I dated my wife for 4 years before me got married. There were things that I knew could be issues, that might bother me down the road, but i'm a passive person, I just didn't say anything. Then we finally hit a crossroads, and I had to let her go or propose... i felt like I was making the right decision by proposing. A mistake, yes. So what do I do now? It's time to have kids... will they help?? Don't get me wrong, my wife and I are best friends,, there are attraction issues. She's still a pretty girl, just with a couple very distrubaing flaws to me... things that I thought I could deal with, and am now saying there's just no way. I do love her... the problem is really at it's worst when we're around other people... I feel that they're judging me by her looks... do people do that? or is that something thats all in my head? If I can make this work and get over my hangups, great. my question to you is, would you divorce early, (2 yr marraige) or try having kids.
2007-02-09 16:17:30 · 25 answers · asked by imlowiknow 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, don't bring kids into this if you're having issues with your marriage. Who cares about her looks! Do you love her for who she is inside? Work on your marriage, don't throw in the towel like so many couples. Why would you even consider divorce as an option? Did she let herself go or something? If you expected her looks to change for the better, or expected her to suddenly get hotter after marriage, then you did this to yourself. What attracted you to her in the first place?
2007-02-09 16:22:12 · answer #1 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In MY experience... the only thing that would motivate a man who is, a) divorced from one woman, and b) engaged to another woman, to give THAT much money (if ANY) to an ex is that he's still involved with her. (sex is a powerful motivator) Do they have children? If so, is he already paying child support? That's all his obligation should be. I don't find his actions admirable at all, I think he's being a weiner. You say he's a wonderful man... he's NO man, honey... NOT if this is how he's treating you! How long ago did they get divorced? Even if it's real recent, if it's not court ordered and/or his name is NOT on the deed of the house, then she should be getting herself out of her own jams, PERIOD... she is not HIS resposibility anymore... his responsibilities lie with YOU and your future together, and NOT with his past. How long have you two been together?? I'd be curious to know that as well. Maybe you are jumping into marriage too quickly. I'd rethink this whole thing if I were you... Sorry, this is a bummer situation, to the max... EDIT: Well, my answer still stands. If he made his financial obligation where the child is concerned, then that's all it should be. If she spent the money on a home that she can't afford, that's HER problem, not HIS. I personally would not put up with this *sshole.... dump him NOW. If she lives in a different state, then more than likely he's not having an affair, but he still wants his cake and to eat it too... he likes the idea that she's endebted to him. If he wants to be her savior, then let him... kick him to the curb. Did he leave her, or did she leave him?? If she left him, maybe he still has feelings for her and thinks that she'll eventually say "oh yes, you're so wonderful, how could I have been so foolish? come back to me, please!" and then where will YOU be, dear?? Think about that one, please... 2ND EDIT: In response to Nikki's answer... if he is only doing it to make sure his child has a roof over his head, then yes, that is important. I agree. However, things can be done about that... if she can't afford to raise the child, he could get custody of him/her. I also agree that maybe talking to him about talking to his ex about selling the house and getting something she can afford would be a wise thing to do. Either way, his way of doing things is not right by you, his future. I understand wanting to make sure his kid is taken care of, but this is ridiculous!!! Talk to him and don't wait!!!
2016-05-24 20:42:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its normal--ive been married almost two years and was thinking of divorce also..but divorcing someone just because your not physically attracted is not a good idea...its shabby and shallow, ask yourself what you can do to make her look better..if shes gotton fat try to get her to do more active stuff with you..maybe shes fat because shes taking birth control-FOR YOU.
I have news for you...everyone has flaws..so no, you may have some issues with her but your gonna have issues with anyone else your with only next time around you'll already know that your a quitter because the lust part doesnt last that long..
everyone makes marriage seem like its easy but its not, but if you stick it out and work on things you'll be happier than giving up on a promise you made.
2007-02-09 16:32:15 · answer #3 · answered by Frank 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not have kids. when you came to a crossroads where you had to either let her go or propose, you proposed and got married, even though you werent really ready or into it.... now, when your at another crossroads, its either letting her go or having kids. Dont try to save your marraige by having kids because then its not only you and her that get hurt, but its also your children (people you are suppose to be protecting and thanksful for - not people who you decide to have to save a marraige) getting hurt.
And.. people do not judge you because of your wifes looks. More than likely, your wife is very confident and satisfied with her looks and is thinking nothing of it.... and i think its kinda sad that you are thinking of ending a relationship and marraige based on how your wife looks.. It sound kinda superficial and shallow. Have you ever seen past her looks? How is her heart? How does she treat you? Is she affectionate? If her looks were better, would you stay with her? Does she share her life with you? Would she do anything for you? Do you have things in common that you both enjoy? Do you have fun with her? Can you picture yourself sharing your life with anybody else?
It sounds that while you are worried about other people judging you because of her looks, you are judging herself based on her looks and hows her looks are negatively impacting your social life... Not a very good husband in my opinion... Think to yourself - do you like feeling judged by others? If not, then why are you judging her? Shes your wife. Think about your vows...
Nobody stays beautiful forever. Looks fade. Its whats on the inside that counts.
2007-02-09 16:28:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
People judge you for what you got. If you feel bad beeing seen with her then why did you last that long? You should focus more on her positive side . Evaluate the romance and ask yourself if you still love her no matter what. I don't think having kids would make it better. Unless you fix your relationhip with her it would be best not to have kids yet. Maybe you just bored and feel that having kids will be a new phase in your life. Are you?be honest with your partner .
2007-02-09 16:32:20 · answer #5 · answered by bittersweetlove21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't have kids, bringing kids into a marriage that has problems never helps just adds to the trouble. u married her conditionally and to u she has some issues with her looks, your a shallow man, who cares more what people think of u. i think u need to get a divorce and let this poor women find true love, where someone is not basing his love on someones physical appearance. all that's happened is the honeymoon stage is over with, it always ends, and u don't seem to be able to move on to the next step in the relationship. u truly don't love this woman.
2007-02-09 23:27:05 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don;t bring kids in to this mix. Because kids don't fix a relationship...they really compound things. And if you need to break the relationship the kids would keep you there and that is wrong. Innocent kids
Please figure out how to deal with your issues before you have kids. Get some counseling.
This isn't fair to your wife for you to be so unsure about the relationship. You guys need to either be fully committed or end it soon.
2007-02-09 16:45:26 · answer #7 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your marriage is not rock solid, do not have children. It is hard enough to raise children in a stable environment. No, children will not make it better, many people make this mistake when things get sideways in the marriage. If you have children and then see that it cannot work, then you will either resent them for keeping you where you do not want to be, or you will tear them apart if you decide to split up. Both will bring emotional upheaval for everyone involved. If you do not want to stay with her, tell her, cut your losses and move on. It is the only fair thing to do for either one of you. My ex and I stayed together for over 6 years. But we split and moved on, both of us found someone else and had families. Now everyone is happy. Good Luck
2007-02-09 16:34:54 · answer #8 · answered by vstar_silverado 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having kids? That would be the WORST thing you could do at this point! You don't have kids to make your marriage better! What are you smoking over there?! It sounds like your marriage is over. End it and DON'T involve innocent children. That will only make things worse at this point. Admit you may have made a mistake and get on with your life and let her get on with hers.
2007-02-09 16:23:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're too immature to have children.
Work things out with your wife, or don't and get divorced. Get some counseling to see what's wrong with YOU.
Then, assuming you stay together, everything is solid, you've thrown away even a little bit of your vanity and matured a whole lot, THEN think about kids.
2007-02-09 16:31:12 · answer #10 · answered by oh kate! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋