Can you scan my short poem?

Question

Please help me on any changes or anything that I need to do.
I know I messed up.
but there is no other way that i can find out. please help.


Imbibe eager cheetah
the sunset has rised
hurry up and get your water
before the elephants give you a surprise

Answer 1

this is an interesting poem--your first? I'll help you line for line.
Immbibe eager Cheetah, (is this a small or young adult?)
The sunset has rised. (with the end of the poem this should be
present tense "the sunset will rise")
Hurry up and get your water; (this is okay)
Before the elephants give you a surprise. (this is a metaphor sounds like you're trying to talk to a naive child or inexperienced person. This is an excellent poem...Keep up the good work.)

Answer 2

This is the first really enjoyable piece of poetry I've seen on Yahoo answers.
Just one question How does a sunset rise?
Another answerer had a good suggestion "arrived"
but perhaps another is
Hurry!! Drink your water
else the elephants give you surprise

Answer 3

This is a very thoughtful poem. I can almost imagine the scene.
This is just a suggestion for you to work with.

Imbibe eager cheetah.
The sunset has arrived.
Collect your water quickly,
Lest the elephants catch you by surprise.

Best of luck with your poems.

Answer 4

Pretty good. What I do for poetry is I speak from my heart. Poetry doesn't always have to rhyme. From the looks of your poem it is saying 'cheetah rise for the sunrise has come, hurry, run get your water fast, before the elephants reach the pond, you'll be done and thats a fact.

Answer 5

I read it and I smiled. So is good. Keep going.