About a week before Xmas there was an article in the Daily Mail newspaper (UK). It contained funny stories regarding people calling helplines for help with their computer. For instance, people calling up asking how they fix their cup holder (CD drive), and people calling up saying their computer was not working (when they had a power cut). It was really funny, but my mum threw the paper out before I got the chance to remove the article. I would really like to get hold of it and have searched the Daily Mail website without any luck. Does anyone remember this article and if so can you remember the title of the article as this may help narrow down my search for it. If not does anyone have any suggestions of how I might get hold of it?
2007-02-10 04:05:48 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in News & Events ➔ Media & Journalism
Here you go...enjoy: (long post)
HELP! I'M PLAIN STUPID;
WE ALL HATE CALL CENTRES, BUT THIS COLLECTION OF BIZARRE CUSTOMER REQUESTS MIGHT JUST MAKE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND
EVERYONE moans about using call centres, but how do the people who work there feel about having to deal with US? A collection of transcripts of some of the silliest - and unintentionally hilarious - queries to exasperated call centre operators is currently doing the rounds on the internet...
CALLER: I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get help.
OPERATOR: Where did you get that number from, sir?
CALLER: It was on the door.
OPERATOR: Sir, those are our opening hours.
CALLER: Can you give me the telephone number for 'Jack'?
OPERATOR: I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.
CALLER: In section 5 of the user guide, it clearly states that I need to 'unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone jack before cleaning'. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?
OPERATOR: I think you mean the telephone socket on the wall.
CALLER: Does your European breakdown motoring policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?
OPERATOR: Doesn't the name of the product give you a clue?
CALLER (inquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France): If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?
A caller asked for a knitwear company in a place called Woven...
DIRECTORY ENQUIRIES: Woven? Are you sure?
CALLER: Yes. That's what it says on the label: 'Woven in Ireland'.
A man making heavy-breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.
CALLER: I'd like the ISPCA please.
DIRECTORY ENQUIRIES: Where are you calling from?
CALLER: The living room.
CALLER: The Water Board please.
DIRECTORY ENQUIRIES: Which department?
CALLER: Tap water.
EVERYONE moans about using call centres, but how do the people who work there feel about having to deal with US? A collection of transcripts of some of the silliest - and unintentionally hilarious - queries to exasperated call centre operators is currently doing the rounds on the internet...
CALLER: I'd like the number of the Arge Fish Bar, please.
DIRECTORY ENQUIRIES: I'm sorry, but there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?
CALLER: Well, it used to be called the Barge Fish Bar, but the 'B' fell off.
OPERATOR: How are you spelling that?
CALLER: With letters.
CALLER: I'd like the number for a reverend in Ashford, please.
DIRECTORY ENQUIRIES: Do you have his name?
CALLER: No, but he has a dog named Ben.
CALLER: The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please.
DIRECTORY ENQUIRIES: Do you mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers?
TECHNICAL SUPPORT: I need you to rightclick on the Open Desktop.
CUSTOMER: OK TECHNICAL SUPPORT: Did you get a popup menu?
CUSTOMER: No.
TECHNICAL SUPPORT: OK. Right-click again. Do you see a popup menu?
CUSTOMER: No.
TECHNICAL SUPPORT: Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?
CUSTOMER: Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.
TECHNICAL SUPPORT: OK. In the bottom left-hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?
CALLER: Wow. How can you see my screen from there?
CALLER: I can't find my little pictures (icons).
TECHNICAL SUPPORT: What pictures?
CALLER: One is 'my computer,' another is like 'network neighbour'.
TECHNICAL SUPPORT: Do you have any windows open?
CALLER: Yes.
TECHNICAL SUPPORT: OK, we need to close those windows.
CALLER: Oh, OK.(Everything is quiet for a few moments.)
TECHNICAL SUPPORT: Are you there?
CALLER: (After a few more moments) OK. I had to walk around the room and close all the windows... I still can't see my little pictures.
CALLER: The coffee cup holder on my computer is broken. Can I get a replacement please?
HELP DESK: I'm not sure what you mean. Where exactly is this coffee cup holder?
CALLER: Well there's a button on the front of my computer and when I press it a drink caddy pops out. You know, it's just like the ones they put in cars.
HELP DESK: Sir, I think you'll find that's the CD slot.
CALLER: I would like to borrow E2,000.
BANK OPERATOR: Certainly, sir. Over how long?
CALLER: Three years, please.
BANK OPERATOR: That will be E112.50 a month for 36 months. Is that OK?
CALLER: No, not at all. I want it all at once.
CALLER TO ROOM SERVICE: On what days is your Sunday brunch available?
CALLER: I bought a phone last week, and I didn't receive the car charger for the lighter until today. I'm trying to use it, and it's not working. How do you use it?
OPERATOR: First, you remove the lighter and then you plug it into the adaptor.
CALLER: But I don't have a car.
OPERATOR: Why do you need the car charger?
CALLER: To light my cigarettes.
TEENAGE CALLER: I wonder if you could help me.
HELP DESK: What's the problem?
CALLER: My dad bought me a computer last week, and I was taking out a CD when the phone rang. I was also eating pizza. With the CD drawer open, I set the pizza on it to pick up the phone.
HELP DESK: What happened then?
CALLER: Well, the CD drawer took the part of the pizza inside the computer. Now I can't get the drawer open. It's a really big mess. Can you help?
HELP DESK: This is bad, very bad.
CALLER: Well I'm hungry. Can you help me get the pizza out?
HELP DESK: How may I help you?
CALLER: I have spent all week trying to rewind my DVD. How do you rewind it?
A help desk took a call from a client having trouble with his 'print screen' feature. After lots of discussion, a technician was dispatched...
CLIENT: My 'print screen' feature doesn't work.
TECHNICIAN: I've tested it, and it seems to be working fine.
CLIENT: Oh, let me try it again.
Client presses a blank sheet of paper against the monitor screen and then pushes 'print screen' key. Technician starts laughing.
CLIENT: What's wrong?
TECHNICIAN: I'm sorry, but when you push the 'print screen' key, the document comes out of your printer...
I WORK in the home delivery enquiries (read: complaints) department of a major catalogue retailer. A colleague once took a call from an extremely disappointed woman who had purchased a cat gym and scratching post type of thing. In the catalogue, the product is pictured with two little kittens climbing on it. You can probably guess what her complaint was...
Yes, the product had been delivered, but the two cats weren't inside the box. The advisor explained politely that the picture was for illustration purposes only and that there was no way that we could send live animals via a parcel delivery service, but the customer continued to rant at him, threatening to report the complaint to the Director of Consumer Affairs, the press, her solicitors, etc. If that item is featured again, maybe we should add the phrase 'livestock not included' to the description.
A MAN spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!' 'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked. 'No!' the man shouted: 'This is her husband!'
And if you think you're in the dark when it comes to computers. . .
OPERATOR: Computer assistance, may I help you?
CALLER: Yes, well, I'm having trouble with my word-processing package.
OPERATOR: What sort of trouble?
CALLER: Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.
OPERATOR: Went away?
CALLER: They disappeared.
OPERATOR: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
CALLER: Nothing.
OPERATOR: Nothing?
CALLER: It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.
OPERATOR: Are you still in the system, or did you get out?
CALLER: How do I tell?
OPERATOR: Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?
CALLER: What's a 'sea-prompt'?
OPERATOR: Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?
CALLER: There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.
OPERATOR: Does your monitor have a power indicator?
CALLER: What's a monitor?
OPERATOR: It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?
CALLER: I don't know.
OPERATOR: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
CALLER: Yes, I think so.
OPERATOR: Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
CALLER: Yes, it is.
OPERATOR: When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
CALLER: No.
OPERATOR: Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.
CALLER: OK, here it is.
OPERATOR: Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.
CALLER: I can't reach.
OPERATOR: OK. Well, can you see if it is?
CALLER: No.
OPERATOR: Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?
CALLER: Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.
OPERATOR: Dark?
CALLER: Yes - the light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
OPERATOR: Well, turn on the light then.
CALLER: I can't.
OPERATOR: No? Why not?
CALLER: Because there's a power failure.
OPERATOR: A power... a power failure? Aha, OK, we've got it sorted now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?
CALLER: Well, yes, I keep them in the cupboard.
OPERATOR: Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the shop you bought it from.
CALLER: Really? Is it that bad?
OPERATOR: Yes, I'm afraid it is.
CALLER: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
OPERATOR: Tell them you're too bloody stupid to own a computer.
2007-02-10 11:32:02 · answer #1 · answered by StevieRatcliffe 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you go on www.dailymail.co.uk you can do a search of articles online. I tried for you by putting in 'computer helpline' and hundreds of articles came up. I haven't got the time, sorry. You'll need to search back over the past year (the other option is past month, which is no good) and it will take some time. But you should get there!
2007-02-10 04:14:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your best bet is to go to your local library and ask them for back copies of The Daily Mail.
2007-02-11 14:37:22 · answer #3 · answered by b97st 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it was hilarious. The obvious answer is to phone the Daily Mail, their number is shown in the paper.
2007-02-10 04:14:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is not the article you want but is a similar collection of Helpdesk stories, I'm sure lots of them will be the same.
http://rinkworks.com/stupid/
2007-02-10 04:14:16 · answer #5 · answered by jayktee96 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go back to the site and search either computers or what the date of the paper was
2007-02-10 06:28:48 · answer #6 · answered by liam0_m 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋