they have been divorced for 6 yrs but still my bf of 5yrs allows his exwife to controll him.now he LEFT her for an old gf(not me) maybe its guilt?he said no she (his ex)drove him to cheat because she was so controlling.she would take him back in a heart beat so he does not regret his decision.when i asked him why he says hes doing it for his childs sake which maybe so as he does love his child dearly but i feel theres more to it than that.can anyone tell me why my bf would be so nice,accommodating,helpful to her when she was so nasty to him when they were married and now treats me like a doormat?and no hes not doing her on the side i know this for sure.
2007-02-10 03:56:39 · 21 answers · asked by jmark0908 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he wanted her back from what you say he would be back with her, if he said it was because of the kids, my guess is that is why. You are a female you know how hateful we can be when we don't get what we want. As far as her being so nasty to him while they were married, he said she was, what does she say maybe she had reasons to be, and that is bull crap she drove him to cheat, did she hold a gun to his head, nobody can make you do anything you don't want to do. The way I see it, you need to make up your mind if you want to stay with him.
2007-02-10 04:06:05 · answer #1 · answered by emma 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First he should not be treating you like a doormat. Whats up with that? Get that straightened out. Second he should be nice to his X, because of the child. Childrens welfare should always come first in divorce situations. If you trust him, then don't worry about it. He does not want her. Just remember though he cheated on her, ( and his excuse for doing so was lame) no one causes you to cheat. It was his decision. Do you feel secure enough with this guy to know he will not do the same to you? If given the opportunity? I would be more worried about that. Expecially if you say he is treating you like a doormat. That is a big red flag. He may have wandering eyes again and not towards his X.
2007-02-10 04:11:16 · answer #2 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband does the same thing. We've had custody of the kid for the past 7 years, but she still tries to run the show. It's caused a lot of problems because I don't think it's that difficult to stand up to someone who's full of it.
Don't listen to the people who say he still feels something for her. I think that he's in a habit, a BAD habit of allowing her to call the shots.
The straw that broke the camels back for me was when she called and he wasn't home. She started complaining to me that he should have done this, should have done that. I told her "You can talk to others like that but in OUR home, we treat each other with respect. You are not married to him any more and I don't talk to him disrespectfully, so I won't allow you to talk to him with disrespect". Hmmmmm. Didn't hear from her for a few months. Then it all started again.
My point is, all we can do is be grateful we've got a good marriage and not let her interfere with it. It's really difficult (especially for me cause I have a big mouth), but I've learned that if I want us both to be happy, I have to choose my battles. I'm not willing to waste anymore of my precious time on her.
Parents who divorce do have a lot of guilt. They want to make everything perfect for their child, which is good but impossible. Just take a deep breath and remember, choose your battles. There are a lot more important things to spend your time on. Time passes quickly and she'll be out of your lives. My step son is almost 18 and he'll be moving out when he graduates h.s. The ex will finally be out of our lives. We'll be celebrating with a wonderful vacation. Good luck to you and hang in there.
2007-02-10 04:21:57 · answer #3 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he does feel guilty about the way he treated her, and don't believe everything u hear about her, he may be doing it for the kid, because had he not cheated on her he would have still been there with them. she may not have been nasty to him until he cheated on her, u aren't getting the whole story here as there are always two sides to a story. how do u know what he is doing when he is away from u? maybe he is planning to go back to her, especially if u feel as if u aren't a priority in his life. u never will know what he is thinking about and he probably won't admit he was doing any wrong even if u confront him as he never took responsibility for it when he cheated on her.
2007-02-10 04:20:44 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How he treats his ex spouse and how he treats you're 2 separate subject matters. What do you advise through she controls him? administration ought to no longer also be a controversy with a divorced couple. they do no longer stay mutually and that i'm assuming they don't have the different duties to at least one yet another besides the undeniable fact that the newborn. there is not any longer some thing to regulate. What you're saying is administration is possibly basically him being an effective father and position variety for his newborn. it would not count number what got here about in the marriage. that is irrelevant to the the following and now. he's creating an effective relationship including his ex for his newborn. My ex husband and that i help one yet another out each and each and every of the time. One weekend at the same time as he had the children and one in each and every of them were given ill, I ran to the keep for him and were given drugs and soup so he did no longer ought to lug all of them out. We take the children to medical professional appointments and faculty purposes mutually. If i'm ill and my fiance is operating, my ex will both take the children domicile with him or he will come sit down at my domicile and help. there is not any longer some thing incorrect with that variety of relationship. it is solid FOR the newborn. so some distance as YOUR relationship including your husband..... if he's not any longer treating you want you assume, say some thing. substitute it. If it would not meet your expectations, then perhaps it's time to seek different avenues. fairly, it feels like you're a touch jealous of the ex spouse and the newborn and also you're being hypersensitive about his habit in route of you. you imagine that he ought to cater to you the way he does to his newborn. It would not paintings like that. Now if he's ditching you on date evening to loiter round including his ex, certain, it is a issue. yet i fairly do not see that in what you wrote...
2016-12-04 00:07:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard when there are children involved. I believe it is because he wants to have a good relationship with his child. It is hard being the step-mom or girlfriend because you don't understand, but believe me I have been involved with this type of situation for 9 years, he is doing the best he can do to keep a good relationship with his child. It's hard but believe it or not the Mother of the child always has the upper hand.
2007-02-10 04:08:08 · answer #6 · answered by Bama Girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds a little fishy to me, however, maybe he's doing it for the child involved. It still shouldn't be the way he has it, it sounds as if (i know you don't want to hear or believe it). that he maybe having more with her than you think. I would seriously think about the time he left someone else, he sounds like a player to me. Find someone who dosen't put you second. And if she was that controlling as he says he would be glad to not have any communication (other than the chlid) with her.
2007-02-10 04:07:53 · answer #7 · answered by sweetemtation_123 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Because he has a history and a CHILD with her. If you didn't want to be involved with a man who had "baggage" you shouldn't have gotten involved with him. As long as the child is alive he will have ties to his ex wife. If you don't like that fact I suggest you move on to someone who was born yesterday and doesn't have a history with someone else. And there is no way you could possible know for sure he isn't having sex with his ex...you just HOPE he isn't.
2007-02-10 06:47:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband is this was with his ex. It is simply becasue of his son though. If he doesn't do what she says, she holds his son over his head and makes him, or did. I am his wife now so I have a lot of say. She always wondered why I hated her and she demanded to speak to me or she wouldn't let my husband see his son, so for my husband I did so and she was probably wishing she wanted otherwise. I told exactly why I hated her and what I thought of her. She doesn't hold his son over his head anymore and my husband won't let her walk all over him if she tries. You just need to put your foot down if you don't like something but be careful because this is a VERY touchy subject and when it come to kids, you are very likely to lose.
2007-02-10 05:23:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's acting like a mature person for the sake of his child.
Would it be better to treat the mother of his child badly to make you feel better?
Respect him for being a man and let it go before you drive him away.
2007-02-10 04:37:32 · answer #10 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋