I'm incredibly indecisive, I hate it and I want to know if anyone has any suggestions on how I can train myself to make decisions. I can go back and forth for hours trying to make a decision. eg. tonight. I'm invited out but I don't feel too well. I decide to stay in, then I decide I really want to go out. Then I think, really, I should stay home and get well, then I think I'm missing something. Or I can stand infront of two cafes for 10 minutes not able to decide which to go into for my lunch. Multiply this inertia by every decision I have to make, every day. Think I'm going crazy. Why can some people make a decision quickly and stick to it?
2007-02-10 06:45:34 · 16 answers · asked by bigape 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Okay just to clarify because I may have given bad examples which make it look shallow like I can't decide when to party or what fab lunch to have. I'm talking about every decision in my life: have a relationship, end a relationship, save for my future, buy a property... it's everything. And invariably I end up doing nothing because I'm so incapacitated.
Thanks to everyone who gave this some thought so far. Your answers have actually helped.
2007-02-10 09:26:45 · update #1
Want to take charge of your life? Just go ask your parents if it's ok.....
Seriously though, indecision or procrastination is a result of the fear of being disappointed, or of disappointing others.
You are going to be dissapointed. Get over it.
Most of the things you do, are not going to be as satisfying as you originally thought they were, but they are also not likely to be as awful either. Everybody gets disappointed sometimes, and any decision you make is going to have at least some unpleasant consequences, (for example shelling out your money in order to eat.) Dealing with unpleasantness is just part of having character.
If having a good time is all that you value in life, you are probably going to get rather bored, or frustrated.
2007-02-10 07:05:35 · answer #1 · answered by WOMBAT, Manliness Expert 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only time I take a while to make a decision is if making the wrong choice comes with a big bad consequence. It took a while to decide to leave my last boyfriend, but no time at all to decide to finish the Jaffa cakes.
All I can think of is that you are getting that "what if this is a terrible mistake?" feeling on occasions when those big bad consequences don't exist. So my advice is to lighten up and ask yourself what's the worst that could happen. You could get a cup of coffee which isn't as great as the other one might have been? You go out and don't have that great a time AND you feel a bit under the weather tomorrow morning? Come on! Live a little.
Possible rhetorical questions that might help you: what's the worst that could happen; will this matter in a year; if I told the ten people nearest to me about this how many of them would roll their eyes?
The best way to train yourself is to find a random and quick method of deciding between two options and stick to it. Assign heads to one option and tails to the other, pull a coin out of your pocket and look at it. And then just do it without any further delay - no "best of three", no looking for a third option, no nothing. Do it, and congratulate yourself on having made a decision. You have to be careful not to do this for decisions which genuinely do need some thought. I think you know which those are, though.
Another possible alternative is to always pick the first option, or always say "yes". This works when someone gives you a choice like "chocolate or strawberry?" or "would you like some more peas?"
Tonight, by the way, I think you should stay in. Then, in return, next time you are in that position you should go out.
2007-02-10 08:55:50 · answer #2 · answered by Snakey B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude: You are not the only doubleminded person in the world. The Bible says that a doubleminded man is doubleminded in all of his ways: YOU. Ta-da!
To break the cycle you need to take an active stand in your life. I understand that you are trying to make sure that you make the right decision for you and do not want to be sorry. You are probably a perfectionist in an exagerated sense and are paralized by the thought that you may actually decide wrong, but let me encourage you to take it easy. In life there are many things which are truly petty such as choosing coffee. Life is filled with trial and error, but have comfort in the thought that everybody experiences this. YOU ARE NORMAL. So what if you choose a coffee that you didn't like that much? You can always order another one and try it. Eventually you will have the experience to know which coffee you like best. It is the same with everything else. Many people marry the wrong person because they married too soon or did not know the person long enough. The experts will tell you that a good period of courtship, such as a couple of years, will reveal much and impart wisdom for deciding upon marriage.
For the most part there is no true wrong or right on the petty things such as food, clothing, and sports. On all other things you may want to ask for advice from someone who has what you want. At the end, the decision is always yours. Deciding to postpone your decision until you have had a chance to ponder it is not wrong. Be an informed decision maker and don't be affraid to be human. Our lives are filled with decisions. Stick to those that enhance your life and be blessed.
Mr. M is much like you, but he decides without regret once he learns enough to make a good decision. What about you? Whom are you trying to impress with your perfect decisions anyway? After all, you are the king of your own kingdom.
Get to it, tiger.
Mr. M on "indecisive."
2007-02-10 07:03:08 · answer #3 · answered by Humberto M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need a belief system of some kind to refer to when you make those decisions. Whether it's a belief in a way of life, or an established ethical system, or a religion, I don't think too important. But you need a framework that makes those decisions pop-up without so much thinking.
It works at all levels: Which cafe serves the healthiest food? Is anything more important than my health? Who will benefit most or get hurt least by my decision?
Sort the 'system' out in your head, then the decisions will look after themselves.
2007-02-11 02:03:09 · answer #4 · answered by steveb9458 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is just your nature. You are afraid of making the wrong decisions. In other words, you are 'risk averse', having a tendency to avert/avoid risk. But life involves making risky decisions and sometimes you just have to decide on something and hope it works for the best. So, just decide you will do this thing and not the other, commit yourself to it, and face the outcome when the time comes. You will likely discover that you will be making correct decisions the majority of times.
Once in a while, things do not work out the way we want, and this is because we have no total control over events. But that is just the way it is. Be not bothered by that. Everybody encounters such situations in their lives.
2007-02-10 06:58:20 · answer #5 · answered by Mr. Kuda 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yep. i understand your soreness. I stay in a small city the place as a rule retired human beings stay. particularly some indecisive drivers here! The worst ones, placed on their blinker, very nearly come to a ineffective end so as that they could turn and then keep going because of the fact it incredibly is the incorrect turn off or something. I in many situations take the miraculous of way and bypass away the old human beings honking their horns and shaking their fist at me! i've got not got time to B.S. guy! in many situations i'm previous due for artwork!
2016-10-01 22:23:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I do sometimes and yes, it's frustruating. I think those people who are quick to make decisions do not think so much as we do like the 'what ifs'. I think you have to be firm with yourself and make a decision fast and tell yourself not to regret whatsoever later. But don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to coax you to get into the habit of impulsiveness. If it's a major thing, try being well-informed about the choices available. Then weigh your options carefully. Most importantly, I think you should always be well-informed first.In this way,u'll make wiser choice n save the headaches too.
2007-02-11 18:50:40 · answer #7 · answered by kaix 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you are smart. You can see all the options, the positives the negatives more than most.So you can more to consider. I asked the same question a few days ago and got great answers. I can only refer you to those as well as the ones you get here. And also you want to keep your options open. But that means not deciding.
2007-02-10 09:15:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I can TOTALLY relate to you. I am the most indecisive person I know. One day I think I am completely in love with my man and the next day I don't even know if I want to even be with him anymore. Was told that indecisiveness was a symptom of depression but ???????
2007-02-14 06:35:13 · answer #9 · answered by Olivia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hahahaha.....sounds like me i know.
indecision. ha!!! i make thousands of decisions in between each indecision.
my head looks like the inside of a golf ball.
now hear. thinkers somewhere in the processes and realizations on their way to becoming doers rather than only beers trying in evaluation to realize the optimal choice(s) gifting objectivities.
it is a true place of nature to wonder of the self and to wonder of other.
the persistencies of realization changes and differences for harmonies of life are functional to success of living dreams.
the little confusions have much purpose in them.
and busy are the bumblebees.
bzzzzzzzzzbbbzzzz
2007-02-10 07:11:52 · answer #10 · answered by noninvultuous 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋