I have screwed up ALOT during the past few years, I got caught sneaking out, drinking, and now bringing alcohol to school... How stupid am I. I just need some advice right now on how I can get my parents, my dad (mostly) to trust me again.
He says he is disappointed in me... but I dont know what else to do. I say i wont do it ever again, but i keep doing it. I dont know what to do, I fell as though he doesnt care any more. and it hurts.
2007-02-10 07:16:48 · 12 answers · asked by allie_cat_andry 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
** Thanks to all that have answered... I would liek to add some things too... I am 16, a sophmore in high school. My dad is a very "withheld" person. He doesnt show his emotions at all, what he said to me when I told him this was "im disappointed and your gunna be grounded for a long time" he didnt take away my phone or anything. I dont know what he wants me to do. Im not much of a drinker, i do occasionally, but not much. I guess it is my friends that tell me/ influence me... but come to think of it ALL my friends are that way... Its confusing. And with all the things i have done in my past, I think "why would he evr trust me again?" and after my brother just got caught for having drugs in his car in the school parking lot, and kicked out of school his senior year, he will think im just like him, but im not... its out of hand right now...
2007-02-10 07:43:45 · update #1
You have to learn to recognize the behavior that disappoints him, and tell yourself to not do it any more.
Think about the times you did stuff that upset him - did you get a rush of excitement when you were thinking about it or planning it or doing it? Every time you feel that feeling, you have to learn to say, "Wait a minute - is this the right thing to do? Will this make my dad proud, or sad?" And then, you have to make a concious choice about what to do next.
Yeah, your friends will probably razz you and say you're chicken, or that you're wimping out. In truth, when this happens and when it happens CONSISTENTLY, you won't be wimping out, and you won't be chicken. You'll be changed.
You'll be maturing, and becoming an adult.
2007-02-10 07:26:35 · answer #1 · answered by Ralfcoder 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It will take time to earn your parents trust again. I think kids tend to forget that parents have feelings too. Your actions probably hurt your dad deeply, and made him feel like he hadn't done a good job as a parent. But you can mend the break with time, patience and effort. Aside from the obvious, avoiding any serious breaking of the rules, try to show your change in attitude in other ways. Do extra chores without being asked. Spend time with your family instead of going out at every opportunity. Let him see by your actions as well as your words that you really want to be a good daughter and once again have a close relationship with him. In time, you will rebuild that trust. And try not to get discouraged. Many young people go through rebellious times, and your parents know that. They will be glad to see that you have had a change of heart before you got into any worse trouble. It will work out, I guarantee it.
2007-02-10 15:35:34 · answer #2 · answered by Flower 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your dad that you are sorry for something that you did that was wrong. Ask him to forgive you and tell him you won't do it again. Then don't do it again.
Tell him something that you are going to do like be home by 11 tonight. And then be home by 11 tonight and make sure he finds out what time you came home. Then do those kinds of things over and over without ever making a mistake and always say what you will do or not do and always do what you say and make sure your dad finds out each time that you are keeping your word.
After a few years of this perfect behavior that your dad knows about he will start to trust you again.
You have the power, but can you control yourself well enough? Start small and work up to the hard stuff. Your self control will grow. To be sure this works pray and read your Bible every day starting with just 10 minutes each morning and gradually increasing that time as you see how much it helps you.
Oh yes, I almost forgot. You must stop hanging out with your loser friends they will hurt you more than anything else in your life. Make friends with happy, smart, well adjusted, good students who obey their parents and are active in student government and sports. If you choose successful friends you will become just like them. If you chose anti social malcontent losers for friends you will become just like them.
Stay away from kids you drink alcohol and kids who use drugs. Stay away from immoral kids and stay away from kids who lie and steal. Stay away from kids who get poor grades.
2007-02-10 15:59:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am 43 and my dad Still doesn't trust me because when I was you age I broke my word over and over..and then I broke my word again again..up until a few years ago. See You dad is seeing you trying but are you doing anything really different that would mean that your integrity is improved...trying won't do it ..being determined won't ..you have to change something to shcne something. Trust is something that is hard to get back because you caused the other pain..now your dad may not be not caring but trying to protect his putting too much of his heart out on the line. If you really are sincere..number one you will be a person of honesty regardless of anothers reaction...because it is isn't about how your dad reacts it is about who you are a s a human..so decide that ... now you can love your dad and it has nothing to do with feelings it is a choice and action..if you love him you will be able to choose to do that without worrying so much about what you get back out of it. You can be sorry but you still have to leave it to him to want to forgive totally..pray SO he can stop hurting ,,or him..not that to forgive you so you can feel Better but so he can stop hurting ! See it still is a bit about you..and how you feel..that is the real big issue is that you have to put others first. :) beenthere toook me FOREVER to find the answer..and I found it thru God.:)
2007-02-10 15:33:44 · answer #4 · answered by Regina A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't stop then tell your dad you need help. Maybe he can take you to counseling or enroll you in A.A. Part of earning someone's trust is showing them your responsible for your own actions. Its going to take a lot of effort and a long time to earn your dad's trust but I think you can do it if you're really serious about not screwing up anymore.
2007-02-10 15:25:48 · answer #5 · answered by jered_gold 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well first thing, try to stop drinking or doing w/e it is that makes your dad not trust you. when he askes you to do something do it politly and nicly. that will show him respociblity. maybe the drinking and sniking out is b/c of some of your friends. you don't have to break up w/ your friends but if they say lets go out and get a drink you can tell them no and walk away when your dad hears that that will show him that he can trust you. once a trust is broken it is hard to rebuild it, but it can be done if you try hard enough and want that trust back enough. i hope i could be of help.
2007-02-10 15:24:48 · answer #6 · answered by katy b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are 16 than start acting like it, by the way yes you are very stupid. Your dad cares for you, he wants you to learn from your mistakes, stop drinking alcohol and start studying. Also try giving back to the community, that way you'll earn his respect.
2007-02-10 19:02:29 · answer #7 · answered by Adawg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HE CARES, if he didn't care it wouldn't bother him that you keep
screwing up --- thing is, do you care enough about him AND yourselfto quit screwing up? I'm guessing you're a teen with growing pains, concentrate more on your future, and negative effects that your present behavior will have on your future. The older you get , the more you realize just how much those early years rule your entire life.(trust me, I'm 63 AND a Dad)
2007-02-10 15:29:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your dad you need some help. tell him you feel horrible for letting him down and that you feel your relationship with him will never be the same. tell im it hurts you to think he doesnt care about you and you want to gain his trust back, just write him a letter and be honest and give it to him, he does love you, he is just upset.
2007-02-10 15:23:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your father has a right to be upset and disapointed in you.you didn't lose his trust overnight your not gonna gain it back overnight either...How old are you? It sound's like to me you need to be getting some sort of help from somewhere....try talking to your dad, let him know that you are willing to go seek help for your problem's.maybe even just talking to a stranger will help...if your not ready nor willing to get help ASAP than your just gonna have to deal with your father being disapointed....You may also turn to God,ask him to help you through this....and if you believe in him he will help....:o) best wishes
2007-02-10 15:22:17 · answer #10 · answered by rebelicious_angel228 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋