I am 21yrs old and i married a man that has children from a previous marriage?

Question

I married a man that has kids from a previous marriage but thats not the thing that bothers me i love the girls like they where my own. it just feels like my family dose not feel the same way. i talk about them like i had them like they are mine what should i do about this feeling

Answer 1

I think you should go ahead and keep on loving them...

Children are innocent...and they have nothing to do with the preconceived ideas that people want to make over them...

It is your marriage...and since your husband wants you to be a part of their life, then I think that you should...and do a good job at it also...because you are going to show them a lot by your actions...(the kids and your family)....by being consistent in your lifestyle....and your love for those kids....

Answer 2

Unfortunately, you are always going to be a little bit of a stranger in the family no matter how much you try to be one of them. The kids will always know that you are not their real mother. And so will their father.

And this means that all your love and all your care they will accept and enjoy. But when things go wrong (as they occasionally do in any family), then they will look on you with suspicion that you don't mean well in your behavior towards them.

When everything goes right and you have no conflicts or serious disagreements with other family members, then you will be a loving mother in their eyes and your own. But when things go wrong, then it won't take long for them to start looking at you as an uncaring step-mother.

And there is not much you can do about it. That's how it normally is in mixed families.

Answer 3

Your mother-in-law is using the information she has about your past to scare you into staying with her son! What she is doing is awful and you should not listen to her! (But you can always reply to her, in the same irrational line of argument, that a lot of children are molested by their fathers too! Does it mean all men are molesters? No! Just that you have to find the right one!) If your children are your first concern, the first thing you have to do is get them out of a bad marriage! Believe me, children can be very traumatised if they are forced to grow up in a dysfunctional family! (Not to mention the damage to yourself - but you can see very clearly that unhappy mothers and fathers cannot raise happy children!) Also, if your children are your first concern, you will not hurry to allow into your life any men who you don't know EXTREMELY well and after being satisfied that they are good in character and emotionally well balanced people. Until you find such a man, your children are better off in a single-parent family. (Hoping your education and a divorce with the help of a good lawyer will allow you to provide for them). Yes, it is worth trying to resolve the issues with your husband through counselling. No, you should not allow yourself to get scared by your MIL. But chose whatever you chose for the right reasons: stay only if you have tried and resolved the issues, and leave only if you have made every effort and you are still unhappy. Don't run without an effort, and don't stay out of fear! Wish you all the best...

Answer 4

Well there are certain things you need to understand. Some families they don't really like their family members to marry divorcees especially the older generation. But you can't blame them as we are in an Asian society and some of our familes members may not be able to accept this fact.
So I suggest that you ought to give them some time to accept the kids. Allow them to have chance to communicate with the kids so that the relationship can improve

Answer 5

Well there's not much you can do to make your family or anyone else for that matter feel close or the same way you feel about your new additions.
Once your family realizes how close you are and how much love you give them they will come around.

It's important to have the family over at birthdays and holidays so that they can see you in action and how much they mean to you.

Even if they are not biological, they will eventually start exercising their grand-parenting

Answer 6

Nothing. The more love kids get the better - you can't expect your family to love these kids but give it time and they might surprise you. It's hard to automatically love someone else's kids but the more they are around your adult family the more they will be seen as kids of the family.

Answer 7

It will take time for your family to warm up to them. They may also be afraid to get too close to them in case the marriage does not work out because 2nd marriages with children often don't. Don't try and push it. Just give them time to become used to them and nature should take it's course. If not, screw them. You don't need them in that case.

Answer 8

Tell your family you married this man knowing he had children and you and him and the kids are a package deal. Accept all of you or none of you.

Answer 9

hey you knew if before you married .. so its your fault live with it and concentrate on your marriage or divorce its cut and dried . .most people dont think about the outcome .. its really not good sometimes you marry the whole family besides i think marriage should be banned to easy to do and so hard to get out of ..

Answer 10

Nothing...you have accepted the role of a caring loving parent that they need. But dont forget to add to the population problem before your time runs out. Give them a sibling too. :)