Ever feel so foolish & stupid?

Question

Ever look back and see signs in a relationship that are so clear now? I know "hind-sight is 20/20." I just don't understand how stupid I was. Over the past year I was analyzing why my b/f was so neglectful. It is so obvious when I read my journals over the course of this year! He didn't want me for his future. He said "we are at 2 different places in our lives." I am so sick to my stomach. I KNOW BETTER than this! I though I had relationship experience! Why couldn't I see this before! Meanwhile, I tortured myself, discussed & anaylyzed with friends & cried & cried. It is such a waste. Why couldn't I see this before? What's wrong with me???? What does everything have to be so hard?

Answer 1

it happens to the best of us dont feel so bad i was married to some one who hated me for 18 yrs i could kick myself in the butt a million times for waisting my life,so just hold your head up high and move on

Answer 2

Its like they say... love is blind. Most of the time when you are in a comfortable spot you tend to overlook things, cause if untrue you may compromise your situation. I lost my wife to my best friend and looking back its easy to see the attraction that grew between both of them, but at the time I choose not to see it, what if I was wrong. You can have all the experience in the world with relationships and can NEVER be an "expert" per say. All I can say is dont look to the past the world is huge and time endless move on because why be with someone who does not want to be with you. Your special, and dont let anyone take that away from you... whew I sound like a cheesy soap opera. In any case I see relationships the same way I view life... its trial and error, and I know it is RARE for me and most people I know to get things right on the first, second, or third try. Keep your chin up and know that this was meant to happen to pave the way to the person your REALLY spose to be with!

Take Care,
~TML~

Answer 3

Life's lessons are hard to swallow. You are not stupid, just human with a great deal of compassion which is so lacking today in this cut-throat, I'm hipper than you world.
I look back at my first true love who I crapped on, cheated on, took for granted...and she kept letting me come back. The day she said she had enough with me I was stunned?! Typical 23 year old guy. I laugh now that I stalked her and her new beau, cried to her to take me back, did some really ggofy stuff because I thought she was the one and there was never going to be anyone else. 20 years later, I can see the humor in it as well as the biting truth of how I was an idiot.
You will learn from this even though it will be hard to see it now. Courage is the ability to face and deal with that which we fear. Being alone will recharge you and make you a better person. You will realize who your true friends are. You will become stronger, smarter, more experienced because of this. I have faith in you.

Answer 4

Because it's a new person, and at first we only see the good, and what we want to see. What fits our expectations. The other thing is a 'catch and release'. Men are very interested in the chase. Not in the relationship. Men's minds don't work that way. Ours do. That's why we obsess about 'the relationship' and guys could care less once they've caught the girl.

Answer 5

It's o.k. hon. You live and you learn. The lesson to learn here is you can't fix a person. Another lesson might be that you should realize that if something feels wrong, something is wrong. Be honest with yourself, value yourself, and for goodness sake, never try to change yourself or a man to make a relationship work. You can only change yourself for your own reasons, not to fit someone else's standards, and you can't change someone else at all!! Good luck in the future.

Answer 6

Hi, we are blind because we wanted that way, then we regret it.
Something like that happen to me, i have been in a relationship for 5 or 6 years and for four years was the worst and one year a lilttle better than worst. Finally he left me, I couldn't leave him,even if I tried to, I'm glad he did,some of us are blind for short period of time some of us for longer, nothing wrong with you.
Feeling not ready for the next person in your life I think is fair, I dont want any one in my life for now , and for a long period of time, its ok, feels good be alone, or been single, spend time with family and friends, and with your self,is the best thing ever believe me.

Answer 7

sometimes when it is going on we never do see the truth, yes we do feel stupid for not seeing the obvious. but it takes alot to see something, especially if were in love with someone we sometimes just don't see it if were in a relationship with the person. maybe if we got to know the person better before committing we might have an easier time.

Answer 8

Love is blind. So blinding that sometimes we keep ourselves from seeing what is really going on. Love is a hard thing to come by and to have mutual love is even harder. We as humans need love in one form or another and sometimes blind ourselves to have it. I went through the same thing.
BTW, there is nothing wrong with you. You are perfectly normal. It happens to the best of us and you learn from it. Most things you can only learn by experience. Good luck out there.

Answer 9

I don't know your age--I am 35--god hate that--but anyhow it ia good you are keeping a journal I do too and look back and am like why? I knew better than to stay--It is life--woman always pick a guy whom we are physically attracted to and think we can change them--we cant--look for a guy (not based on the total physical attraction) who you can talk to, common interests, common goals--as girls we can always change how they dress-lol.
Nothing wrong with you --just let him go you are better off.

Answer 10

You know what...DON'T beat yourself up over it. Nothing's wrong with you. When it comes to love, it's easy to overlook the negative things that are right in front of your face. You aren't the first, and you won't be the last. Just do what you can to learn from it and move on.