ok recently i asked a question about filing for divorce...I guess I should have mentioned that it is my bf who is technically married. we have been dating for 2 1/2 yrs ...we moved in together very fast ...after 5 weeks...i love him to death...um his "wife" has moved on...has another baby with her bf ...she calims his kids are not his they are the other guys' , who happens to be an old friend of his...anyway...i guess i really want to know if i should stick around for this any longer. she claims she has filed for divorce and hasnt served him....he says he doesnt want to pay the cost for filing if she has done this already. how long would you stay around for this. Please picture...truly in love withthis perso, who truly loves you back. need help...very desperate to find an outsiders opinion....I have never been married and want to marry him.
2007-02-09 15:21:20 · 23 answers · asked by maybsingle4ever 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel the need to explain more....my bf had moved apart fromhis wife for 2 years before i even met him, so it wasnt a "cheating thing"....they hate each other so much its sad. but i just need to know how long should i wait for this "marriage" to end. i love this guy so much, we have a great relationship, set aside the marriage thing, she has claimed to file for divorce earlier this week, they have been apart going on 5 years , neither person has bothered to file inthose 5 years. they are both saying they want to go through with it, but i feel heshould just file himself , but he says he doesnt wnt to pay for it if she already has....how long do i wait for this ? do i saty in? please help...thanks
2007-02-09 15:44:37 · update #1
This guy is playing you like a fiddle! Sorry, if he really wanted to marry you he would have taken care of this a long time ago! Getting a divorce is not that expensive, you can file the papers for a couple of hundred bucks. It seems to me that he may have this fantasy of getting back with his ex wife because she has not followed through either. If he doesn't have the money to get the papers served, I would offer to pay for them so you can move on with your lives. I hate to say it but if you are having sex with him you are being treated like an unpaid whore. Good Luck and buy the book by Dr. Laura: 10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-02-09 15:29:21 · answer #1 · answered by Just Wondering 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you are doing is not living together, but 'shacking up'. Which means there is no commitment at all, but just the love and sex part that you two agree on.
Your boyfriend is actually committing adultery, he is still a married man and you are with a married man. He is not divorced from his wife yet. If your boyfriend has the same feelings towards you, then he would do what it takes to pay for the divorce. But, it doesn't seem that way, does it?
I would not stay long in this relationship with him because he is not taking your relationship very serious. First, he hasn't filed for divorce himself. Second, he hasn't asked you to marry him. Third, you don't really know him that well. Last but not least, if he loved you that much, wouldn't you think that he would have tried to divorce his wife within the 2 1/2 years you both were together??? Think about it. Why did he wait so long? The divorce would have been over with.
If I were you, move out. Wait until his divorce is final. And wait to see if his feelings are still the same, otherwise, you were just there for the sex. Think this over, don't make a huge mistake!
2007-02-09 23:34:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be patient with the guy if you both really love each other, and his wife has moved on. If nothing is happening within 3-6 months, then I'd be asking some serious questions as to why, and I would be expecting a good answer. Other than that, you need to be patient. Divorces aren't always quick, and since his wife has moved on and had children with someone else, it may be that she is not in a big hurry.
2007-02-09 23:35:02 · answer #3 · answered by Chimichanga to go please!! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Court fees in California are the same whether you're the petitioner or the respondent. This is to say that BOTH parties pay $560 EACH; there is a $28 fee for filing the papers. I'm guessing that the fee schedule is probably similar in other states.
However, since he seems to be unwilling to get the divorce going on his end, even though they both seem to have "moved on" you need to ask yourself WHY NOT. What is he holding out for? Because he doesn't want to remarry?? Think about that.
Tell him to get an attorney and to get moving on that divorce or you're out. Its as simple as that.
2007-02-09 23:40:08 · answer #4 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your boyfriend is serious then he should dole out the money for the divorce and finalize it so that he can be with you. If he does not do this and is not serious you should dump him and move on. He needs to get a lawyer and file now. he has to stop making excuses and do it. He also could ask her if she has done it already. I really do not feel tht he is the right guy for you hon. i think you would be better off without him.
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2007-02-09 23:32:12 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well this is what i say... if you truly love this man and he truly loves you back then stick with it.. all you need is love... he probably needs you now more then ever. even if he doesnt say it the fact that you are there with him, going through this with him means a lot.. so he got married to the wrong person and is having a hard time getting out of it.. at least he is trying to get out of it.. its really hard to find the right person.. i wouldnt walk out just yet.. if she is saying the kids are not his he can have the court order a P test and if those kids arent his she has adultry on her hands and that a definate no go in court.. but all that aside just wait it out.. if you guys KNOW your gonna be together then it will happen... it may take a little longer but it will happen.
2007-02-09 23:28:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
coming from a man who was in a situation like that he dosent have the money to do it If he loved you enough to get married he could hustle to get the money some way some how and as far as you go If he cant and you love him that much pay for the divorce for him It may cost some money but hey poooffffff there will go your problem out the window
2007-02-09 23:42:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't you think youshould have thought about this before you got into a relationship with this guy!. I mean you have been with him this long, and to tell the truth if you leave you will just come back.
Push the issue for him to get a divorce. If he doesn't have the money, offer to help pay for the divorce. You need to get this resolved ASAP. Good Luck!
2007-02-09 23:55:16 · answer #8 · answered by sparkling_apple 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Give yourself a break and be real with yourself. He is coming out of one relationship that had a whole lot of problems into one with you. What do you expect accept everything from nothing which is what he has to offer to everything which you have to offer. Are you ugly? some great deformity in your personality?do you have a problem with forgiveness? Do you believe in God? a relationship is 100% & 100% not 50% & 50% you have to put your all into this relationship are you ready to do that or maybe you are just desperate for love arent we all in times of war. think of yourself as one person first and everything else second!!
2007-02-09 23:35:11 · answer #9 · answered by matthew m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um, yeah it is cheating if one is still married to one another! Do you expect him to not cheat on you if he stays with you? You are very naive and immature. You should have waited until the divorced was finalized. Next time, stay away from married men even if they are separated, because they are still married!!!!!!!!
2007-02-10 00:25:07 · answer #10 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋