How to get my 16 yr old son to talk about his feelings?

Question

He use to have night terrors before I got the judge to award me sole custody. He's not seen his abusive father for two years this June. (since court) When I got him home that first summer from his father he was out going and very happy. He is very close to his older brother who joined the Air Force a year ago. Since his brother left he's fallen into a depression. Quitting everything! Soccor, boxing, track, wrestling. My oldest son talked to me about serious life events all the time. This son holds it all in. He tried to kill himself 3 years ago when his father was abusing him & he was forced by the police to go back to him. I feel he is so depressed cause he misses his best bud in the whole world...his brother. I know my sone is angry inside. He's had therapy for the abuse but not for the absence of his brother. I need him to open up to me but how?

Answer 1

I always found that the car was a good safe place to talk to my kids when they were that age. It is a confined place, so they can't flee. They don't have to look you in the face. Take a car trip, short or long. Talk about your own life and ask him for his advice...
Then the door is open for him to ask you..

Answer 2

Start a 15 minute a day session where each of you can ask a question and get an honest answer from each other. What is discussed in these forums is beyond reproach or even negative thoughts. These protected sessions give each of you the assurance that your answers won't be held against you. Getting started is hard but with time it will grow easier.

Answer 3

Wait ten years and keep your fingers crossed. Read any of John Gray's books on the Mars/Venus syndrome. Can't tell you how to make him open up but I can tell you how to close him down in a word. HOVER. He will clam up sure as heck then. Leave the kid alone. He'll talk when he's good and ready and possibly not to you. Create a loving, safe environment, that's all that you can do. Most boys are very introspective. They tend to think more than they tend to talk. Probably all that time Adam spent in the garden between his arrival and Eve's.

Answer 4

You can't...but you can talk to him and you can ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer.

Find different ways to get through to him....one way that worked with my daughter...when we were in the car we listened to her music and then I would comment on what I thought they were saying....I found out a lot about her by doing that.

Also tell him a little bit about what you were doing when you were 16.

**Goddess of Laundry is right the car is the perfect place.

Answer 5

I found the best way is to talk about yours....so that you can show by example how to do it..men seldom talk about their feelings infront of their children...and they are following the examples set by us...I ask for forgiveness for things I do to them...they in return do the same...but its from example

Answer 6

He's 16.....trust me, he's not going to open up to you much. But back into it, rather than taking it head on. Come from a different anlge....trick him in to answering it, by not using the "f"(feelings) word.....guys hate to talk about feelings...

Answer 7

16 year old boys seldom talk period. About their feelings? Never. He's not a girl. Teen boys don't sit around discussing feelings- they play ball, skateboard, listen to music and hang out.

Answer 8

leave him alone and when hes ready for help hell ask for it

Answer 9

i think u shud be his friend rather thn behaving like a parent it will take time but will work...it also depends on wat u wanna know frm him...use examples to make him understand

Answer 10

you're kidding, aren't you?