My parents kind of screwed me over?

Question

I know they didnt mean to but Im 18 and my parents have been keeping me from having a job forever. They've been so negative about it. And its made me feel immature and left out because here where i live all the kids get jobs from the time they're 14 and Ive been trying to get a job since then, but they wouldnt budge. It was always something, "enjoy being a kid for one more summer" "wait until you have your liscense" and when I got my liscense that was the only real thing they had left but they still discouraged me at every turn. Like one day I told my mom that I didnt get hired at this place and she was like "Good. Thats the best news Ive heard in a long time" and she knows how important it is to me and that Ive always hated myself for not having a job. And she just wants to discourage me, and she always says these snide little things about the places I want to apply to discourage me. Even my dad told my mom one day "youre so negative, you dont want her to grow up or have a job or anything" and hes right, she doesnt. And I understand but its getting extreme. Like I had a job locked up at the grocery store a few months ago and she wasnt happy about it so I cancelled the interview. I know she feels bad because she knows it was her but she said the people were so mean there, and I know that but she cant just protect me forever and I understand whats shes going through but shes not like this woth other things, and to this day she still discourages me always. But Im 18, and I have no experience and I cant get hired anywhere and I need money and my parents are willing to pay for everything but I dont want the to, I hate myself because I cant pay for things but theyve kept me from getting money for so long. I just cant listen to it anymore right? I mean it has to stop eventually.

Answer 1

you've reached a legal age and have the right to make your own choice and decision albeit you do still live in their home which makes it difficult for you but as a young woman you deserve the right to enter the work place and have more control of your own financial destiny.

Answer 2

Oh sweetie - my heart goes out to you. You are obviously very frustrated and hurt.

You are 18 and an adult and can pretty much do what you want - BUT you are living at home (must be since you have no income for an apartment) and therefor must follow rules while you're under your parent's roof.

Kudos to you for trying to be understanding of your mother's protectiveness - that shows compassion and is a trait to be proud of. But now it is time for you to start to (gently) stick up for your rights.

Since your dad is not aggressively sticking up for you it sounds like it's a good time to bring in an objective third party. If you're still in school, go chat with a teacher you feel close to or the school counselor and tell them what's been going on and that you would appreciate some help in talking with your parents. They may refer you to a family counselor, but they can make the call to your folks to get them in for an initial chat. You could even go to your pediatrician and start there - the advantage to that is this physician has known you AND your folks your whole life.

Will she be angry at first? Maybe. But you need to get your family on the same page. It may not all come together at once - baby steps might make it easier on your mom (part time job 2-3 days a week 3-4 hours a day at the local grocery store or pharmacy as a cashier for example). Maybe offering to let mom make a suggestion or two of where she would feel more comfortable having you work so she's participating in some level.

Just keep your chin up and get some other voices to chime up on your side.

Good luck - and it won't be like this forever !

Answer 3

You're 18. Legally you're an adult. If you want a job, now's the time to get one.

I understand that maybe at 14 they could encourage you to wait until you got a liscense. But at 18, you are an adult, who should start taking on real adult responsibilities, like a job and paying for basic living expenses.

By the way, I see where your parents are coming from. Your mom still sees you as her baby girl, and if you get a job, she's losing her baby. She'll learn to let go.

Finally, don't get a job at 14 just because everyone else does. It's not like you would have gotten that much anyway.

Good luck!!

Answer 4

I'm a grandparent now, and the other grandmother was giving her a lot of candy as treats. She got 7 cavities by age 4 and my son and his wife had to spend a lot of time and money taking my granddaughter to the dentist office. It was painful! So now she will refuse candy automatically, and only has an occasional cupcake or something when someone has a birthday. This business of processed foods is a disaster for this whole country from the cradle to the grave. It's not just weak-willed parents who are to blame. Check out what they are feeding kids in school. I think it's just french fries, and maybe an occasional piece of pizza. They have vending machines in many schools still selling pop and snacks. They are constantly advertising that crapola TV. We're under assault by the fast food industry. I don't think everyone is so ignorant about nutrition. Most people just got so busy they let it go. I was gardening for 7 hours today, so we got takeout Chinese food. It's loaded with fat and salt. It's hard to keep it healthy, but I try because my husband and I have high cholesterol. I was raised on TV dinners, but my husband doesn't even like to go to restaurants. My daughter in law tries to send healthy lunches along to pre-school, but often the containers do not come back. It's very disheartening.

Answer 5

Are you going to college? I say, if youre parents are willing to pay for everything, hit them up to pay for college. You should be going to college anyway. If you go to college, then instead of a job, you'll be able to get a career, and then you won't have to worry about money, and it will be a lot easier to start out in that career because you'll have a college degree. Aside being good for your future, college will also help you gain that distance from your parents that you need at this age.

Now, if they try to discourage you from going to college, then you have to let them know that you feel that they are purposefully sabotaging your future for selfish reasons, and that not only is that a complete betrayal, but is unforgivable. If they are doing this to keep you around or to protect you, then the threat of you moving out and breaking all ties with them should shake them out of it and make them realize that if they don't let go like parents are supposed to, they'll lose you completely. You need examine the reason that they are like this, and use that against them, to show them why it is wrong.

Answer 6

So what is the problem? You say you are 18, and that is a Legal Age, so move out and get a job, or get a job save money to get your own place and then move out. You have got to leave home one day and you may as well start now doing it as it is not going to get any better. Whats going to happen to you when *mom and dad* is no longer around to pick up for you? You better grow up and fast, because this world is ONLY going to get worse.

Answer 7

I am 26 and I have been working since I was 15. Working provides a sense of maturity, responsibility, and in dependency. Your mom is crazy for not letting you work. Maybe you can reassure her by telling her that it won't interfere with your school life or family activities. If that doesn't work then maybe you need to get your dad on your side. Maybe even try some babysitting at your house. Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

hey my mom did the same thing to me when i first got pregnant. i wanted a job so bad to show how responsible i was but she would not budge. my mom is a stay at home mom i think that was most of the problem. i am under 18 so i still can't get a job. but you could just go get one. i would ask for my moms support. then she'll see that you care about her but our big enough to make your own decision

Answer 9

Your mom is afraid of you leaving but you are of age so go out and get you a job and don't say anything about it until after you have the job. And then keep it do not let her talk you into quitting

Answer 10

You are legally an adult and you can work anywhere you want. Why dont you go to college and get training for a better job since your parents are willing to support you for now.

Answer 11

i think that you should sit down with your mother and calmly ask her if you could talk about why she doesn't want you to have a job. listen to her and hear her out-- but then just as calmly tell her why you want a job and think you should have a job-- if she is just irrational and cant listen to reason then you could try to get one anyway and just save up some $$ and move out. you cannot let your mother run your life forever--trust me, I've been there-- it doesn't get any easier. good luck!