He is working and going to school and quite frankly I feel all around neglected. I do not know if I should just do more myself to keep busy, so I do not notice so much that we are not sleeping together.
2007-02-10 01:41:37 · 32 answers · asked by poetprincess 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A question I would ask you is :
Has this just started happening (or should I say not happening) since he started taking on both work and study simultaneously?
Often people, ofcourse both men and women can easily get run down (and perhaps not feel it quite so much themselves) when they are perhaps one of or a combination of overworking, taking on too much, not sleeping enough or getting enough energy in their diet...
Any of or a combination of the above can lead to loss of interest in sex...
What I would be interested to know is...
How long would this work and school situation be going on for..?
If it's for a long time, ie - more than a few months, I would definately have a good, honest chat with him about it.. After all, effective, healthy relationships take both your happiness to make it work!! :)
However, as (it sounds to be) a stressful time for him too, it would be ideal (as you said) to certainly try to busy yourself somehow... It's very easy to become prone to negative thought when you have idle time... Especially if you're a full time mother at home / working from home...
Find projects you haven put aside (if any) and get into them again -- get a bit of self satisfaction here... Don't let lonliness get the better of you....
All the best.
B
XXX
2007-02-10 01:54:23 · answer #1 · answered by B 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
It is no myth, that marriage will kill a great sex life. Sorry to tell you but I have had 2 marriages both with the same issue as yours. I guess it depends what is more important to you, a great sex life or a great marriage & family with a limited sex life ....
If he is an all round great guy working, going to school, to bring home an income so you can have a good life, dont get too disheartened - the poor guy is probably just knackered. Firstly, make sure he isnt having an affair and if that isnt the case take a couple of days off and go somewhere nice just the 2 of you. No work, no study, no kids , no house work. Just a nice chardonney and a room for 2. Good luck !!
2007-02-10 02:27:40 · answer #2 · answered by vat068 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how long you've been married, but couples go through periods where things kind of cool off for a while. Especially when life is busy and stressful. Don't freak out. It's temporary. Romance is a habit, and lack of romance quickly becomes a habit too. Have you talked about this with him? He may just need a little jump start. When your husband gets home from work or school, be waiting in some sexy lingerie. He'll love it! Or offer to just please him for a night. He'll appreciate the gesture, and will probably want to reciprocate. Most of all, relax, it's not you, it's just life.
Also-if you think it's a bigger issue, suggest he talk to his dr., maybe try viagra, change of diet, exercise, etc. or even talk to a counselor.
Good Luck!
2007-02-10 01:51:42 · answer #3 · answered by meowmeowkitty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to sent some time together, I know scheduling it's romantic but with busy lifestyles you have to think outside the box, If it's the sex, maybe try something "different" The karma sutra books, have some new and interesting things to try, Maybe role playing, or talking dirty, Not everything will work for every person, You have to be creative, You should sit down and talk about how your feeling, Maybe he is just taking on too much, and without realizing neglecting you.
2007-02-10 01:57:13 · answer #4 · answered by sdexcalibur 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You feel neglected, because you are being neglected. Your husband is working, and going to school. So, he has a full plate, and doesn't have time or energy do his part as far as making your marriage and relationship work and grow. Sadly, that means he isn't superman. But, isn't the idea that he goes to school, in order to better himself, and provide more for his family? I hope he's doing this with your support. Try to get through this period, and hopefully the pay back might include a villa in France, and vacations on yachts.
2007-02-10 02:27:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most likely, he is simply mentally and physically tired. His lack of drive is only temporary and once he's not under so much stress, he will then turn back to you. In the meanwhile, you should definitely get a part-time job, or take on a new hobby, or join a volunteer organization. If he doesn't change, though, within a few weeks after his stress is lightened and you decide it IS because of his lack of attraction to you, then you will have become a better person in the meantime and will be much more attractive to someone who is looking for a well-rounded partner. Good Luck to you in the future.
2007-02-10 02:07:57 · answer #6 · answered by Lois M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start doing things for yourself that make you feel good, be more independent instead of "needy" (guys think) and show confidence. He will notice this and gain more respect and interest in you again. Also, try to be more aggressive in the bedroom. Who says that he has to initiate sex. Why not wake him up with the best ******** he has ever had. The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect a different result. You have to keep it spicy and be confident in the bedroom like the sexy diva that you are. He will come back around, believe me!
2007-02-10 02:22:53 · answer #7 · answered by roxynautica 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well with just what we know here, it sounds as if he maybe mentally burned out, which could affect his sex drive, or maybe there is something else that maybe happening, for example, is he on any type of medications, there are lots of medications nowadays that completely drains us of our sexual appetite, mostly the ones that controls our emotions or pain killers, that can and will have a profound affect on a person's sex life.
Talk to your husband, let him know that you know what you all have planned and all, but you need to know that the reason for the lost of interest in sex is due to something else, not because of the way one of you are feeling about/in the relationship. If this bother you more than now, talk with your family doctor about it, they will know where to guide you from there, It is something I think mostly everyone goes through, but understanding WHY is the key......Good Luck
2007-02-10 02:27:57 · answer #8 · answered by Ann J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you need to do is talk to him about it and let him know you feel neglected. Men are like clocks we just keep going until we stop (this could be totally unintentional), this is a built in instinct we have and you expect him to know what you are thinking by not talking to him about it. Try it and if that's not the case then I would try masturbation this is a good technique to relieve some of your stress of your feeling from him not paying attention to you (I'm not trying to be a smart a_s either). Good luck to you!
2007-02-10 02:05:07 · answer #9 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing, but I was the one who was tired all the time from working and going to school. I still wanted to "take care of business though." If you do initiate the sex make sure you do it with complete confidence in yourself, because that will stimulate him. If he does not respond then something is wrong with him..NOT YOU! Everybody goes through ruts. I have been married 17 years and we have had ours. Just keep working at it...GOOD LUCK!
2007-02-10 02:00:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋