart.We all tend to get to wrapped up in our own wants and needs while forgetting about our partners.

Answer 6

I don't think it is that difficult to keep a marriage together as long as there is communication. And if the marriage is a good one it is not difficult to communicate. Sounds like a circular argument, and it probably is. But it is true none the less

Answer 7

Add some flavor. It's not difficult - it's work. Cook a special dinner - watch and adult film. Don't overthink things and just talk about positive stuff. Spend a couple weeks like that and it will turn around. As long as there is still love.

Answer 8

Some of it is probably because he is in Iraq (please tell him thanks for serving). It's a whole different ball park than being here state side. And, I'm sure that with the war going on, plus a possible time limit on the phone, etc. could be effecting his communication with you. Marriages have their up and down time-this may be one of them. Plus, he has to consider that he has to watch what he tells you-some stuff is classified. He probably missies you terribly. Please, if you have time, sometime when he calls, or via letter, let him know that you feel a lack of intimacy with him. Ask him how he feels about the intimacy level he feels you are giving him. Intimacy, I'm sure you know, means to do with closeness. So, I'm thinking that the closeness you feel you are lacking is because of this situation. Please continue to let him know you love him, miss him, and are waiting for him to come home. I hoope this helps. Take care.

Answer 9

I think that it is boredom that creeps into the marital relationship. Out of boredom comes a ton of really bad stuff. The excitement is gone and so is the desire to know everything that your partner is thinking. Remember when that was oh so important? Complacency is a killer.

Answer 10

You spend all that time revealing who you are so they will fall in love with you and then you get married and are afraid to reveal who you are because you are afraid they won't like it.