my bf and Ihave been dating about 3 yrs...lived together after dating only a month...things moved fast, but in a good way. I want to be married to this man, but he beats around the bush a little. He has been married before, so I understand he is a little cautios, we have been together longer than he was with his wife, how long do I wait...it may have only been 3 years, but when you live with someone you get to know them so much faster....and Im ready. Is it crazy to give an ultimatum?
2007-02-09 16:25:19 · 22 answers · asked by want2bmarried 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why do you not propose to him? it is 2007 after all.
2007-02-09 16:28:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
this is a good question, a lot of guys are happy when theyre girlfriends live with them because its like you are married but without the commitment of marriage, however this can be dangerous. He may be cautious but shouldnt string you along either if hes thinking to wait a few more years and you are ready now. All you can really do is talk to him about and tell him that you think you two are ready, you already live together, etc
2007-02-10 00:29:38 · answer #2 · answered by Sarah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not crazy..but if you give him an ultimatum then you're in for a bad surprise. If he hasn't asked by now, he's probably not going to. He seems to have some issues with marriage. (since he wasn't married very long the first time and now you've been together for this long and nothing has happened...)
I'd cut my losses and just go...
(and btw..the word is cautious)
2007-02-10 00:31:06 · answer #3 · answered by Chrys 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It took 6 YEARS for my husband to finally accept my proposal.
He was worth the wait, and what finally got him to the alter was, "well, when AM I going to get married?" He just got to the point in his life where he realized he had a good thing, and it was time to sh!te or get off the pot.
Depends on you and him.
Do a pro and con list to waiting. See where you stand. Ultimately, only You can answer this question.
2007-02-10 00:30:38 · answer #4 · answered by Gypsy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i do think its crazy to give him an ultimatum if you love him you will wait and he might be taking his time because he has been married before and doesn't want this relationship to end up like that. i think if you really want to marry him then you ask him the is nothing stopping you from proposing.
2007-02-10 00:31:23 · answer #5 · answered by rk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going to sound old fashioned and conservative, but believe me, this is good advice. He doesn't want to be married!! If you talk him into it ( and i'm sure you probably can) you will be sorry later. He might marry you, but he will always resent you. I'm not trying to be mean. Just honest. I wish more women would realize this. Besides, don't you deserve someone who is crazy about you and doesn't have to be presured into marrying you? Let him go, you will both be happier in the long run.
2007-02-10 00:52:36 · answer #6 · answered by Athena 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So you are 'shacking up' that is. I don't think he is committed to even get married. I think he is just using you for the sex part. I may be wrong, but otherwise he would have asked you to marry him....but he is not ready for marriage, that is why he is keeping you there for other reasons. If he is not ready, then don't pressure him. Or just move on. There is no use in living with someone who is not willing to make that commitment to get married. You should have not moved in with him until you two got married. But, that is my opinion.
Good luck!
2007-02-10 00:36:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should be able to have an adult discussion about this. If you find out why he is resisting you can do things to lessen his fears. If you explain why it is so important to you, if he loves you will try try to accommodate you. Once you are married you will need to work on much harder problms such as finances and child rearing, this is a great chance to see how you work at solving problems as a couple before you marry.
2007-02-10 00:44:42 · answer #8 · answered by Chris C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should propose to him! That would be sweet.
Or if you really want to stay off that option, start dropping hints. Go shopping, bring him along and stare longingly at every wedding dress and ring display you happen to see. Hum the wedding march on a regular basis. Casually talk about all your other married friends.
Good luck!! xxx
2007-02-10 03:43:01 · answer #9 · answered by Hannah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No longer than 1 year. Why should he marry you when he has all of the benefits and none of the responsibilities? Move out.
2007-02-10 00:30:03 · answer #10 · answered by notyou311 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had been married before so I know how your guy feels, it is the old "why ruin a good relationship thing", but after ten years I finally gave in.
2007-02-10 02:00:46 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋