i never wanted a child and i had clarified that to her beofre marriage. we went around for 2 yrs. and she was crazy to get married with me and she promised that she will never want children. so i happy and i believed in her and got married. but soon after 4 yrs of happy and successful marrieg we also became rich as i did good at my work. then she cribbed about having children 8 months ago and i told her u r cheating me and dont ruin my life by having kids. and i told her that now i will divorse u.but then she cried so much and convinced me that she will never want kids again. but then after 6 months she concived and then i told her to abort, and she refused. i am total break down from that time and i feel betrayed. and she is also not ready to leaveme. i am locked. i need to get my freedom. i was clear from the beginning. she is not even financially independednt. She will delivar the baby in next 25 days. i am freaked out.
2007-02-10 00:13:55 · 35 answers · asked by shriram_karpur 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dude, seems to me that you likely got the typical american minded women as a wife. She only cares what she likes, wants, etc. She didnt care and doesnt care what you think or want or say or mean. If a woman wants a kid, trust me, they will have a kid. Women find a way to do just what they want for the most part.
But, let me also say this to you. You should be wise enough to realize that whenever you have sex, pregnancy is possible. Nothing is garunteed to include birth control devices, meds, etc. Only certain way I know of to make sure you dont have a kid is to not have sex.
Now, having a child is a blessing and you should keep that in mind. While you might not have wanted kids, you did have a part in making it. Plus, you just never know how this child might make your life a thousand times better. Crap, the kid may discover a cure for cancer or something. Do not be short sighted here. Just because you think you know how things will work, doesnt mean that you do know. Simply pray the kid is healthy, then do the best you possibly can to be a good father to the child. It deserves no less. And considereing that your wife may just be a piece of crap or using you, you will need to make sure it has one good parent, so that leaves you, doesnt it?
Dude, being a man isnt easy, often means that what we like or want or need counts for nothing and often means we feel like a dope for doing what we should. That is life man. Get used to it. If you are rich, at least you are in a much better position to be able to do the right things for your family then many people are. Many times, what you may do is look and try to see just how much worse off you could be.
2007-02-10 04:34:00 · answer #1 · answered by operatingengineerjw 1 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Sorry to say this, but you are just as much to blame as she is. Yes you told her you didn't want children from the start, but it is obvious that you didn't do your part by either using a condom or having a vasectomy. You are being cruel by placing all the blame on her, and you can't force her to have an abortion since it is her body that needs to go through the hell and emotional consequence.
You are about to have a child, this is not the end of the world. You will have to adjust but having a child is a wonderful experience, yes there is the staying up late, the diapers, spit-ups but all this is well worth it when you get to hold them and cherish them. Hope you have a change of heart! Good luck.
2007-02-10 05:35:57 · answer #2 · answered by Archangel 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Whenever you and your partner both feel that it's the right time for you. There is an assumption that you are just waiting for your GP to give you the go-ahead at your six week postnatal check. But some suggest that it's a good idea to try making love before the doctor's visit so that you can then discuss any problems you encounter. Some couples do resume their sex life within the first month, and many more resume it between one and three months, but there is a sizeable minority who wait till about the six-month mark, or even a year. There is no norm that you have to aim for. Why does it take so long? New mothers feel reluctant or uninterested for a variety of reasons. The most obvious is soreness from an episiotomy and stitches. Even if you haven't had an episiotomy or a tear, the perineal area can feel bruised and sensitive for some time. It makes sense to let the wound heal and the stitches dissolve before you have intercourse. Tiredness is another overwhelming factor. Looking after a baby 24 hours a day is exhausting physically and emotionally, so when you get into bed you just want to sleep. Your perception of your own body might hold you back -- it may feel so changed by the processes of pregnancy and birth that you need time for it to recover before you feel like you again. Many women report that their libido is low at this time of their lives -- they just don't feel sexy. What if my partner wants sex before I do? This situation does sometimes occur and needs love and understanding from both partners to prevent it becoming a problem. First, it is important for you each to talk about your feelings. Your partner might well feel rejected if you don't want sex, so it is up to you to explain the physical discomfort or anxieties that are holding you back. Perhaps the first priority for you as a couple is to carve out some together time -- many couples complain that there just isn't time in their lives for each other during these early weeks and months with a baby. Words and cuddles can do much to convey affection and emotion, and you will both benefit from this closeness. On the physical side, sex doesn't have to mean full penetration -- the stimulation of touch alone can be highly pleasurable. Are there any practical tips to help with all these problems? There are several ways you can help yourselves: • K-Y jelly or another lubricant can be very helpful if the perineal area is feeling sensitive. It also helps with the vaginal dryness many women experience at this time. • Full sexual intercourse doesn't have to happen the first time you feel sensuous or aroused. It may be easier to think of just cuddling at first, and gradually getting used to being touched in a sexual way again. • When you do have intercourse, choose a position that doesn't put too much pressure on wherever you are feeling sensitive. • If tiredness is your biggest problem, try making love during your baby's nap time, when you are not too exhausted to enjoy it. • Do your pelvic floor exercises to bring back muscular tone to your vagina, and look out some postnatal exercise classes to help get back into shape and raise your morale. • Eat well, and drink plenty of fluids. Rest whenever you can. Looking after a new baby is extremely demanding. In order to have any energy left over, you need to be looking after yourself very carefully. Are there any problems that I should worry about? If intercourse continues to be painful, despite going carefully and gently about it and taking your time, it is worth talking to your GP about it. Sometimes the way a tear or an episiotomy is stitched can cause long-term discomfort, which a further surgical procedure can put right. If you have a vaginal discharge that smells unpleasant, you could have an infection that requires medical attention. If you are still losing blood from your vagina after four weeks, or have a sudden increase in blood loss, report this to your doctor.
2016-03-29 00:47:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen friend, i dont know what it is that makes u hate children. ur mother and father ddint hate children. if they did u would not have been here typing a weir question and wasting precious 5 points. why do u hate children so much? is it because of something taht happened to u in ur childood? if so u should think that this should not happen to ur child and not that the best way to prevent such thing is not have a kid at all. there are many couples in this world who long for a child to fill thir lap. ifu didnt want a child why didnt u get any protection. u knew that things may go wrong sometimes. also u cant blame ur wife for having the desire to be a mother. if u are scraed of the responsibilities, u neednt worry at all. ur wife will be there for the child. if she can manage an eccentric like u, she definitely wil manage a sweet innocent baby.,there are more things to life than money and a successful business. freind, there will come a time in ur life when all the money u managed to amass will be no more of value than scraps of paper.believ me, u r going to love this child, he may be the one who migh fill ur life with love and joy. may lord keep u sane and keep ur child healthy.
2007-02-10 00:42:51 · answer #4 · answered by lilac4u 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
you need to grow up.. Granted things were talked about before you guys got married but if you really did not want to have kids then you would have wore a condom every time you had sex with her... I hope that the baby is not yours because you are one selfish person and no baby need to feel that they will not be loved by one parent... you knew the possibility of having unprotected sex. So what she is not financially independent she got you to help her... You need to seek some help, or just be the average man and leave her and the baby alone, but don't come crying when you are taken to court for child support... Take this as a lesson learned... No glove... NO love....
2007-02-10 01:02:05 · answer #5 · answered by Shonda 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
hello,
this is your fault....you cannot blame her for your actions you should have had the surgery like men that don't want children......stop pointing the finger...your a control freak and god or what ever you belive in has punished you to show you the world don't revolve you.....the thing is i got pregnant by a man that had the vestocomy and i still got a baby out of it....and i didn't want any more children.....so if its ment to happen its going to happen....you cannot stop nature that is life and you need to support her and her body is chainging so much right now and you are being an azz by being mean to her....who cares how much money you make or that you don't want children....thats now the point your a self centered man and don't give a crap about any one else....you are oddviousley older and more wiser than a teenager so you need to act like it and be a man for once and grow up....the baby is going to come weather you like it or not.....that is the way it works....your self centered and some one interfiered boo f'n hoo now get balls and raise your child...it is the little book called life.....welcome to the real world
2007-02-10 02:29:36 · answer #6 · answered by wendy p 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Just take a minute to think about it.
#1. You were probably having unprotected sex.
#2 You didn't have a vasectomy.
#3 Accidents happen.
So, if you think about those 3 factors you were not really protecting yourself against having a kid.
SO you have got to man up and deal with it. You can not escape your responsibilities as a father. This child will give you a chance to see beyond yourself and not be so self centered. Get a vasectomy so you won't have anymore kids.
Do not take this out on your child. He or she is the innocent one. I hope everything works out for you and your family.
2007-02-10 00:51:25 · answer #7 · answered by You Don't Know Me! 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Shame on you for never wanting children, i feel bad for your unborn child your wife out to just leave you seeing how you are so rich you can pay loads of child support and your wife can keep the house you live in to seeing how you are a selfish person before you find someone else make sure you get fixed before having sex..i say it like a dog cause that is what you are a dog
2007-02-10 00:40:47 · answer #8 · answered by Mary O 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Hang in there, I never wanted kids either. My wife always did. After twelve years of marriage she got pregnant. I was torn between being very happy for her and "oh no" my life is over. Well the baby is here, my life is not over, in fact my life is more important then ever. I'm responsible for a new life. A lot of people told me I will feel different when its mine, they were wright. I'm happy and my wife's dream has come true.
PS: gotta go the pain in the neck is crying again!! Only kidding, I also got a new sense of humor. LOL!!
2007-02-10 00:43:56 · answer #9 · answered by Geoff 2 · 4⤊ 2⤋
I understand your anger, and feelings of betrayal, but the truth is....it doesn't matter. The child is coming just the same, and if you divorce her or not, you are still going to be responsible for the child. If you choose not to be involved emotionally than monetarily will go without saying. Just to add some positive insight....12 years ago I got pregnant, my husband (x now) wanted me to abort. I told him no and that he didn't ever have to talk to me again if he chose to do so because I was having the baby with or without him. When our son was born, it was the happiest moment of the husbands life. Now he and his son are as close as a father and son could ever be. There is no time for you to worry now about how you feel mad or whatever. You are entitled to your feelings, and are right to feel them, BUT you have been given a great gift.
2007-02-10 00:30:43 · answer #10 · answered by T Jae 2 · 5⤊ 2⤋