My husband hasn't touched me, voluntarily for over a month.?

Question

I'm not sure what's going on with him.. but he hasn't wanted any for a whole month. I have initiated it three times and he has 'finished' in like five minutes all three times. Other than that he only kisses me before work and that's it. He's not really acting any different otherwise, he's just not interested in bed. Now, he did start third shift recently and I don't really bother him through the week, but on friday and saturday nights he is wide awake and not tired and he still doesn't want to do anything- after the baby is asleep. I'm so stressed out about this, and when I mention to him that sex is an important part of a marriage (esp at 24) he says "you watch too damn much Oprah" and just blows me off. I'm scared our marriage is just falling apart and he's just not interested in me anymore. :( I've made us an appt with a marriage counselor for a few weeks from now, but what can I do to make the situation better right now? We used to have a great love life, and now it's just GONE.

Answer 1

You mentioned a baby. How old is your baby? This may be a case of him just getting used to seeing you as a mother. Or maybe you are really tired all the time and in sweats...I went through that when my son was born...and he hasn't gotten used to the new you yet. Those are some of the options that may be happening.
I would just try to ride it out and support him as he may just be in a funk.
Good luck to you.

Answer 2

You mentioned baby, men often times have a difficult time wanting to touch us after we just pushed out another human being from our vagina's. I think it might be normal. or at least my husband did it too. Only after the first one. The 2nd one 6 weeks and things were normal. It's good the have a counselors opinion or perspective. Have you been on a date lately just the 2 of you? This also is important in a marriage. It's important to continue to date one another after the wedding, I got that from my old counselor not Oprah but that's funny. This sounds goofy but buy an old game system with some games and once the baby is asleep play a few rounds, it could be fun. and lead to other things. I think wow 24 what a young age to be married. But then I've been married for almost 9 yrs and I'm only 27. do the math there. We got married just after I turned 19. he could be stressed about money and stuff too. ask him how work was and what he did with out seeming nosey and make it seem like you are truly interested.

Answer 3

Tell him you don't give a rat's a** what Oprah has to say about the matter. You're horny and you're looking for some affection, damm*t! He's not allowed to just cut you off from being able to express yourself to him sexually without a REAL good reason!

If it's important to you, it should be important to him. Do NOT let him blow you off like that. Get right up in his face and tell him you want to talk about this. If he keeps evading you, have your bags packed by the door and sit there waiting for him. Give him one last chance to communicate and work things out. If he thinks you're bluffing, hand him back his ring, pick up your bags and leave the house. Tell him where he can find you if he ever decides he wants to be in an adult relationship where the people in it respect one another's needs and feelings.

If you've seriously tried to make things work, yet he obstinately refuses to cooperate, don't beat yourself up over it. You've done what you could do, and trying to trap someone in a relationship they are unhappy in is only counterproductive.

You haven't given us much to go on here. You're young-ish, so I'm assuming you've been married less than 5 years or so. Even at 5 years, couples are only just starting to learn how to live together. I don't want to alarm you, but if this came on suddenly, it's possible he might be seeing someone else. Especially if he's not only avoiding sex, but displays a negative attitude around you. But don't just assume that this is what he's doing just because it's the worst case scenario. There could be many other reasons why he's pulling away from you. Talk to him and find out why.

Answer 4

hi, actually i feel not in the right shoes to answer,. but still want to share with you my personal point of view:
its one of the good hting you do that you go scheduled you both for a marriage counselling, w/c i guess would help you analize what stage of marriage are you going thru, and whats going on at this point .....
and honestly i moved with your situation and can truly relate w/ how u feel at this time, just the same my few concerns are:
1. how long have you been married
2. you mentioned that you have a baby, how old was the child, cos if you just been from child birth, there are probably so much things that your husband is considering for not making love w/ you(i.e: maybe afraid of having a second child).......have a thought on these matters,
3. how about his physical health, i am not saying that he must be "sick" but try to investigate, whats his age? health background? it can be a factor why he acted like that...

i beleive how important it is to have an active n healthy sex life, specially between husband n wife, but i guess its not the main idea of marriage, retain the flame of passion, do the old things you used to do together, say the same words you speak w/ each other,.....and enhance more your ways of communication, do not focus on one subject alone but try to see the entire marriage relationship in is broad perspective,...........and alwsy speak yourself with and in love, for your husband. every problem can be arrange and solve if, the matters can be discussed properly.

i guess what you can do for the meantime is to stay as loving and understanding wife to him, and assure him alwsy of your love no matter what happens. i guess that love wsnt GONE at all, its only a product of your mind, but the fact that you are so much worried and seek help to make things the same as before , is a fact that LOVE still remains, doesnt matter whom taking effort to rekindle the flame, whats more important is that you never wanted to put off the flame ok,i believe you're not the only couple who underwent such situation, seek help and advises from close freinds, relatives, parents of both of you, ok?
i guess that all i can say, and wish to lighten your burden a bit.
God bless your family! ......:)

Answer 5

I am sorry. My wife did the same thing to me after our son was born. I went 7 years w/o, until she served me with divorce papers. She said she just did not like the idea of it anymore. Now she is out on the scene and is living it up. Tells me about too much stuff. I have been without for 8 1/2 years. I loved her so I put up with it. I still love her, so I listen to her even now. It hurts me so bad. See the counselor and get to the bottom of it fast.

Answer 6

It bothers me that he won't validate your feelings and says to stop watching so much Oprah. Obviously, there's a problem there, and it's your job to find out what it is. If he continues to deny you the physical affection necessary in your marriage, and if he refuses to discuss this problem, you will need to consider building a social life outside of the marriage. Men do it all the time.

Answer 7

You can't expect the guy to have exactly the same sex-drive as you have all the time. People are individuals. And differences between them, including differences in sex-drive, are normal. And of course, the strength of one's sex-drive can change over time.

Sometimes it's the guy who wants more sex than the lady. And sometimes it's the lady who wants more sex. And to find a mutually satisfying compromise in this kind of mismatch is not that difficult.

All you have to do is accept the fact that he simply doesn't have as much sexual desire as you have and accomodate this difference when you have sex with him. Have sex with him in way that satisfies you but doesn't let him finish and orgasm. Get on top of him and have your way with him, while taking care not to make him spill his c u m. After a few times like that, he will be climbing the walls and trying to get you to go to bed with him.

When a man has sex with a lady without orgasming and spilling his c u m, then his aroused sexual desire doesn't go away but increases over time.

Answer 8

I have been giving answers for people who are having problems in their marriage, I am tired of typing right now. So, it could be many things to why he isn't in the mood for sex. You need to just ask him, but be polite about it. It could be that with the shift change, it has messed up his schedule with himself. Just ask him what the problem is, but help him fix it.

I would recommend on getting these two books, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage".

If you have any questions, feel free to email me.

Answer 9

See a marriage counselor asap. He's obviously having issues that go deeper than sex. It's not your fault, but you can help by seeking help now. Good luck.

Answer 10

maybe he just needs to get adjusted to third shift? try surprising him on the weekends wearing a sexy little number, if that doesn't start his motor, somethings wrong. Don't put too much pressure on him or you will push him away. Buy yourself a play toy ? Hopefully he will come around.