My wife and I have been married for 3yrs. My problem is more then just one thing. She allows my 2 stepkids to live with her Grandma and their Grandma's Girlfriend. That it's self is hard for me to swallow but I feel that we should all be a family and live 2gether. But I understand that the kids have only known thier mom and their gma but its time to move on and be a family.Also my mother in law talked to my wife's ex the kids father and now after 3yrs he finally wants something to do with them.Now the girls are only 3&5yrs old it is good that thier father finally wants to be a dad but now my wife let our 5yr old move to another state with her father.2weeks later our 5yr old calls crying wanting to come back home. My wife went 2 go get her but the cops wouldn't let her remove the child from the state. Her ex brought the child back to us and now she wants to live there. We can't drive 500miles everytime she cries. She's only 5yrs old.She needs to stay home right? Am i right or wrong????
2007-02-09 18:56:50 · 6 answers · asked by confused guy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What a terrible situation for those two children. You have a very good reason to be concerned for them. You and your wife need to bring some serious stability into those children's life, starting right now...today, and not a moment later. Those children need to live with the two of you permanently. They should have visitations with their father, if he is a good person and can be trusted with them. Their visits must start out slowly and be short with supervision so both children can get to know him and build up a relationship with this man that they have not known until recently. Their mother must provide them with the security that they desperately need at their ages; therefore she should be present at these visits for a while. Their father should make frequent trips out to see them, rather than send the children out to visit him. As for the grandmother, she too should continue to have frequent visits with the children, after all they did live with her. As for the reasons they lived with her, I don't understand. I hope your wife had a good reason for allowing her children to live with her mother. I can't imagine why she would do such a thing...You are now the man of the family, and it sure seems like your family can use good judgment and security. Start by insisting that you all live under the same roof, and allow the appropriate visitations as long as the children seem well adjusted and want to see their father and grandmother. Those young children are too young to know what they need, so don't let their crying determine what is best for them. Sometimes parents need to say no! They need to know that your home will always be home from now on, and their father and grandmother will be people that they enjoy visits with. If you and your wife don't agree with this decision, then I suggest you get some marriage counseling for both of your sake and for the sake of your family.
2007-02-09 19:22:10 · answer #1 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're dealing with multiple problems. First of all, it doesn't make any sense that your wife would have her young children live with grandmother instead of her. Maybe she's suffering from depression or something, it doesn't seem like she's thinking straight to me.
Letting a 5 yr old move in with a father she hasn't seen in 3 years doesn't make any sense either. Your wife isn't showing good judgement on that making that decision. Maybe you could suggest she seek out some counseling. It might not hurt to get some counseling for the 5 yr old too. She's bound to be a little confused at this point having been passed around like that.
Good Luck!
2007-02-10 18:19:50 · answer #2 · answered by Ruby V 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a bad situation. don't worry about grandma I'm sure she loves those girls very much. The thing I'd be worried about is why a woman would let a 5 year old leave the state. do you have any say in this marriage at all. You sound like a caring , family oriented man. You have some major choices to make and stand up and put you foot down for a change.
2007-02-09 19:14:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get some marriage counseling, but it takes two too make it work. I know they will be able to help and give both of ya'll the answers ya'll nedd to hear.. The kids are very young, and i just kind of went threw the same thing, actually still going threw it. I tried doing it my way and got myself in trouble one too many times, so i am doing what my counselor told me i needed to do and went get some legal advice and i think everything is gonna work out fine now. Sometimes we have do it the legal way because the other spouse just don't want to cooperate with the other. Good luck, and i'm will keep ya'll in my prayers.
2007-02-09 19:40:06 · answer #4 · answered by take-it 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your both right and wrong, as I have been on both sides of this, I think the most important part of this is for you to stay away. The child needs it real father. period. it also needs its mother. your are an extra that can either help, or hurt. but not fix anything. if your wife wants you to be a father, that is her choice, and if she doen't that is her choice. and you have to deal with it. this is too long an answer, but in short, tell her you want to be a father, and the rest is up to her, if you push to hard, it will make things worst then if your not even there.
2007-02-09 19:07:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your wife is having a hard time combining her old life, and the new. seek counseling before this can get out of control. or you may be the parent on the back burner in terms of opinion.
2007-02-09 19:03:32 · answer #6 · answered by rclorom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋