My daughter is having problems with her step mom?

Question

MY DAUGHTER SAYS THAT SHE DOES NOT LIKE HER STEP MOM , SHE WANTS TO STAY WITH HER DAD MORE BUT SHE FEELS LIKE HER STEP MOM DOES NOT LIKE HER I HAVE TRIED TO TALK TO MY EX-HUSBAND BUT HE IS ALWAYS ON HIS WIFES SIDE, SHE FEELS LIKE SHE IS LEFT OUT WHEN SHE GOES OVER THERE SHE IS 12 DO I HAVE TO MAKE HER GO ?

Answer 1

She doesnt have to go if she doesnt want to but Id tell her to go & then purposely get right in between them & take all the attention because I think this women may be doing this because she may be immature & doesnt want to share her time with him.Tell her to go & bump the biatch outta the way,,lol. Sorry,,am speaking from the heart really as to my true feelings.

Answer 2

If it is court ordered visitation, then yes, she must go. Also, your daughter is 12, so don't take her word as gold. How long has he been remarried? It is not uncommon for children not to like the new spouse of either parent. It pretty much guarantees to the child that Mom and Dad will not be getting back together. Even if you and your ex knew this was not going to happen, children something think it is possible.

Don't take just her word. There is a good chance she is also distancing herself from the new wife, and not wanting anything to do with her. You and your ex should sit her down and talk to her. Let her know that you are Mom, he is Dad, and new spouses are not replacing anyone. But, you also need to let her know that the new stepmom is not going anywhere. The new stepmom will be a part of her life as she is Dad's wife. I would give it time, kids usually come around.

Again though, find out what part she is playing in feeling left out when she is at the home with them. There is a very good chance she is playing a key role in having herself left out.

**Added** She is at an age where a judge will listen to her. But, a judge will not allow a child to say she doesn't want to see her Dad because he is remarried. And, a judge will not order the new spouse to have contact with a child when visitation with a parent is going on. This would be too restricting. Judges do not interfere in such matter without a reason. There would need to be more reason than "she's my new stepmom and I do not like her." The judge would tell her she doesn't have a choice and tell her to listen to her parents and make the best of it.

Also, judges don't want people coming before them with such trivial matters. It takes up their time and the counties money. He will likely tell the parents they need to work this out on their own. He/ she will also likely warn you that if the two parents can't work it out on their own, they will not be happy with how he handles it if it comes before him again.

So, for those answers stating get a lawyer and go to court need to learn how judges think, and when it is time to go to court. Issues like this usually just irritate the judge because it is taking the time of the court when parents should be able to resolve this matter on their own.

Answer 3

She is old enough to make that decision for herself. Let her. I see this in two different views. If the daughter really is experiencing this rub by the step mom. Then let her stop going there. Maybe that will open the eyes to the father. Or maybe he is so blind by his new love that he doesn't care about his daughters feelings. If that is the case she need not go there. It also could be the the daughter is being jealous of sharing her daddy. Also let her stop going over there. The reaction from the father is what you are looking for. i hope he gets mad and wants to know why she stop visiting him.

Answer 4

I'm a step mom of 2, now grown children. They were jealous of me and confused it with being left out. That is probably your daughter's situation. It takes a while for children to get used to someone besides Mom in Dad's life.

Answer 5

Yes, she should continue to go. Her Dad loves her and she'll benefit from the time she gets to spend with him.

You have to let the step-mom and your daughter work out a relationship. Encourage your daughter to be polite and respectful. She doesn't have to love the woman but she is her father's wife and deserves respect. When she is in their home, she needs to listen to her. If she feels hurt or unfaired against...she needs to talk to her dad...alone.

It's tough. I had the same situation with my kids. They didn't like their step-mom and she did sound nutty from what they told me. But she wasn't hurting them...and I told them they only had to deal with her every other weekend and to make the best of it.

You have to watch your own reaction when she comes home. She may be playing you a little...knowing that you want to protect her. You don't want to get into a "me and mom against the step-mom" routine. That also puts her dad in a bad place...having to choose.

As divorced parents you need to provide a good stable life for your child. Encourge her to try to become friends with her step-mom. The step-mom may be feeling jealous as well...when your daughter comes over maybe she feels left out.

You daughter is 12, she needs to learn to deal with the stuff life hands her and learn to make the best of things. This will make her a stronger person in the long run.

Answer 6

Tell her to give it time....See i was in her spot about 10 yrs ago...
and i hated my step mom... when my dad remarried i was so upset.... i felt the same way she did....i even tried to break them up.... it didn't work.... but now i;m glad shes in my life.... it's almost like when i know i can;t go to my mom about something or my mom doesn;t have the answer... that she does.... shes like my friend now... she doesn;t judge me or criticize me shes just there to listen... its great....
see what ur daughter doesn;t realize now,is that her dad's new girlfriend is intimidated by her and wants nothing but to get along with her and is looking for her approval ...and vise versa....
so tell her to have a talk with her one on one and put it all on the table ... and just trust that things will work out in the end....
Good luck!

Answer 7

well she is at that age where she can pretty much make up her own mine, talk to a law-er and see what they say. i am sure if you take your daughter in to the court and talk to the judge and let her tell him how she feels something might be done. is her step-mom mean to her? is there another child in the home? maybe she is just jealous or something who knows it could be anything. I'm sorry to hear this/ its hard for every child when a family splits up..i hope things get better for her..

Answer 8

There is no need to make your daughter go visit her dad if her dad is living with someone who doesn't like her. You should call him and tell him that you would like to make some other arrangements to see her, like meeting at a park, restaurant or somewhere else. If he wants to see her, he needs to make some changes first. If he already chose to be on his wife's side, then that should tell you that he doesn't care for his child....the child should come first.

This is what happens when two parents get divorced, the child gets hurt and suffers.

Answer 9

I think they all need to go to a counselor.I would tell hubby he and his new wife need to go because she is having trouble adjusting and it would be in her best interest.The wife married him and his family so she should be prepared t o do what ever it takes to help the child.If they are not then you need to go back to court and tell the judge what is going on and what measures you have taken to improve this situation and that they will not cooperate to help your daughter,Let the judge decide for her.I am sorry I hate when the kids get stuck in the middle.I remember what that is like.I Hope you all get it straightened out

Answer 10

I think it depends on the terms of custody. However if it is that bad you could seek legal help making a clause that the stepmom has no contact with the daughter. However that would be family court and there is no gareentee that it will be granted.

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