we have been dating for 4yrs and i have become good friends with his family.i hear stories about how great he was with his old gfs(sending flowers at work,boxes for cards,love letters,little romantic gifts ect)in the 4 yrs we have been dating i got flowers once(with me hinting alot) and one card for my b-day with just his name signed.why is this?i don't expect expensive gifts just something to let me know hes thinking about me when i'm not with him.i do it to him all the time.i know some guys just don't do stuff like that but he allways did for his other gfs so whay not me?
2007-02-10 04:37:32 · 12 answers · asked by karenbshy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Maybe the others didn't appreciate it and he feels that you won't either. Maybe he just doesn't respect you as much. You need to ask him about it. If you have been together for 4 years and only gotten flowers one time...WOW. He may have had bad experiences in the past or something. or he might feel that the chase is gone and he doesn't need to do these things for you.
2007-02-10 04:43:04 · answer #1 · answered by KJ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be bribed, I gave you a star for simply sharing your concern with our little corner of the world. It shows some bravery to be vulnerable and reveal personal problems.
Yes, being taken for granted is probably the case, or at least part of it. Was he with other girls as long as with you and were they as close to his family as you are? If not, maybe the gift-giving was because he felt he needed to keep trying to keep them (could they have been interested in other guys?). Or, was he that much younger of a person, such that his insecurity or inexperience prompted him to keep making entreating gestures, like gift-giving? There could be a few different reasons, when you learn more about the background stuff like this.
So, what can you do about it? Taking you for granted may be an oversight, based on is feeling of security because he trusts your love for him. Also, relationships typically have periods where the couple are out of synch with each other and things are done or not done because we just aren't paying attention.
As you're comfortable expressing your love through gift-giving, I'm betting you're able (with some forethought and a big, deep breath) to have a sweet little talk with him (go for a walk alone) and tactfully point out your observation, and express how it makes you feel. This isn't about anger, comparing to others or finger-pointing - it's about fine-tuninig the communication that enhances understanding. Love will last longer when we use communication to dust the cobwebs.
Best wishes for the interchange that draws you both closer.
2007-02-10 05:01:19 · answer #2 · answered by Zeera 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe because he thinks the gifts and stuff never helped or worked out - that's why they are EX girlfriends. Maybe he thinks of it as a lesson learned, and hey, you've been together for 4 years, so that has reinforced the "no flowers, love letters, etc" rule is working. If this is his only flaw, you are lucky. You must be good together for the most part or it would not have lasted this long, right?
2007-02-10 04:43:49 · answer #3 · answered by nurse ratchet 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You say that your boyfriend is a caring, giving thoughtful, person but not to you. I think that your boyfriend does not think that he has to show you he cares for you because he is used to having you by his side, and he does not take into consideration that he has to give you anything to show he cares, about you. Now, I am going to tell you about my experience with my Husband, if after you read it you decide if that is the future you want for yourself. I have been Married for 48, almost 49, yrs. and not once has my husband told me he loves me, or send me any flowers, but once about 15, yrs, ago when his boss went to buy flowers for his wife for valentines day, and he told my husband to buy me flowers and a box of candy which he did. other then that he says he does not have to tell me he loves me because I know. But that is no comfort to me because I tell him that once in a while he should show some appreciation for me being a loyal wife, and for taking his fustrations from his workplace which he brings home with a sour face. Don't get me wrong I love him a lot otherwise I do not think I could have stand it for not being appreciated for long. Good luck to you and have a long talk with your boyfriend about this issue, tell him that you are not painted in the wall and that you want for him to show that he Loves you and appreciate's you for being his girlfriend, Why if I might add, have you two gotten Married, four yrs, being girlfriend/boyfriend? What is holding you back you, or him. I hope that what I told you helped some.
2016-05-25 02:03:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like maybe your boyfriend might have made a decision to stop doing the "sappy" romatic stuff. It's possible he still cares about you, however maybe he is trying something different with you b/c it obviously didnt work out with his exes. So since he wants to make it work with you, he opts to not give you overly romatic gifts as he's done with others in the past.
Try talking to him. I think it's okay to say, "i notice that you were really romantic with your ex girlfriends, from what your family says, and not that I am trying to start a conflict between us, but I was wondering what is different with me that has made you change?"
If he's even worth being with someone like you, he should be willing to give you an answer to that question.
Best of luck to you... I know that it can be tough when youre in a relationship with someone who is kind of "stand-off-ish"
2007-02-10 04:44:35 · answer #5 · answered by WORLD FAMOUS 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ruuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!
I had a girlfriend who took me for granted. I should have broken up with her months before we ended it. I guess you could talk to him but if things don't change... there are plenty of fish in the sea. I used to think my old girl was the one and their was noone else out there for me. I put up with a lot of crap. I now realize how much I shouldn't have. There are tons of great guys out their. It is worth the wait. Maybe give him another chance but it will probably mean more hurt.
Atleast talk with him about it and ask him why.
2007-02-10 04:41:06 · answer #6 · answered by lend322 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the best thing you can do is talk to him, tell him how you feel and that you know he treated his ex's and that your confused to why he dont treat you like this. if he still doesnt end up doing these things, you need to think about if there really that important enough to you and weither you want to leave ! but then maybe he likes you more then he's ex's and that he thinks that he dont need to buy you things to show you he loves you and all he needs to do is either say i love you or do other important things like be there for you when you need it and do favours for you and stuff ! whatever happens i wish you luck !
2007-02-10 04:46:54 · answer #7 · answered by vicki 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am wondering how I am with my new lady-friend or if I am shy. She's fifthy eight and I am fifthy one an so far just being in contact whats happening for now!
2007-02-10 04:45:26 · answer #8 · answered by David H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well maybe he think since he gave them all those things and it didnt work out with them and now its working out with you maybe he doesnt want to ruin what he has now... Maybe be just afraid of losing you
2007-02-10 04:41:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he treats folks better after they leave him. Have you talked with him about this?
2007-02-10 04:41:54 · answer #10 · answered by Grianagh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋