When I was with my ex he was a c**t to put it politely&was cheating on me with his ex through most of our3year relationship(I found out towards the end)he threaten me all the time pushed me around(literally)because of this I became very close to his best friend who I though was very caring,kind&everything my ex wasn't.we ended becoming good friends&having an affair.I broke up with my ex&him.His friend ended up going to prison for rape he denied it&i believed him.But a part of me always had a small doubt over his innocence as I knew first hand how forceful he could be when it came to sex.For a while kept in contact with him,wrote all the time for just over a year until we started to fall out as I felt he was taking advantage of my vulnerability&kindness.I havent spoken to him now in over2year.My now fiancée knows what went on in my past.I received a letter from this guy the other day saying his being released.My fiancée wants me to write to him to say stay away&say I think his sick&I despise him.although I dont want to see him again Im not a mean person&hate hurting people feelings.my fiancée wants to read me letter when I send it!
2007-02-09 17:16:25 · 16 answers · asked by Jennifer 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The ex coming out of prison already knows i am happy and engaged as he has kept in contact with his best friend my ex boyfriend who unfortuantly untill about a year or two ago i was in contact with in away as we had to go to court as he kept harrsing me! This guy also mentioned in letter that he knows i am engaged. As he doesn't know where i live i feel its best to just ignor the letter. But my fiancee wants me to respond to it, i know his concerns are warrented as he thinks if the guys anything like his friend and has served time for rape his bad news and doesn't want him near me.
2007-02-09 17:51:10 · update #1
I believe you need to do what your fiance wants.
2007-02-09 17:20:40 · answer #1 · answered by tooyoung2bagrannybabe 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh wow..... Ok first off let me say that Im sorry you are in such a tough situation.....
I can see where your fiance is coming from and I can understand him wanting someone who was such a... powerful force in your past to stay away. And I think he wants him to stay away because of what he was accussed of. But I dont think he should be able to read your letter. Thats showing a low level of trust.
ALSO, you said you stopped talking to him because he was taking advantage of you... Well someone contacting you after two years of nothing to tell you hes getting out is probally planning on taking advantage of you again... I mean if he really had your best interest at heart he would have tried to contact you over the past two years....
If your happy now..... Id write him a letter and say something along these lines..
Name,
I was shocked to revieve your letter after two years of no contact and it's only fair for you to know that I have met someone and I am engaged to be married.
I'm sorry to say this but there can be nothing between us. Your precence will remind of where i was in my life at the time I knew you and not where I am now. And I can't let anyone distract me from where I am right now.
Good luck with everything
your name
2007-02-09 17:25:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
priorities, it's all abour priorities. who do you prioritize, an old "friend" or your fiance? if you don't wanna be mean, either ignore that man's letters or tell him you have a fiance who wouldn't appreciate you associating with him. logic would dictate your fiance matters more because he's the man you're trying to build a future with.... you should care more about his feelings than anyone else.
2007-02-09 17:48:39 · answer #3 · answered by graciedai 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see a whole lot of trouble heading your way, I think your ex still thinks he is in control of you, you say you don't like to hurt people, wise up girl, or you and your fiancee will get hurt, your best bet is to move to another part of town,quick.
2007-02-09 17:47:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You come across as a victim, so that's how men are treating you. We all need to be kind, forgiving and compasionate but not if it puts us at risk. Leave this man alone, he could end up stalking you and ruining what seems to be a good relationship with your fiancee.
2007-02-09 21:12:51 · answer #5 · answered by susan h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you real, you know what your ex was like, he was so cleaver that he is still manipulating you now. What is it with women like you, it's not a case of being mean, he played on your feelings and he is still doing it. Throw the letter in the bin and move. Good luck.
2007-02-09 18:52:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait let me see if i got this, you do not want to hurt the feelings of someone that was forcefully to you sexually? How interested in your feelings was he at the time he was trying to get sex from you?
A guy in prison who has a history of using you and taking advantage of you is only writing to you so he can either get money or sex from you when he gets out.
Saying no is not being mean. Saying no in this case is protecting yourself. You can just say that--- you are not interested and have moved on with your life. Good luck getting out but do not contact me again.
Note that I did not use the word please at all. be firm but not insulting.m Then never write him again.
People that used you in the past never use you less. They use you more.
2007-02-09 17:41:41 · answer #7 · answered by DDLynn l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like you have a long history of abusive men in your life. are you sure that the one you currently are having a relationship with is not the same? what is the problem? does your fiance not respect your judgement on how to handle the situation? of course, given your track record, i guess i can understand why. but- i can see no reason why you should write a letter and have him proof-read it. thats silly and shows insecurity.i agree with you on the letter issue. so- if you dont think it is a good idea, then just dont do it. and dont let anyone bully you into doing it. stand up fpr yourself and quit taking abuse from men
2007-02-09 20:04:31 · answer #8 · answered by DEBI M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the matter with you, you silly girl. You at last seems to have found yourself a decent fella and your considering dragging your past relationships into the one you have now.
Do you want to end up back with either of those c.... as you put it. I hope the answer is no after what you have said.
Have nothing to do with either and get on with the relationship you have now. From what you have said you had nothing but agro with the others anyway.
Be thankful that you have found a decent understanding fella now and hang on to him,their few and far between believe me.
2007-02-09 18:04:45 · answer #9 · answered by animalwatch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what YOU want to do, don't let a man control every aspect of your life. xx
2007-02-09 23:14:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have no contact with your past relationships. Your ex thats coming out of prison hasnt spoken to you for over 2 years. But i would reply to his letter...letting him know that you are getting married and that you are in love with your fiancee. And that if he comes near you....you will simply call the police. Good luck and take care
2007-02-09 17:28:52 · answer #11 · answered by zoe32forever 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋