I recently broke up with a guy, and about a week afterwards, discovered that I am in fact pregnant. There is no hope of getting back together with him, it's just not what I want, we don't fit.
He already has 2 children who live in the same town, yet he never sees them (by his own choice) and he does not pay child support. We are living in a town where neither of us is from, we have no family or real friends here. Because of that, he has decided to move back to where all of his family is. I plan on staying here. I really have no real desire to tell him that I am pregnant, since he will be gone anyways and I don't really feel he needs to be around. I will likely never tell him, unless my child wants to know, so should I suck it up and tell him now? Having him around will do nothing but stress me out and right now (because he will try to use it to convince me to get back together with him), and I really don't need the added stress in my life.
2007-02-09 19:20:42 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I like all of the answers so far! Thank you for your insight. He does not pay child support because the other mother also wants nothing to do with him -- Period. Not even enough to go after support. She doesn't deny him access, but she would rather he just not be around. He simply is not a father type, and not someone I would want my child "looking up to." He is the kind of guy who will promise to take them camping some weekend and not show up. I broke up with him because he is lazy, has no dreams or ambitions for his life, and I do. He hasn't had a full week of work in since I met him, he calls in sick just to have a day off to play computer games. That is why we do not fit together. I am prepared and happy to become a mother to this new child, but I won't be his mother any longer. When he moves, the FLIGHT between him and I will be 8 hours. He can't even make the 1/2 hour drive to see his other kids.
2007-02-09 19:42:24 · update #1
sweet heart i have a 14 yr old son who has never seen his natural father. and he knows it is not because i didn't try and it was the best feeling in the world the day my boy said to me "thank you mom for trying to get my dad to be apart of my life" granted you child's father may turn out repeating the same thing that he has with his other kids. but at least in your heart you will know you did the right thing. don't let your feeling interfere with what you know is the right thing to do. tell him and be free of the guilt that could one day haunt you.
2007-02-09 19:41:27 · answer #1 · answered by defineme is back on top 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not about your desire to tell him. if this child is part of his creation he has the right to know. how he acts afterwards may be out of your control, but that is his choice.
you never know how the news will affect him. I'm not saying it will be a cinderella story and he will suddenly do right in your and his other childrens live, but knowing he has not one, not two, but three children out there may be news that (perhaps eventually) makes him get his life together -- at least decide to keep it in his pants and spare other women from becoming his babysmommas.
and about the stress you dont want in your life, I'm sorry, truth is you waived your right to the moment you laid down with him and conceived this child. sounds like you werent bargaining for the baby or the stress but those are real possibiilites (now realities) you accepted when you did what you did with him
good luck
2007-02-10 03:29:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell him. You never know, he may have an emphiany and decide that he is going to do right by this child, even if he didn't for the others. You shouldn't spring on him that he is a father when you child gets 10 years old and wants to know for his or herself. That is just not fair. You don't have the right to deny him the CHANCE to be a father from the beginning. If he chooses not to, it will be by his own accord, not because you chose it to be that way. Hope this helps.
2007-02-10 03:26:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him then present him with a form to sign off all parental rights. You already know he isn't going to be there and you don't want to have problems with custody or anything, plus if something happens to you the first person your child will be going to is him, if he is already a bad dad then this will allow the baby to stay in your family. You deserve to be free from this guy and having a child with him always gives him a chance to pop back into your life whenever he wants to.
2007-02-10 04:08:54 · answer #4 · answered by MOMMY585 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why isn't he paying child support for his other two children? I suggest you do tell him though...and then go file for child support. Whether or not you WANT him in your life doesn't matter, he still has the RIGHT to know, and the child has the right to the support. As for not wanting the stress? Well that is what you CHOSE to get involved with when you CHOSE to have sex with the guy...It comes with the territory.
2007-02-10 03:30:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
DONT TELL HIM. You should not be with someone like that you want to enjoy being pregnant and having him would make it a nihtmare believe i have learned from experience. And if has to other kids then he doesn't need to know. I wouldn't tell him if i were you. it would make your life so much easier, because what would happen if after you have the baby he tries to take it away from you. i think its best that he never finds out. now later on if your child wants to know then go ahead on tell him or her the truth.well i wish you the best of luck.remember be happy and enjoy this time, sooner or later you'll wish that they were back inside you.
2007-02-10 03:53:05 · answer #6 · answered by enchanted_dreamer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he has the right to know. Unfortunately. Just because you have a child together, doesn't mean you have to get back together. I don't know the circumstances, but it's your prerogative to be or not to be with him. If you choose not to be with him, the child is still his. If he insists on being around for the child, he has to take responsibility such as pay child support.
2007-02-10 03:30:40 · answer #7 · answered by deverag 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey i know how u feel i was pregnant to my x and didnt know if i should tell him but i caved and told him. He has two other kids he barely sees. I gave him the ultimatem either be with us or u have limited access to her and as for child support if he dont pay he dont see the baby. He pays and has 2 access visits a week. if he misses child support then he dont c her. if he works child support agency will dip into his pay b4 he gets it and its a lot if he works its only $8 every 3 months if he dont.
2007-02-10 03:28:27 · answer #8 · answered by k 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he has the right to know he will be a father regardless of how many children/stress or whatever is in his or your life.
You can always tell him your pregnant, but you do not want a relationship with him. But, give him the option of knowing about his child...wouldn't you wanna know? Besides, telling him isn't for you, its for your child.
2007-02-10 03:22:58 · answer #9 · answered by HarleeNicole 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
tell him. so if anything comes up legally u are not at fault. and if ur child later in life asks u can be like "well i told him and he chose..." if u dont want anything to do with him, u have fulfilled ur obligation and if he is as big a deadbeat as u say, he shouldnt pursue so i dont think u have anything to worry about just let him kno for good faith. u never kno what could arise.
2007-02-10 14:27:58 · answer #10 · answered by Not here 2 make friends 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋