I have lot of sexual feelings and urges that I wanna satisfy. I have a girlfriend but the problem is that she's not willing to offer me any form of sex, because she was once raped & she is not ready to have sex again yet. I love her, but I don't want to wait for years till finally I can have sex. I feel that at my age, it is the right time to start having sex. It is really boring me to death. What should I do in this situation? And no, I'm not going to a brothel, 'cause I don't wanna degrade myself. And I don't wanna cheat on her. So, should I just dump her.
2007-02-10 03:50:29 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Not if you love her. Have you tried earning her trust? Whining to her about having sex or pressuring her is not going to do it. Women are like cats, not dogs. Dogs come when they are called and do as they are told. Cats have to be cajoled and lured.
You need tell her it's okay if she's not ready. You thought about it, and while sex is important to you - she is more important to you than anything -- and you never ever want her to feel pressured at all ever. Tell her you can't possibly fully understand what she went through, but that you know that it's going to take time for her to feel comfortable again. You are "here for her" etc.
When you're together - cuddle with her. Be physically affectionate but not overtly sexual. Tell her she's beautiful. Kiss her a lot, and be gentle. And, never try to push the envelope by forcing your hand where she doesn't want it to be. She will probably, after not too long of a time, start letting you go further and she'll start moving your hand where she wants it to be.
Rape makes a woman feel like she was violated. Her boundaries were smashed. She had no control. The only way she's going to be comfortable letting youhave sex with her is if you let her take small steps closer and closer. She has to to step by step making sure there's no pain or fear as she goes along, and making sure that you are not going to make her feel like she felt when she was raped.
If you dump her because she won't have sex (because of the rape) she will be extremely hurt. Be a man. Don't "dump" anyone. If you do not have feelings for her, then break it off like a man (which would be for the reason that you don't have feelings for her, not because she won't put out). If you do have feelings for her, then also be a man and take her bad with the good.
This is a test for you in life. Are you a guy that dumps women because they won't do what you want and moves on to use women who will? Or, are you a guy that truly loves and respects women?
2007-02-10 04:01:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound frustrated from wanting something from someone that is unable to give it to you.
Your girlfriend is in need of serious healing. You may suggest counselling if she isn't already there.
Have you considered masturbation? One can have a very satisfying sex life by using the greatest sex organ (the mind) and with the rest of your body and imagination, you can really have fun. There are also toys you can purchase that really can enhance the experience. It is great to know your body really well. There is no shame in masturbation. Many people that have active sex partners still masturbate!
I dislike the word "dump". It has a negative connotation. Rather than dumping her, you might tell her that you are unable to get what you need out of the relationship and need to look elsewhere. You might thank her for sharing with you the time you had together and wish her well. That is a gracious and honest way to change a relationship.
Never stay in a relationship out of guilt: that only breeds resentment.
Kind regards!
2007-02-10 12:19:21 · answer #2 · answered by teach_empathy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dump her. she deserves better than you. all you care about are your sexual needs. SHE WAS RAPED. you don't just get over something like that. maybe if you were more of a friend to her and you showed her that you were there for her and that she could trust you, she would feel safe enough around you to want to have sex with you. my advice to you, leave her and never have anything else to do with her. she needs friends which you obviously are not.
2007-02-10 12:00:47 · answer #3 · answered by fungirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not a question of dumping her.. Be friends with her.. Just not in a relationship.. That way you can move on and not hurt her feelings.. Who knows what the future may offer once you have a girlfriend and she sees what see could have had.
2007-02-10 11:54:12 · answer #4 · answered by BigWashSr 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you need to understand your girlfriend was raped she might wait till shes married to have sex and it'll be hard on her at first cause it makes her remember if you love her you will stand by her love is more important than ******* some girl don't dump this girl unless you don't care about her then tell her how you feel
2007-02-10 12:30:37 · answer #5 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old you are, but you sound young. Your girlfriend has her issues to work on because she was raped. She should be in counseling. You can't help her with what she needs to get straight in her head. Talk to her, she if she'll agree to go to counseling, if so and if you do love her, then give her some time to work through her issues with the therapist. If you don't love her enough to wait, then you should move on, but still this poor girl needs to get some counseling.
2007-02-10 11:56:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to her and let her know that the only reason is that you are leaving her because she won't have meaningless sex with you, and that you don't care about her or her feelings that you only think of your self.
move on there is plenty of girls out there that will have sex just for the fun of it and aren't looking for love or respect, or care if they give diseases or get diseases.
You are degrading yourself just by asking the question.
2007-02-10 11:57:38 · answer #7 · answered by Ms. Angel.. 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you love her as you say, you would be more willing to help her through her feelings until a trust is gained, and then sex would be sooooo worth it, however, if you don't love her enough to wait for this trust, then you should move on. She deserves someone who will not pressure her (everyone does regardless of background info)
Don't forget, theres always looking after yourself, yourself, until she is ready....
2007-02-10 11:56:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your girlfriend clearly has a big issue that only therapy can help, and as for you, you have your issues of the need to be satisfied it would be better for the both of you if you both moved on to other people that can give you what you need.
2007-02-10 12:06:53 · answer #9 · answered by Ms Pollyanna 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont think u love her
i go withthe saying dump her coz she deserves a better person that respects her as a person and not just see her as a way to satisfy his urges
if u love her u will support her and understand how she feels
not act as an animal that just wanna mate
2007-02-10 12:12:36 · answer #10 · answered by bottos b 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋