my marriage is on the verge of a breakup and in the meantime i have fallen in love with another man who is married. his relations with his wife are just okay.both of us need emotional support but i cant bring my conscience to carry on , thinking that i might be breaking his home.he says its okay coz both of us are not gods and both of us need each other emotionally.i am very confused coz it is giving me mental stress every single day.my conscience is fighting with my emotions. i dont know what to do .please help..........!
2007-02-10 03:39:01 · 57 answers · asked by shivi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your marriage is on verge of breakup but why you want his marriage to break? That is not fair on your part. Leave him & look out for some one else not attached, he is married man maybe he just want to enjoy with you sexually now but will leave you after some time, but a unattached man will become your new life long partner. All his pleas that we are not God just show his actual desire that is purely sexual urge nothing more. He is making fool of you & emotionally playing so that you don’t leave him now. If he was a real friend he would have behaved in a different manner, even introduced you to his wife & helped you to find a suitable match for you but he is a fraud not genuine person. If you don’t believe me now one day you will remember me & realize when he will leave you helpless what ever I am telling you now were right but you did not give any importance to it.
2007-02-10 17:06:34 · answer #1 · answered by vijay m Indian Lawyer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shivi dear, I can understand the pain you are going through. I feel sorry for you, but you will have to make up your mind and take the decision yourself.
I think you are not from US but another country like me. You will probably not get much of favorable replies in this forum because in our country still the concept of relationship and marriage and also the traditions are different from that in US. Here a man and a woman stay together for whole life as husband and wife even if the love is missing between them. Things are changing but it will take a long time and also substantial economic development / social acceptance before we value true love as the prime requirement for any long lasting relationship.
Every person longs for love. I personally think that, considering the social perspective of our country, there is nothing wrong for you to love a married person, provided you don't hurt anyone. If you two truly love each other, I would say you should discuss this with your love and decide.
Good luck.
2007-02-10 04:35:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not judging, but speaking from experience most of us men will lead a woman on saying that our marriage is rocky and that we are looking to get out. Don't be fooled and don't be responsible for breaking up a family. End your relationship with this man until he and you are divorced, afterwards when both of you are available make a go at a relationship. This way you wont feel the stress and guilt, if he really loves you he will wait, if not then he isn't worth your time.
I do not condone divorces, and know that as long as you or him have someone else in your lives you will not try your 100% to solve your problems in your marriage (what happened to me). You already have a foot out the door, or a backup plan.
Your marriage can still work, no matter what! As long as you are willing to make a go at it. I have been married now for almost 16 years, and we are extremely happy now. We worked past my affair and I have NEVER cheated on her again. Good Luck hope you find happiness as I have.
2007-02-10 04:19:54 · answer #3 · answered by Archangel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would like to answer you from an Islamic perspective.Sister,
This is the very reason that Islam fobids the mixing of the
opposite sexes and asks the woman to wear the hijab in front
of men .Now what you have got into is a double jeopady.Not
only is it sinful for you to be in love with another man besides
your husband but you are are jeopadising two families and the
lives of innocent children if there are any.The good news is that
you are a good person at heart as your are feeling quilty about
the wrong that you are doing.The man that you think your are
in love with is just useing you as you are available.He seems
to be eating his cake and having it too, therefore he does not
want to end this relationship.Do not wait for him to make a
decision the decision is yous to make , take your power back
from him and stop this illegal relationship immediately.then
try to work out how you and your husband can sort out your
defferences and bring about a reconcillation especially if there
are children involved. put the needs of the children above all
else because this will have a great impact on their lives.I sugest
you go to a marriage councellor for professional help.Islam also
advises the woman to repent to Allah the almighty who always
accepts sincre repentance and you do not have to tell your
husband about this affair because it will do more harm than
good.May Allah make it easy for you in these difficult times
2007-02-11 02:46:40 · answer #4 · answered by sonu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's certainly okay to have feelings like this, you can't help who you connect with. However, acting on those feelings can make or break you.
what you need to do is come to an agreement with this other man. If you two part ways with your spouses, what kind of reprocussions will there be? Will it be worth it? Are you really miserable or just bored in your marriages? There are very important questions. If you think that you will be happy with this man, then you need to be honest with your husband. Even if you think this is just a fling or whatever, you still need to be honest with your husband and perhaps work on couples therapy or something similar (the guilt will eat you alive...I know from personal experience)
It's not fair to your husband, and it's not fair to his wife. Whatever you do, if you decide on a relationship...wait until after you split officially. It's the most horrific thing in the world to know that someone you love has started an emotional relationship with another person...all the while lying about it. I've been on both sides of the fence though, and neither are good places to be.
Just remember that honest is the best policy....and communication is key.
2007-02-10 04:00:23 · answer #5 · answered by Tiffany D 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hell yes it is wrong. Both of you are in the wrong. Haven't you ever heard of a marriage counselor or a divorce instead of cheating on your husband if your really not happy and it's not fixable you guys need to break up then and you tell the other man you don't want to keep seeking him for comfort leave the guy alone from now on and work it out with your husband tell him what you did and if he leaves why should you care if your really not happy being married to him. If you were you wouldn't have done this to him.
2007-02-10 10:22:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not wrong to fall in love sometimes it happens but id say it is wrong to act on it whilst you and your husband are still together and he is still with his wife if you love each other so much you should put things on hold until you have resolved things with your husband either way weather you decide to leave or try at your marriage and if this man is so unhappy with his wife he should leave her. Think how you would feel if you were his wife or even your husband. If your conscience is getting to you now think how you will feel when his wife finds out and is most likley to be devastated. Your most likley confused at the moment take a step babck and decide if you want to be with your husband or not if the answer is no then leave and then decide if your feelings for this man are real or if its just a case of maybe the graa is greener on the other side because once you leave it unlikley you will be able to go back.
2007-02-10 03:49:21 · answer #7 · answered by kazz06 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes it's wrong to go through with it, but it's definitely understandable. When your marriage is sour, I can surely see how easily it would be to get the attention you need and just do what your heart wants, but you have to put your mind back into it. Decide what you want and if you really want each other, you must first get out of the marriage, both of you. I'm in a bad relationship now and if I had something to look forward to, I would feel the same as you. Just make sure you really know what you want before you do it.
2007-02-10 05:45:18 · answer #8 · answered by Chix D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its very hard to be faithful and honest with yourself as it is to be with someone else. I think you should respect yourself and your marriage before you go on to having an affair. At the least wait till you ARE seperated before having sex with another person while living under the same roof as ur spouse! Have will power and don't cheat if that's not ur belief in life. If you do you will hate yourself for doing it. But you are just on here for opinions not for what YOU ARE going to do in the end. I would say NO don't do it! It could cause so much more problems in the long run! Good Luck and talk to your hubby if you havent already! Try to work htings out. There may be something going on with him that's holding him back!
2007-02-10 03:51:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are heading for a disaster my dear.
I don't know why your marriage is on the verge of a break-up. Is it for your present love affair?
This relationship is not leading you towards any positive direction. You rightfully think that you will be branded as a home-breaker as both the families will suffer for you.
If you cant bear with your present conjugal relationship (the cause may be your husband or may be you) then before taking any final decision better consult a good marriage counselor.
Don't be depressed, think positive. I hope everything will turn normal with some patience and control over emotion.
2007-02-10 18:51:05 · answer #10 · answered by Babul D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋