The mother of the baby was a one night stand and we had no idea there was a baby. I love my husband and he loves me and he has made a total change in his life and our marriage is strong. The baby is over 1300 miles away and we real don't have any details about the baby or visitation. Any suggestions? How do get through this trying time?
2007-02-10 03:44:02 · 13 answers · asked by Bama Girl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What is "trying" about it, he had a one night stand that produced a child, he owes child support.
2007-02-10 06:56:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
GET A DNA TEST!!! That is the first step here, nothing else really applies if baby is not his..
Then, you have some hard decisions... do the two of you want to have a large role or a small role or no role in this child's life. I know that sounds harsh, but it may be difficult for you to look at that child knowing what transpired to create him/her.
If you want a large role, great. You're going to have to move closer to the woman and baby. Not fair, but that's reality. Unless the child's mother has some serious problems, it will be difficult to get full custody, so i'm working off of a joint custody plan.
If moving is not desired, then a smaller role in this child's life will be unavoidable. You can get longer visitations, but realize that it will be more like visiting an out of state aunt and uncle to the child, and not as much like step mom and dad.
Bear in mind that you need the DNA test first, if this was a one night stand then yes there is a chance, but if this woman was having a one night stand with your husband, dont you think she may have had one or two with someone else??
Good luck, and dont be afraid to honestly discuss your wants and needs with your husband in this regard. Oh, and start socking away some money in case it is his child!!! You'll want to meet the child (and 1300 miles in the car doesnt sound fun to me), and you may need to hire a lawyer depending on what the decision made is!!!
2007-02-10 03:59:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anah B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the DNA is a match, your husband should be prepared to pay child support. Throughout the years, if the mother is willing, he should show his support as the father in as many ways as possible. Start saving now for college would be one way. Also, realize, that at some point when this child is older, he/she might want to come live with you and your husband, I think there are many things both of you now need to consider. The moral obligations with this baby are huge. It would be a good idea to see a lawyer.
2007-02-10 03:54:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Life itself is a trial, trust in God, trust and belive in yourself and your husband and your marriage. Love one another, be strong, be brave because your all you have only you can make the difference. It is good to know you both are still together and making it work. Your asking, I am answering, Ask yourself, there is a child out there that does not know he has a father. Is our marriage strong enough to deal with this situation. Well are you both ready to face reality, eventually the childs mother may motion to request child support. Are you prepared to for this financial situation. Consider paternity testing, get a head of the game by inquiring about the cost, usually about $400-800 with out a court order. I belive that all children should know thier birth parents, I never had the chance to meet my father, I went looking for him in his home town and found out he had passed away several years earlier. I have 3 daughters of my own, very lucky. I encourage you both to really think about your situation and wether you like it or not there will always be a child out there. Think about it. Good luck to you all.
2007-02-10 04:11:01 · answer #4 · answered by Phillip M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How did you find out he has this baby? If You found out because someone they both knew told you. Ignore it. If you have absoulte
proof the baby is his. Both of you should contact the mother and offer to help in supporting the child( it is not the child's fault it is here) and let the mother know she should let the child know who it's father is . If for no other reason then mediacal reasons that may come up in it,s later years.
I admire you for sticking strong to your marriage with him which is what is strenghting the marriage
2007-02-10 03:55:10 · answer #5 · answered by mamayer6 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first step would be to determine if thebaby is truly his through a DNA test. It could be, or it could be he is the most stable guy the girl had relations with around the time she conceived and she wants him to be the father emotionally and financially.
If it is, at that point you would have to make a choice if you wanted to stay with him and co-parent the child or if it would be too much for you to handle and to end the relationship and would likely benefit from short-term counseling by a good family therapist (under 6 weeks) to help you sort out your feeling and goals.
Good luck!
2007-02-10 03:52:12 · answer #6 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How did you find out he was the father? Is she wanting money? I don't understand after 2 yrs you find out he is the father of another womans baby,, I really wouldn't trust him after he had an affair in the first place, thats just me. You are far more forgiving than i am. I really don't have any more suggestions, other than find someone who will treat you better. Good luck
2007-02-10 03:54:14 · answer #7 · answered by sweetemtation_123 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make arrangements to establish paternity, and pay child support. Be sure to include visitation, and arrange to have the child for periods of time. I realize there's a distance issue, so he should travel to the child and get to know the child. If not travel, then send pictures, and start communication by mail. Even though it was a one night stand, he has a responsibility, and you can help him with this. You've obviously forgiven him, so help him to do the right thing by his child. Best of luck to both of you!
2007-02-10 03:50:42 · answer #8 · answered by grandm 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm sure things are ruff,but the best thing to do is try to contact the baby's mother to get DNA done first to prove it's his child.if it is he needs to do the right thing,support his child & be there for it.if your marrige is strong you's can work on this together & make the most out of it!good luck!
2007-02-10 03:50:28 · answer #9 · answered by swt-bby-gl-69 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Stand with him, but he needs to be accountable for the mistake he made. He must continue to show total commitment, though it would be hard, and he must also somehow show that he is responsible for the child, perhaps, financially and/or emotionally. It sounds too difficult but one must carry one's own cross for the rest of one's life.
2007-02-10 03:53:15 · answer #10 · answered by dansdna 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Stand by his side. Share your feelings with each other. Use this as a crutch to make your marriage even stronger. Love can endure all things.
2007-02-10 03:49:46 · answer #11 · answered by Grown Lady 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋