unhappy can somebody take me out of this misery?

Question

I am marred have a child that is 3 years old. I have a problem with my husband. He is always spending time with his friends watching soccer. I ask him that cant we have time to spend together or go to the movies or something. He tells me he dosnt like movies. I just tell him to try and be roamantic sometimes. I am studying at the moment and I am wishing that when things go well and I pass I am going back to live with my parents because I am sick and tired of this marriage. Sometimes I wish I wasnt married and ask myself why I put myself through this misery in the first place. The problem is I have no family here and the friends I used to have werent good friends. Sometimes I just take myself and my child to the movies on our own and I just feel terrible and sorry for myself. I have tried everything like sitting down and tell him about how I feel and all. If my parents were living here I would have left him a long long time. I dont know what to do next.

Answer 1

Don't end the marriage yet. Let him know how serious you are about splitting from him. If he really cares about you, he'll change his ways to keep you. If he still goes off with his friends, then he doesn't love you. You should probably get some Marriage Counselling too.

Just remember how nasty and expensive divorces and custody battles can be. You'll have to hire a lawyer and have the stress of going to court. Exhaust all options before you go ahead with a formal divorce.

Answer 2

Have you thought about going to Relate counselling? You can go together or on your own, but it will help you.

To be honest, you've got to improve your situation or else leave the marriage -- at any cost. Don't care about solicitor's bills, the cost of divorce, etc, this *doesn't matter*. It's only money and so it's a lot less important than your personal happiness. Whatever you do, do not allow yourself to remain miserable in this relationship. Too many women do this because they think they're doing 'the right thing'. The right thing!!! As if their feelings don't count for diddly-squat and they should have a crappy life because they have a crappy man!

Remember that life is too short for getting messed around.

Answer 3

Could you be brave & show him what you've written?
Or is he such a blind twit that he wouldn't bother to even look at it?
Ahhh! Men & their balls. We've got to love 'em, right?
I shall never understand how some men prefer such a boring sport, to the joy of watching their own child grow, & helping their own child! After all, footie only has 2 goals, whereas, you as a family should have so many goals to aim for in life!
Your sadness is a real shame.
I wish I could sit down next to you & tell you how I have been there, suffering in the same way, for the same reasons...
How can you put wisdom into a man's head that's filled with trivia? I dunno! Tell him the pubs are filled with old men who all made the same mistake, who would give both their arms & legs to be able to go back in time & undo the sadness their selfishness caused?
Tell you what, at 11pm tonight, tell him a friend of yours, is going to start howling... & she aint gonna stop till he wakes up to what he's doing to you & the little one.
(I wont be howling, I'll be praying for you, praying that you find the strength to take the bull by the horns... & pull him out of this, before he loses you & his kid, & praying you will find happiness with, or without him).
For Heaven's sake...

Answer 4

I think you should end the marriage. Believe me they never change. He may make some effort initially but it won't last. Go back and live with your parents for a while or get a place near them. It isn't worth putting yourself through is.You already answered this question yourself "If my parents were living here I would have left a long time ago" Call your parents and tell them how you feel. You deserve better than this.

Answer 5

I think you need to have a heart to heart talk with your husband and tell him just how you feel. Tell him that you are thinking about going home to your parents for a while to clear your head and decide what it is you want to you. The problem is that your husband may not allow you to take your child with you but then will he look after him/her whilst you are away?
Apart from being your husband he is also a father and both of these roles are very important and require time allocated to them.
He must spend time alone with you, time with your child on his own and time with all of you together. It has to be a balance for there to be happiness.

Answer 6

LEAVE
Go back home, finish school etc
You will find the right person but your current husband is not the one.
Once you hit the workforce you will be exposed to a number of great guys.
Some people live with the husband start working meet someone and then move out.
The relationship you described is no atmosphere to bring a child up in anyway.

Let him Have his booze buddies because he will never change and everyone deserves better

Answer 7

Do u love him? Ask him if he truly loves u and if the answer is yes tell him he has to pick one day out of the week every week and that day is to be put aside just for the two of u. He has to keep these days open, if he cant do that, then i would let him know that u will not wait for him and u will move on with your life, anyone who cant take one day out of the week for someone they love isn't worth waisting your time with. Start having him watch the kid and start going out, hit some bars meet some people and have a life for yourself.

Answer 8

Sounds like a **** to me. I suggest you have an affair. This will either get his attention to what he's doing wrong or maybe kickstart a divorce which is what it sound like what you really want.

Or maybe you just need to get out of the house. He clearly has his seperate life with his mates and football, but do you? Its important for youself to have a life outside the family and from what you say you dont.

Why not take up a hobby that means meeting new people, take evening lessons, join a book club, its not important which, meeting new people is.

Ask yourself have you done anything for him? He is wrapped up in his life but you need to reconnect to his. Maybe he doesnt like films but he must like something. What first attracted you to him. What did you do togeather when you first met? Do that Why not go out for a meal, You're gonna have to take the initive here.

What ever you choose to do, do something. I feel for you I really do, I hope you can work something out!!!!!

Answer 9

well speaking as a guy who was to rapped up in work,kids,and the house i am now paying the ultimate price- the woman who i still truely love and the mother of our 3 wonderfull kids is in the process of divorcing me she went and had an affair which didnt last and is now into internet dating-i think we are both messed up after going through the system with divorce lawyers and it all could have been avoided through better communication and the setting of boundaries and just telling eachother what your not happy with. if you care you must make things clear now before you start to hate him.divorce sucks sharing the kids and assets and paying soliciters bills suck if only my wife had communicated with me more i am not a mindreader and neither is your husband tell him what you want and follow it through even warn him that you will leave him good luck my email is [e-mail] if you want to talk .

Answer 10

Well, I think you should do the best thing for your child and yourself. If you think your husband truly loves you but needs to grow up, hang in there. He probably will. If hes in his 20's ,he sounds normal! But if you are no longer are in love, I would leave now. You sound too intelligent to waste your time. I bet you can finish schooling and move and your life will change. You sound young, you should be happy, smiling and living a fun life with someone who will return your love and smiles!! Be strong and ask yourself "What would it take to make myself happy?"