My breakup is tearing me apart. The big problem is, it was my fault. How do I deal with the guilt?

Question

There wasn't any abuse in the relationship; she says I was too emotionally unavailable. I was also drinking too much. I loved this girl very, very much. I just feel so worthless and hopeless. I've been through breakups before, but this is the frist one that I feel is my fault. How I dig myself out of this hole of despair? Any help would be appreciated.

Answer 1

No breakup is ever one person's fault. With that being said, you seem to understand that you should not drink so much, so stop that--it isn't going to help with the depression anyway, and it's not good for your health.

What you have do do now is just keep it together. Work on being a better person, and when this has run its coarise, you'll emerge a healthier, happier, and much stronger person than you were before the breakup.

We've all been there, but you have to eventually forgive yourself for whatever mistakes you made, and then you need to forgive her for not standing by you when you weren't strong.

Stuff is going to dawn on you over time, I am sure of this. Although withdrawing and drinking too much are inappropriate coping mechanisms that your ego was using to protect itself, there was something else wrong with your relationship, and it wasn't just you

The drinking and withdrawing are behaviors you are going to have to change permanently after you figure out what she was doing to bother you so much, and then you'll know that you should have been assertive instead of witdrawing or trying to kill your suffering with alcohol.

You're going to have to have a little faith in what I say when I say that you will let this go and life will get better, and this is the kind of thing that has to happen sometimes for us to grow: life is about adapting and growing as a person. If you choose it, learnin frrom this experience and then letting go of the attatchment you are feeling will be one of the best things that ever happened to you.

Answer 2

I have also been in bad breakups, and the only thing I can say is that you'll get over it. Being active will also help a lot because you're not just sitting there thinking about her. Maybe go out or something.

Answer 3

i suggest seeking help, counseling or plain and simple self-help activities for the things that you honestly feel were the cause of this breakup. no, not to win her back -- but just to better yourself as a person. like, tomorrow -- get it in your mind that when you wake up tomorrow -- it is the first day of the rest of your life and really set some goals on self improvement. think positive that you are going to improve yourself. even if it's learning a new hobby -- anything that makes your a better person from what you were a day, week, month ago. do it for yourself. i think if you are on the road to self improvement or fixing what was the cause of things going wrong -- there's no looking back -- only looking forward and that will also lighten your dispair. hang in there, best wishes.

Answer 4

Stop flogging yourself with it. Relationships are between 2 people, it is never just one's fault. You are taking responsibility which is noble and you can learn from this. Sometimes the choices we make, especially with those we love, are the wrong ones. Learn, move on,next chick you get, remember this experience and don't f*ck that one up.

Answer 5

ok. first- work on getting yourself better... that means stop the drinking if you havent already.
then think about what went wrong.
go back to her, apologize, and tell her you really want a second chance.
if she says yes, really treat her right this time. if she says no, then move on and learn from your mistakes.

im being straightforward with you this is what i would want a guy to do if i was the girl in your situation and what i would do if i was you.

i wish you the best of luck.

Answer 6

First of all forgive yourself for what you have done. Seek counseling and help for what you are feeling and to help you get past the pain of this so that you can start to heal. you are not worthless at all . Please stop beating yourself up over this. Seek counseling and help to learn to get past the guilt and pain and learn how to move on and live your life. Just learn from this and vow in your heart to never do this again and vow to yourself that you next relationship will be better. Here comes hugs to you today and i hope things get better for you soon. I will be praying for you:)

Answer 7

Have you considered AA? The twelve steps will help you deal with the grief and make amends. It will also provide a support group of people to talk to and help you control your drinking. Just a suggestion.

Answer 8

Learn from your mistakes and move on. If she comes back you'll be a better man from the experience.

Remember, it's smart to learn from your mistakes. However, it's WISDOM to learn from the mistakes of others. IE...would you jump of the golden gate bridge to see if death applies to you too?...somehow I doubt it. Try to notice where others have failed.

Just look at some of the crazy cat ladies on here that have answered over 30,000 questions...WOW! What a life eh?

Answer 9

Its never too late.If you truly feel that you love this girl, and she is your future, dont let pride stop you.Pursue your heart.Us females are all about expressing yourself and verbalizing your thoughts. We need to be told the little things, we are made on emotion. Dont give up if you really love her...

Answer 10

Stop worrying about it. If she loves you back- because it sounds like you love her-she'll accept you back. If you really think you can change and prove to her that you will try dont be prideful and go after her. Ask her to give you a chance.