Why not have an affair?

Question

I am very unhappily married for 12 years. We have 2 small children. We probably had sex less than 10 times in 12 years (he has a problem in this area). I can't get a divorce and leave because of my children. I am staying only because of them. I owe it to them since I decided to have them to provide the best life for them. My husband and I don't fight, don't go out, etc. It's more of a friend type relationship...which I am sick of. NO sex for over 6 months, prior to that over 1 year, etc... Why not have an affair? What is wrong with that?

Answer 1

I don't understand women like you, in one hand you said you care about your children and want the best for them... but you want to cheat?? How could they ever grow up with moral if their own mother is such a bad example? Believe me, they will find out. People will talk and your children will be embarrassed to have a mother like you. He is still their father, betraying him is betraying them, too.

You should leave him before you cheat on him because the damage is the same for your children.

Answer 2

You state that you have been unhappily married for 12 yrs and have 2 small children, so how is staying in an unhappy marriage doing your children a favor? Don't lay blame on your children as your reason for staying in an unhappy marriage.

Get out of the marriage if your that unhappy. You took a vow to be with him, I'll just bet that having an affair wasn't part of the vows you both took. Either your with him or get out of the marriage, but don't lay that garbage at your childrens feet.

You talk about doing what is best for your children, but that isn't best for your children. Living with parents who show no affection for one another doesn't give your children an example of how or what a happy marriage is all about. They will grow up and get married to some one just like your husband and it will go south just as your marriage has. They won't have a clue as to what's wrong or even why it happened.

Have you ever asked him to go with you for counseling or have you just been floating along just taking until your finally fed up; and now your thinking of an affair. Oh yes, cause that's just the answer to all your problems, NOT!

I'm sure that you mean well, that you really do want the best for your children. But your children also need to know that affection and love are also part a of marriage between a husband and wife. They can not learn what they do not see.

You must also think of the std's out there as they are real and very much alive and doing well. What if you have your affair and you contract aids? What if you don't know and then one day your husband wants sex with you and you give it to him. Who will be there for your children when your both too sick to care for them, or when your die? I'll bet you haven't thought about all of that, have you?

I know some one that has aids,he get sick a lot and has come so close to death many times. He has been in the hospital more times than I can even count and his hospital stays are for a couple of weeks at a time.

No one likes divorce, but it's better than living a lie and making your children live it too.



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Answer 3

The funny thing is there is this myth that men want sex and we women don't and the more I talk to my friends and women I know, the more they complain about the lack of sex. I don't think you are alone, and some women do look outside a marriage for sex. But that is going to complicate your life and may end your marriage despite your best intentions.

You are commendable for putting kids first. But unhappy wives make unhappy moms so you need to think about what else could bring you satisfaction. Add a new hobby, class, exercise. No, none of that subs for sex, but an affair usually doesn't help an unhappy marriage.

I am sure you know to have him think about what he wants with you and if he is willing to get professional help. I am sure you have asked for sex, used closeness for sex and let him just plain know it is not working for you. Videos, books, weekend away all may be worth investigating.

A wise person once said to me the more you focus on the problem the bigger the problem gets, the more you focus on the solution, the bigger it gets. Probably the affair is not a solution. Good Luck.

Answer 4

you can't just go have an affair just because you are unhappily married because it is just wrong........you shouldn't stay together just for the children either, they know or will know full well all of the issues you have; you and your husband are role models; do you want them to grow up in that type household so they can go off and have a marriage just like yours; .probably not.....if you two are such good friends, a divorce should be easy and you can continue to both be there for the kids.

Answer 5

Are these the standards that you want for your children? If things don't go your way just cheat? OR If things don't go your way fight for what you want?

Talk to your husband, let him understand the way you feel. Maybe there is something that needs to come out before this aspect of your marriage can be resolved. If not then maybe there is something you can do to help your husband be more "physical". There is NO better sex than with your spouse, clean, loving, trusting, caring. The list goes on, Good luck!

Answer 6

You think you life is complicated now what would it be like if you have to sneak around to have sex. If you are staying married because of your children you are wrong. It is not healthy for children to grow up in that kind of environment. I think you should talk to your husband about how you feel and settle once and for all about how you both will live the rest of your lives. Why live unhappy? You can still provide a good life for your kids. Seeing you and your husband showing no love and affection will only teach them that its OK to grow up doing the same thing. Free yourself you'll be happier.

Answer 7

Maybe when you got married you didn't realize you were marrying a man, for everyone knows that a mans virility isn't guaranteed to last the entire length of his life or his marriage.You also knew when you married that you committed to him as well as the kids you created.I agree with your statement concerning the kids first and I applaud you for that,but you having an affair will hurt them worst than a divorce.If your man can't be helped medically then you have to decide if you want out of the marriage.Adultery should never be an option for it's sinful and nothing good comes from sin,too many after effects.You will mostly hurt your own soul by betraying what you know is most sacred.If you want out then leave,don't cheat and lower who you are for lust.

Answer 8

I know of some couples that have their own bedroom and stay married but have their own life. With open communication, I would tell him how you feel and see if he is unhappy also. Even with a divorce you can still provide the best life for the children. They may even be feeling your unhappiness in the home. Can you live with your conscious if you have an affair?

Answer 9

Ma'am,

Do you honestly think staying in an unhappy marriage is best for your children? Let's not even start about the impact of adultery on families. Quit your bitching and make a decision: either remain faithful, stay in your marriage and make the best out of a terrible situation or get a divorce. It's that simple.

Answer 10

It is a hurtfull thing to have happen to you..... to be cheated on. Even if the relationship isnt working its best to be honest about it than go behind their back and cheat. You are staying with him because of your children.... how old are they. Are they old enough to understand? I break up doesnt have to be nasty..... you can break up on good terms you know...... do you also have financial motive for staying with your husband.... i know that it can be difficult to be a single parent and trying to put your children through school, but if he is a decent enough father he would contribute to the childrens schooling etc. It is a difficult place to be in. every woman wants to know that she is attractive... have you tried to help your husband with his problems. Let him know how you feel and explore all avenues of fixing the sex drive/ libido problems - of your parner before you do anything else... there is viagra for men now ..... if only it was that easy for women with sexual dysfunction.