how to deal with feeling like an underachiever?

Question

others who are about my age and went to the same college are eons beyond where I am. I feel like I have wasted my time (six years almost seven) and I just feel so bummed. I have tried to get going and make progress but then I realize how mediocre I am, how far away i am, and give up again.

Answer 1

this is nature's law of what comes around goes around. When you are cruel and kick people when they are down, it comes back on you.

Re-evaluate your kindness quotient and don't be so jugemental and then God will smile on you and things will go smoother. But even though you were cruel to me on one of the worst days of my life..after getting off phone at suicide prevention after two hours even though the unjkindness of three relatives today after a funeral devastated me and I have been up all night and people on here unkind too and it's all got me sitting here with tears streaming down my face, I must tell you that none of us are mediocre.

The fact that you perserved several years at college which I know first hand was so hard and took multiple sacrifices and mine was wasted by a mistake at age 45 due to desparate situation (stole pregnancy test after rape and got caught and lost teaching licence..I was disabled from a car wreck at the time and no money) at least you still have a chance.

I was upset by what you said to me, but in looking at your question I wish to add, you have what it takes..sometimes it is just harder for some while others have lucky breaks. Just reevaluate if you treat others as you wish to be treated and God will move unto the next page with you and also remember your mind is wrong, you are not an underachiever or mediocre..you made it through college and challenges and in the end of this answer I must apologize for it and say, friend, work hard, trust God, be the best you can be, and your time will come. It isn't necessarily that they are superior ust lucky or in the right place at the right time.

Also sometimes what we want for our lives is not what God wants..learn to love yourself and your situation ..bring acceptance of your lot and rememebr your good in life and you will not feel so bad,.

Good luck! and you don't have to wish they will find out about my record and not hire me as a teacher as I'm not going to try teaching..after all. It was just the suicide prevention worker saw how crappy my life was and thought if I could get the courage to apply for teaching, I could improve my life and those of others (the kids I love so much), but I am not brave enough to try to apply and go back and renew license. I was just for a minute I had hope maybe I could change things for the better but you and three other posters shot me down and I realized, it is not meant to be.

Answer 2

I have to say that I feel the same way. I recall in high school bragging to everyone (sort of tongue-in-cheek) that I'd be the next Steve Spielberg and that I'd be a millionaire before I was 20. When I was 25 or 26, I moved it up to 30. Now 40 is less than a year away, so I guess I need to readjust that goal yet again. Oy vey!

But I've come to realize three things in that time:

1) We have to break from the ridiculous definition of success that society imposes upon us. If you're making six-figures, living in an upscale neighborhood/suburb, driving a BMW, sitting on the board of some museum, then you're successful. If live in a modest house in a modest neighborhood, constantly wiping your kids noses, barely keeping a step or two ahead of the bills, and you drive a 10-year-old Toyota minivan, you're not successful. Nevermind, of course, that the former is a miserable alcaholic who struggles constantly to keep up appearances and works so much s/he's probably going to have a hearet attack at age 45, or that the latter is actually quite happy because though he/she struggles a bit, s/he's rewarded with time to spend with her family. So success is in the eye of the beholder. (And keep in mind the psychological studies which suggest that once the basic necessities are met--food, shelter, etc.--happiness does NOT necessarily increase with wealth.)

2) You can't judge your success on the perceived successes of other people. You're your own person, stop basing your life on your friends and neighbors. Do what makes YOU happy; live the life YOU want to live. (And really, is it possible that you are already but are too caught up in comparative self-analysis to even notice that? Stop and take a breath for a minute and maybe you'll discover that you are fundamentally happy.)

3) Do what you love. OK, I know, that's a cliche; a Reader's Digest condensed axiom. But there's a grain of truth in it. Is it possible that you need to readjust your direction a bit, maybe find something that you'd like doing better? A lot of people decide on professions in the pursuit of wealth and not necessarily because it's something they think they'd love to do (how else to explain all the lawyers and hedge fund managers?). So maybe you can scale back a bit, try for a lower rung on the ladder, or maybe even a different ladder altogether? Don't make it about success for it's own sake, make it for what will satisfy you.

For myself, I spent so much time planning and scraping to make the Hollywood dream, I never stopped to think that there might be something more satisfying out there. Ironically, I've discovered that there is--teaching--but because of circumstances, it's a little too late for me even to switch to that (and still pay my mortgage).

So just relax, take stock of what you've got, and learn to care less about what your friends think. You may be more satisfied with your life than you think.

(Now, please return the advice so that I can believe it for myself.)

Answer 3

These thoughts you make is the trap you fall in.
Each one of us has a unique "talent". Have you tried to find out which one is your own? You do not have to be a genious to feel that you achieve. Even small, simple achievements are useful, good, decent.
Start from the little and the small. When you succeed in these, proceed. Each one grows at his own rate. Do not hurry, do what you know you can even if it doesn"t seem as big as what others have done.
And stop thinking you are underachiever because finally you will believe it and that's the time that you will be one!
Get on!

Answer 4

Believe that you have a unique purpose and potential in the world. It's not so much something to create as to be discovered. And it's up to you to discover it. Believe that you can and will make a difference.

Recognize that everything you do, every step you take, every sentence you write, every word you speak-or DON'T speak--counts. Nothing is trivial. The world may be big, but there are no small things. Everything matters.

To be the change you want to see in the world, you don't have to be loud. You don't have to be eloquent. You don't have to be elected. You don't even have to be particularly smart or well educated. You do, however, have to be committed.

Don't wait for things to be right in order to begin. Change is messy. Things will never be just right. Follow Teddy Roosevelt's timeless advice, "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."

The genesis for change is awareness. We cannot change what we don't acknowledge. Most of the time, we aren't aware of what's wrong or what's not working. We don't see what could be. By becoming more aware, we begin the process of change.

Take to heart these words from Albert Einstein--arguably one of the smartest change masters who ever lived: "All meaningful and lasting change starts first in your imagination and then works its way out. Imagination is more important than knowledge."

In order for things to change, YOU have to change. We can't change others; we can only change ourselves. However, when WE change, it changes everything. And in doing so, we truly can be the change we want to see in the world.

Good luck!

Answer 5

It is so easy to feel that way when you set up your goals and expectations so high.
Go easy on yourself. You have a wonderful psyche and a fine mind and brain power enough to get you thru school. Did you reward yourself ? No. Instead you looked for the reward at the end of the tunnel. Knowledge itself is the reward.

Someone said "Life is what happens when you are looking into what to do in the next stage"

Life happens. You can live your life in simple moments. They do not have to be huge deliriously successful moments.

Define yourself with little successes. Look at your physical body and recognize how it works for you and your dreams. Recognize it and cherish the gifts you are given.

Answer 6

Part of the problem is that you are a whiner instead of an achiever. Until you stop feeling sorry for yourself and get off your butt, you'll never achieve anything! Here is what I suggest, go to a psychologist and get some help with developing constructive motivation. Change your self-talk from negative to positive and it will improve your self-image. Start seeing daily setbacks as challenges to be overcome instead of insurmountable obstructions to happiness. This si only a starting point, it takes sustained effort to be successful and find true happiness.
.

Answer 7

The only thing I can suggest is for you to start focusing on something that you really enjoy. If you continue to focus on your negative feelings, more negativity will come to you. In a sense you need to ask yourself for what you want in life and it will come. I know this sounds crazy, but if you train yourself to think positive thoughts you as a whole person will be happier. If school hasn't made you feel the way you thought it would, there has to be something else in life you really enjoy?!

Answer 8

When u find out u better tell me, cause i am pretty much in the same situation, only for me its been 3 years and already i am so disgusted of society that just dont give a chance to those who deserve..
I know it is not my fault. I am doing my best, in the given situation.
Who knows maybe tomorrow ill get lucky...

Answer 9

there are so may things to focus on. The world.
Millions of pple are suffering world wide; hunger, malnutrition, poverty, sickness, incurable disease, death..
We must learn to look at a different perspective and try to change our mindset.
By feeling angry and pity about yourself , is not going to improve the situation. Take some action.
Maybe you are good at something else.
Try volunteery work. It's fruitful, it helps you to deal with your daily life.
You sound young. There are so many things to do. STOP BLAMING YOURSELF and try to get consent from others.

Answer 10

My theory is that most people have similar abilities but they are blocked by other mental processes to a lesser or greater extent.

The obvious one here, from what you say, is lack of self-esteem. I can identify with this, it took me a long time to overcome it and, sorry, but it never fully goes away.

Get help, friends, family, even professional, to help you find out why you feel this way about yourself. But believe, please, the ability is within you for sure, and you need to control the damaging thoughts that are hiding it.