I wrote this poem for my enlgish class but someone told me it was too sad do you agree?

Question

I am in a world that is no longer turning,
I’m that girl still waiting for something
I wonder when I will wake, from this endless dreaming
I hear a voice telling me to wake up
I see myself waiting for something,
Things just can’t be achieved until I stop sleeping
I want to open my eyes to the world that will start turning
I am in a world that is no longer turning,
I’m that girl who is still waiting for something

I pretend that I am happy with who I am,
Even if I feel suffocated and I’m drowning.
I’ll touch sky once I spread out my wings
I worry about where I can find those lost wings,
Out of my sight, forced out of my mind.
I cry because I’m drowning in people’s doubt
Created by my own self doubt.
I am in a world that is no longer turning
I’m that girl who is still waiting for something

I understand that I am not perfect,
But no one gives me the chance to even try to be perfect.
I say that I don’t care when I can’t let it go
I dreamed for too long it’s time to make this real
I will try to fly even without my lost wings
I hope, no I WILL succeed because it is no longer a dream
I will make it happen
Give me a chance,
So I can be who I need to be.
I am in a world no longer turning
I’m that girl who is still waiting for something.

I kind of had to the added details thing because it didn't fit for some haywired reason

Is it really long and to sad??

oops I meant too sad

but still this isn' really how I feel but it feelt really good when I wrote it though

oops I meant too sad

but still this isn' really how I feel but it felt really good when I wrote it though

LITHIUM

The poem is called I AM
the format can be found on the web
This poem isn't really written in my point of view its more or less a person who is about to commit suicide but realizes her life has to go on

Answer 1

No. It is not too sad, or too long.

You are not finished with it, though.
I would love to read it when it is done.

Answer 2

I thought it was great! I love the repetition of the lines 'I am in a world...I'm that girl...' You know. Sure, it is sad, but that's the emotion of the poem, and I think all poems need emotion. If you change anything, just go over it again and do some revising.

Answer 3

Although it is a bit long that doesn't matter I think it's a nice poem. Sure it's kinda sad but people should be able to express themselves I write sad poems and sometimes I'm feeling happy when i write them...wierd huh! Like I once wrote a poem called same again:

I gave you my heart,
I gave you my soul,
Why'd I give you my love,
Since you just let it go?
Why trust you again?
Because in the end,
Nothing will ever be,
The same again.

Answer 4

There is no set length for a poem - a real poem is whatever it is.

Does it say what you want it to say?
the only possible question to ask

can you say it better? Would tightening up the language help convey your message better? Remember, a poem does two things - it comes out of you, puts your feeling on paper. That's your part.

But there is also the dimension of communication - if you understand it and no one else does, then it has failed. Does your poem do that? Could it do it better?

But if what you want to convey is sadness - then let it be sad. If it takes that many words or that many lines to say what you need to say - then that's how long it is.

Answer 5

I found the writing to be touching and poetic- one in which many people will relate or recognize themselves. Not too long- and certainly not sad- just insightful in an unhappy society. Keep up the good work!

Answer 6

Personally, i thought it was uplifting, because you are striving for something more. It is YOUR poem, and if you have a descent English teacher, they will also get the message. Don't worry about others judgments, its what you think of your poem that really matters. It really sounds like a song to me.

Answer 7

Oh, that is a wonderful poem. I write poetry like crazy, and this is one of the best poems I've ever read. Don't listen to your friends. poetry can be what it wants to be, and people can see it different ways.

Answer 8

i think of this is a alluring poem. besides the indisputable fact that, i'm disgusted on the Muslims who felt they mandatory to point why it reported some thing a pair of Church truly of a Masjid. Geez this is unlike existence exterior of Islam would not exist.

Answer 9

I dont think that its too sad.

If it was sadness and hopelessness you were trying to show, dont worry about it. It comes in plentiful in the poem. I'm going to say that I enjoyed the poem and relate to it.

Answer 10

did your english teacher ever teach you that the illiad and the odyssey were poem's turned into novels. anyway the point is it isn't long and when you felt better after writing it you were obviously holding something in. any way why is this in comics and animation?

Answer 11

Yes it is sad but not too sad I mean it made me want to cry but good poetry does that to you it helps you get in touch with your emotions KUDOS!!! Great job!