Should I have an abortion?

Question

I really need some advice...... I am 27 and I have been with my boyfriend who is 26, for a year. we live together and are basically a typical/normal happy couple. I just found out yesterday that I am 4 weeks pregnant. When I told him he just said that he was not ready to have "another kid" LET ME EXPLAIN- he was in the army and when he was 22 he got married and had a son...... his son lives 1000 miles away and comes to visit every two months for two months. when he is here i treat him like my own (i dont have any children yet however) but i treat him like he was mine. My boyfriend is a very very good father and it breaks his heart because he blames himself for this unique situation.
He does not want to have another baby right now because he says he is not ready. I am really "not sure" if I can go through with an abortion.....I am a college grad. he is an army grad with a good career in a hospital. he says the main reason for not wanting a baby right now is financial reasons. between the both of us we make about 75,000 yearly. I am pro-choice and I have always felt strongly about being married before you have children...........however we have talked about marriage before this and we love each other very much why cant we have this baby......

I have never been pregnant before, i made the appointment today for the abortion one week from today...... I dont know what to do?????

Answer 1

It's a person in there . . . a wee little person. Please think carefully how you will feel in the years to come. Check on-line for some blogs by women about having abortions. Check this site:

http://www.aboutabortions.com/

I am pro-choice but also pro-life. I would say *always* choose life. Who knows what will happen to your body if you have an abortion. Perhaps some damage will happen and you'll never be able to have another child. Will you become depressed? Will you need therapy, medication, etc. to get over the guilt? Some people do not see abortion as murder but what else could it be called? If you don't intervene then you are the one choosing to end this child's life.

It doesn't sound like a religious dilemma . . . if you have a church then talk to your spiritual leader - if you can. Can you talk with your mom? A sister? A best friend who is married or has children? You need someone who can listen to your fears - and that's not your boyfriend. If this breaks you up then he wasn't the one for you. If he really DOES love you then he will want to let you do what you want to do . . . don't let his wants get in the way of yours. Babies are not to be disposed of because they come along at an inconvenient time. I don't mean to sound preachy but I'm trying to save a life here.

There are many alternatives to abortion. One: have the child, love it, nurture it. Two: give the child up for adoption. Three: be a single mom if your boyfriend doesn't want it. Four: get married and be a loving family.

You say he is a good father - but it seems he's got some hang-ups. Perhaps the two of you could get some counseling before jumping into this huge decision? You sound as if you don't want to have the abortion so don't. At least not until you are 100% sure that YOU don't want the child. The financial reason is a cop-out . . $75,000/year is more than adequate income to support a child.

Sleep on this for a while . . . don't do it next week . . . talk to people . . . pray about it if you are a praying person. Find a good counselor to speak with - check with your doctor for a referral.

Good luck . . . I hope you will be a mommy in a few months. There's nothing like it.

Answer 2

I don't know where you live but our family income is not that much and never has been and I have a daughter that is 23 in April and we made it financially. We have built two homes, have new cars, and our daughter is a senior in college, and yes we have had our ups and downs but we survive. Nobody can tell you what to do, this is a situation that you must decide what you want. Don't let you boyfriend sway your decision. This is your body and you will have to live with this decision every day of your life. I to am pro choice, but I feel to opt for an abortion there has to be more reason than we are not financially ready. I will say that a baby makes a drastic change in your life, but when you see that little baby, so tiny and precious it makes it all whorth while. From your words in your question if seems to me that you want to have the baby, but you are letting your boyfriend cloud your decision. If you love each other and are committed to one and other I don't understand why you don't get married (which is not necessary just because you are pregnant). I also think that you are afraid to disagree with your boyfriend because you think that if you go through with the preganancy he will leave. If you felt right about your decision to have an abortion you would not be asking people for suggestions and answers. Tell your boyfriend that you have decided to have the baby and see what his reaction is. If he reacts in a calm manner and accepts your decision than he might be a keeper. If he throws a fit and tells you its either the baby or him, you are better off without him. But like I said before nobody can tell YOU what to do. Talk to your boyfriend again. Tell him you don't think you can go through with an abortion and try to find out the REAL reason he does not want a baby with you. Maybe he will be supportive, I hope for your sake he is because I really think you want this baby. One more thing is anybody ever really ready to have a baby??? Good luck

Answer 3

I'm going to be blunt here, but it is out of genuine concern for both you and your baby. Whether your boyfriend is "ready" for another child or not, he has one. If he was a good father, he would not be asking you to kill his own son or daughter.

It is not your baby's fault that you are not yet married, or that your boyfriend feels he is not financially ready. (And, frankly, $75,000 a year is a very ample amount with which to raise a child. Hundreds of thousands of people in this country raise several children on much less.) Your baby did not ask to be created and she does not deserve to die. Her heart started beating three weeks after conception.

You CAN have this baby, and I think you know it. No man is worth the life of your child. Your boyfriend may come around and support you and he may not, but either way, you will find out what kind of a man he really is. You can't control his attitude about this. You can only control your actions. You have a responsibility to protect the baby inside you and protect yourself from the lifelong consequences of abortion. Your baby is a gift. There will never, ever be another baby like the one you are carrying in your womb right now. Don't let anyone hurt her. Please take a look at this information before you do something you regret:

Abortion Risks and Deaths:
http://afterabortion.info/complic.html
http://www.abortionfacts.com/reardon/effect_of_abortion.asp
http://www.lifedynamics.com/Pro-life_Group/Pro-choice_Women
http://www.afterabortion.info/news/abortiondeaths.html
http://www.lifeissues.org/ru486/deaths.htm

Free, Confidential Pregnancy Help (including referrals for financial, medical, legal, and housing assistance; free pregnancy tests and ultrasounds; free maternity and baby supplies; pregnancy, parenting, and adoption information; counseling and emotional support):
http://www.optionline.org/advantage.asp
http://www.heartbeatinternational.org/worldwide_directory.asp

Support for Pregnant College and Career Women:
http://www.nurturingnetwork.org

Photos and Video of Abortions, Including 1st Trimester Abortions:
http://www.abort73.com/HTML/I-A-4-video.html
http://www.cbrinfo.org/Resources/pictures.html

Information on All Aspects of Abortion:
http://Abort73.com

Photos and Facts About Prenatal Development:
http://www.justthefacts.org/clar.asp
http://www.abort73.com/HTML/I-A-2-prenatal.html

Abortion Stories:
http://abortiontv.com/Words/truestoriesfrom-mothers.htm
http://www.abort73.com/HTML/I-G-2-testimony.html

Please, protect yourself and your baby and cancel that appointment.

Answer 4

It's not my decision. It's not the radical "pro-choicers" decision. It's not the radical "pro-lifer's" decision. It's YOUR decision.

You mentioned that you aren't "too sure." What does that mean? What are your fears in having a child? Can you afford a child? Can you emotionally support a child? Are you afraid of raising a child on your own? What is it that you worry about? Would you have the child if you boyfriend was "all for it?"

These are things to factor in YOUR opinion. If the only reason holding you back from having this child is your boyfriend, I'd talk to him about it. Do you love this man? If so, I'd try to see what may come. How serious is your relationship? You could always live together to try and raise the child to see how it goes. While he is in the Army it needs to go through his head that the situation with his child is NOT his fault.

Unfortunately, these things happen--birth control or not. I know it's hard to have these serious conversations but first figure out what YOU want in for YOUR life. Is raising a child in your cards?

It's up to you. It's not anyone's decision but your own. Do NOT have an abortion because he said so or someone on Y!A said so. You never know what could happen.

Which is worse;

Raising a child as a single parent OR living with guilt? If you don't feel guilt then abortion could be for you. If you couldn't raise a child alone abortion could be for you. If you couldn't do either--consider keeping the child.

This situation isn't to be determined easily. Make sure you think it through. Which ever you decide, best of luck!

Answer 5

Some people have written "You can always get pregnant again when you two are ready"...but you can never get pregnant again with THIS baby.

You two did make a decision to live together and have sex ...with that choice comes the knowing that you might get pregnant and the responsibility of a child.

A child is not something that should only when convenient -- a baby is a person -- not an inconvenience. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty - just to help you think about the whole situation since you asked.

I have a daughter that came as a surprise and let me tell you I can't imagine not having her. She is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I can't imagine anyone being unhappy that they had a baby -- this baby is YOUR child, you made him /her. This baby could grow up knowing he /she is loved and valued and you could grow old parenting the greatest joy one could imagine.

Please keep the baby... I hope you do.

Answer 6

Its a very hard and big decision. please take time to think about this, u need more then just a week. You can have an abortion up until 12wks so u have a bit of time to think. If you go next week as its very soon after you've found out, later down the track you might regret it. What ever you do remember its your body and your child (yes its ur partners 2) but if u were to keep the baby and anything happens between u 2, ur the one that will be the primary care giver to the child.
If your partners main reason for not having this child is because really finance sit down and work out if you can really afford it with the rest of your expenses. Please if you wish to talk further e-mail me at [e-mail]
I'm only 21 but i have had 3 children, i am not judgemental. Everyone has there own reasons and needs.

Answer 7

It sounds like you would only be getting the abortion for your boyfriend...to make him happy. That is not a good enough reason. I think if you do this for him...because he says he is not ready, then you will not forgive yourself and have regrets for the rest of your life. Maybe your not married yet, but think about this also, did that child your carrying ask to be concieved. Did that child have a choice. Does that child have a choice now. Now you are going to take its life away. There is another Option. Adoption is a way out.

And your boyfriend is being very selfish. He has a child. You did not create his situation so why should you or that child suffer for his mistakes. Finances....oh come on...you both make excellent money here. There are allot of ppl who would love to make that much money. Just any excuse is what it seems to me.

And what do you really really want. Its not all about him you know. If he really loved you and cared about YOU and HIS CHILD you are carrying...he would not even allow you to have an abortion. You say he is a good Dad? Well he is not being so good now. Would he want his other child to just disapear like he never existed. This is his child also even if it is not here yet. And I never once saw you say you two love each other. Only that you are basically a typical/normal happy couple. Does he love you enough for you to decide to keep the child and love it and him support you in this decesion and love you both.

I think you will so regret and never forgive yourself if you allow him to talk you into this. If you want this child, do not allow him or anyone else to talk you into abortion. Its not all about him..its now about you and that baby. Its not about all that he wants...its also about what you want. Are you going to allow him to dictact to you what you should do about a baby you seem to want. Come on..you seem like a really smart girl. Now is the time to take control of your own life for you and that baby. Search yourself not for pro-choice but what is actually inside of your heart and spirit. What is really the right thing to do.

Answer 8

Im against abortion. I belive that yaw should be responsible for your actions clearly its not a thing if your ready or not. Yaw love each other yaw have good jobs and everything. I don't see why you cain't afford the baby. Im 18 and pregnant and not married i had the choice to have a abortion if i wanted to. Me and my guy was in a relationship for less a year and he supports me. He told me it's his responsiblilty to take care of us since he is the one who got me pregnant. He is a wonderful guy and i think your guy should be suportive or he just don't see yaw together as much as you think. a baby is sayin you have to stay sometimes to a guy. I pray you keep this baby. You can do this IT is not the babys fault LISTEN ok ITS NOT THE BABYS FAULT so why should you punish it by ending it's life. it breaks my heart when i hear stuff like this. People should take responsibility and grow up. I did and Im happy. I said that im the one who had sex so i i also chose to conciquences that go along with it. Please keep the baby. who knows he may change his mind and if he loves you enough he would be taking responsiblilty like a real man. Im sorry if its mean sounding but it's the truth. If yaw planned on gettting married hello what 's the big deal. Just don't take a life just because he ain't ready. pregnancy and children are a blessing of god. Take responsiblilty of your actions

Answer 9

I am pro-choice and here is my opinion:
If you were living in poverty, I'd say that money could be a basis for choosing an abortion, but your combined income is solidly middle class, so please don't use that as your basis for whether to keep the baby.
Your man may have some fears about bringing another child into the world because the first time did not work out the way he wanted. If your baby was concieved in love, then I believe that you and your man can overcome any obstacle neccessary to give the baby a good life.
Talk to him. Let him address his fears and overcome them. There is a tremendous opportunity fo rpersonal growth here. I hope you both see it.

Answer 10

I would say don't do anything you don't want to do and don't let a man effect your decision because that is something that you will have to live with the rest of your life, also what if after you get an abortion and in a couple years you guys do want a baby and you can't get pregnant? My boyfriend wanted me to do the same thing when i first got pregnant but just to think of doing that to my baby, I couldn't!! That is a little life but just think how much your life would change and listen to your heart!!