How do i convince my mother to find her a new man? She loves the man she is with, with all her heart and they have been together for a while but he just doesn't treat her the way a woman should be treated. He isn't abusive, he just doesn't give her the attention and affection and consideration that she deserves.
I see her cry everytime there is a special occasion and he gets her nothing or gets her something stupid even after she tells him what she would like or hints to what she wants. They never do anything together. They hardley ever are intimate and I know my mother has a very passionate desire in her.
I have tried to talk to her but it goes in one ear and out the other. My mother is not just my mother but my best friend as well and my heart aches for her and I get so upset when she crys about something he did or didn't do. She does everything for him and gets nothing in return but he says he loves her. She doesn't need this kind of love! How can I help my mother?
2007-02-10 02:16:22 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Men have to be TAUGHT how to love us ! We are very different from them with very differeent needs and priorities. Tell her to sit him down and clearly insdtruct him in what she wants from him.We all have this fantasy of a man who reads our mind and surprises us with just the right action but that's just a fantasy. I often will write letters to my husband telling him how to meet my needs and what I want. Also I reward him with lots of praise when he does what I need. It's kind of like training a puppy except you don't critisize when they mess up you say,"What I would have prefered for you to do is_____". It takes alot of the spontenyety out of the relationship but why do we spend time studying everything else in our lives and expect our most important relationships to just happen naturally ?! My husband really loves that he has clear ideas on how to make me happy ! He wants to please me cause he loves me so I guide him. Men have to be trained to love us ! And each person is unique and has different needs. Try to explain this to your mom.Good Luck !
2007-02-10 02:35:25 · answer #1 · answered by Clover 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've talked with her; have you talked with him? If you have, and nothing seems to work, there really is nothing else you can do except continue to love her and be there for her when she needs you.
It's her choice to be with this man, for whatever reasons. Something about him must be working for her to stay; perhaps if you found that, you and she could concentrate on his good points and realize that, if she wants to continue to be with him, she'll have to accept the total package without complaint.
She may very well "deserve better", but you can't change her choices; only she can.
2007-02-10 10:27:30 · answer #2 · answered by MomBear 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change your mother's life for her. She has to make the decision to change on her own. As you said, she loves him. There may be reasons for that which you do not know. All you can do is love and support your mother as long as he is not abusive.
I went through this myself. My Mom married a man I knew was a jerk. I told her what I thought before the marriage. 11 years later, they divorced. It took that long for Mom to see what everyone else already knew. There was nothing anyone could say that would convince her to leave before she was ready.
Love your Mom. That's all you can do.
2007-02-10 10:27:06 · answer #3 · answered by J.R. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could be my child writing this. If you were I'd want you to be there. Listen. It's hard enough, but one day I will say "I can't live this way anymore" and it could be you I'll need to lean on. I'm an adult and I know right from wrong but sometimes the little there is in my relationship is what I need right now. And thank you for loving me and caring.
2007-02-10 10:39:22 · answer #4 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but you really can't. At this age she should know a little bit better...But this is what she thinks she can "get" and maybe she doesn't think she can do better. Take her out with you ,but dress her up and do her hair,make-up...all of that. When she sees there are other option's ,and the option's take a second look she might think twice.
2007-02-10 10:28:18 · answer #5 · answered by M.R.M. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, it's not your decision to make. While your mother deserves better, she appears willing to accept what she has. In time, she may decide to make some changes in her life, but until then, all you can do is be there for her, and continue to love her.
2007-02-10 10:20:26 · answer #6 · answered by grandm 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U may feel sorry for ur mother but its not ur decision to make. If they say they love eachother they probably do. And he may not give her gifts or he gives her bad gifts but maybe he gives her something else...if u know what i mean
2007-02-10 10:42:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't "She loves the man she is with, with all her heart "
Your mom chose the person she feels she deserves, and she loves the man she is with, with all her heart. Focus on your own life, and stop being there when she cries.
2007-02-10 10:25:39 · answer #8 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, it is her life and her decision. It's hard to stand by and watch her be unhappy, but she is the one who must decide what to do. Talk to her and listen to her but accept that she is probably not going to change.
2007-02-10 10:20:45 · answer #9 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something she is going to have to decide to do on her own. When she gets enough. She will leave. You cannot make her do this.
2007-02-10 10:20:45 · answer #10 · answered by lizzybit64 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋