what shoul I do about my 4 month old?

Question

My daughter is 4 months old and I have breast fed her since the day she came home. When she falls asleep she is usually at the breast.When i put her in her own bed at night she instantly wakes up and starts screaming I have tried to let her "cry it out" but she scream for hours. everyone is telling me to let her fall asleep on her own but she wont and its so hard for me to hear her scream like that. any ideas about what I should do? how can I help her fall asleep with my breast? I know she is not"spoiled" because it is a proven fact you can NOT spoil a baby this age.... Everyone is telling me to do different thing. People say do NOT let her cry her self to sleep she is to young and ... she will grow up not as loving as she would be if I hadn't let her cry .... im also scared to let her cry it out because the baby book says it makes them not trust that you will be their for them.. so when they grow up they are very insecure .

Answer 1

Don't let a four month old scream in a crib.

This is one of the most misguided and horrible advice to give a parent. When they are that young, they are meant to be by your side constantly.

This young in infancy is NO time to leave them alone crying in thier crib,
think about SIDS, etc.

Try to buy a nice cozy bassinette and put it beside your bed, breastfeed her, gently unlatch her with your finger and gently lie her down with your hand still in the bassinette so she feels your touch.
then gently and eventually take your hand out.

This is a much better approach for the both of you.

Answer 2

I may not have winning advice but I sympathise tremendously. First of all, YOU Aren't doing anything wrong. All of the "she will be spoiled; grow up unloved; let her cry - don't let her cry. Gosh you must be exhausted just from the anxiety. It is warm and cozy there next to you and her nursing also puts her right to sleep. I would say this: experiment with what ever you feel comfortable with during daytime naps when you aren't so tired and stressed missing your own sleep. I would allow the baby to nurse as long as they wanted and I was sure they were deep asleep. Then I would gently kind of roll them into their beds. Try to find some way the bed isn't shockingly cold. Cold sheets could wake her up. If she wakes and cries 20 minutes it isn't going to wake anyone else and therefore easier on your nerves. At night I would have to say do whatever gets you and her the most sleep; at least until you get the daytime sleeping down pat without too much stress. Crying is good exercise if there isn't anything wrong with the babe. You are such a good mommy!! Look at all the guilt (kidding :-) and concern you have in getting right!!!

Bless you - mom of five!!

Answer 3

Have you tried a pacifier?
What do you think about having the baby sleep in your bed? You can breastfeed her whenever she needs to during the night in a "lying down" position. When I do that, I barely notice when my baby eats during the night cause I just "half"wake-up and I don't always remember in the morning. I get a whole lot more sleep that way.

You can also decide to let her cry but please, do it only when you feel ready to do it, not because your boyfriend wants you to or other people.

You could also have a "side bed" (don't know if it's the right word)
It's a baby bed that has one side open and that you put just right by your bed. When you are finished breastfeeding her, you just put her in her bed, and if she wakes up, she can see you (which is reassuring) and it is easy for you to pick her up without even having to get up.

You see, there are plenty of solutions besides letting her cry!


Also, I commend you for keeping on breastfeeding when she is now 4 months. Don't listen to people telling you to give her a bottle... breastfeeding is so much better for her health!! And a bottle won't necessarily help. And think about having to get up in the middle of the night to get the bottle ready when it is so easy when you can just breastfeed!!

Don't give up!!

Answer 4

Sorry, but you MUST LET HER CRY IT OUT. When I was weaning my 2 1/2 month old son off the pacifier, he cried for 3 hours one day. BUT he fell asleep FINALLY. Every time after that the crying was less until within one week he was completely pacifier free and no crying. You have to be the adult, you have to do it. A baby may not be "spoiled" in the true sense of the word, BUT they develop undesirable habits that have to be broken. You, as the parent, must help your baby break the bad habit. You are the mom. She will not hate you, she will not distrust you. She will grow up a happy well adjusted baby who does not need to be manipulated to sleep and everyone will say "Wow, your baby is so good". I am on my 7th baby, I know what I am talking about. LET HER CRY. It will not hurt her physically or emotionally. I promise.

Answer 5

Hi! I breastfed my son too; and he did the same thing your baby is doing. It didn't work all the time, but sometimes when I put him down I would leave my hand on his back for a little while and then try to walk away. If that doesn't work you may just have to let her sleep with you, that might be the only way you get to sleep. That was my experience anyway. The only repercussion is my son is 3 years old and still won't sleep in his bed. Hang in there it does get better.

Answer 6

I breast feed all my children. Right now I am still breast feeding my 15 month old baby. One time at nite to put her to sleep (5 minutes) and in the morning when she wakes up. I am planning to stop when the winter is over. Believe it or not it has helped keep her healthy. she hasn't gotten sick despite me getting sick with the flue. Any way breast feeding is worth it . I must admit it has its ups and downs but worth it. Its hard work at times and convinient at other times. What you are describing is one of the hard parts of breastfeeding. Breast milk digest faster than powder milk, therefore baby gets hungry sooner. My doctor always told me to breastfeed the baby when ever he was hungry which was 2 to 3 no more than 4 hours apart. Once the baby turns 5 or 6 months you can give the baby cereal which will help keep baby full longer. Hang in there. YOur baby is still 4 months she want to be close to you at nite. Do you blame her? After all she was only inside you for 9 months. What I did was made a separate bed for her at nite next to me so I wouldn't smother her. When ever she woke up I picked her up and breast feed her if it was time. Remember if she cries its for a good reason, maybe she needs to feel cuddled, fed, diaper change, or maybe she is teething. My children started getting teeth at 4 months. And they were cranky and uncomfortable. My advice is if she is used to falling asleep with the breast, she will want that and expect it. from my experience, It has never been hard for me to put my children to sleep. All it takes is 5 minutes at the breast in bed with the lishts off at the same time every night. My children always new what to expect. Weaning was easy with my first two children now 5 and 3 years of age. They are healthy and are now sleeping in their own room. And I don't think I will have a hard time with my 15 month old. Don't give up you can do it. Good luck

Answer 7

It depends on her weight and how satisfied (filled) she is when she goes down to sleep. My kids slept through the night on their own when they reached 12 lbs - about 6-7 weeks old. Some babies still need the food at night. Especially if they aren't on solids yet. You could try a pacifier, but if that doesn't comfort her either, then she is probably hungry. My kids began solids at 4 months and slept better. A good bit of cereal at night and then a big (8 oz) bottle. Maybe it was the bottle, but if you can feel that she's had a good amount before bed, it will make a difference. (If you weigh her before and after feedings you'll be able to see how much she had) Hope that helps.
The crying it out thing only works when they are old enough and ready. You could also try keep her awake at the night feeding and read a book. Then put her to put her to bed 1/2 awake. She will learn to go to sleep on her own. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Please please dont let her 'cry it out' its such a horrible thing to do.
It is fine for her to fall asleep at the breast, that is what it is for. My daughters had this problem to but I'd just sooothe them and feed them again. Straight away so it only takes a minute otherwise they wake up fully.
After she has fallen asleep let her suckle for another 5 min, then slowly slowly ease your nipple out of her mouth. She will probably root around for more , but just gently move her so her face isnt against your breast. While whispering softly a lullaby or just shh shh shh. Then just gently pat her bottom/back. And slowly put her in her crib. Continue to pat her for a few minutes whilst whispering softly and sweelty. This should settle her.
If she wakes up then DONT let her cry just quickly pick her up after her first cry so she doesnt wake up fully and try wrapping her up and just rocking her. If that doesnt work then feed her again, it wont take long as she isnt awake enough she just needs to suckle.

If you feel you need to try using a dummy (pacifier) then after laying her down and she wakes just give her the dummy. Mine didnt take i as they prefered the breast and I didnt mind them suckling for comfort as that is my job.

For me it was easier just to have my babies in bed with me,that way I was relaxed and comfortable and baby would relax into sleep and let go quicker.
If you do that please take safety precautions. I pushed my bed against the wall (if there is any sort of gap then dont have baby near it as they can fall inbetween mattress and wall), take away any pillows near the baby, lay baby on TOP of your blanket ( adult blankets are too heavy and hot for babies) and wrap her up in her own blanket. And make sure there is nothing that she can squirm under (suffocation) or accidently grab and pull onto herself.

Good Luck and do what you feel is best for your baby. You will find if you try gentle and soothing settling techniques then both you and baby will be happier, calmer and alot less stressed.

Answer 9

If she pulls off the breast wait a couple minutes for that heavy sigh. I found with my kids they "played possum" a lot, or would pull themselves off the boob and lie there for a couple minutes. Sometimes they were just taking a break from eating. Do you have a swing? I swaddle mine and put her in the swing, in my room mind you, when I know she's out cold. It's got to be scary for a new baby. Everythings so big and new, and mom your comfy. Even a crib has to seem huge to a baby. My oldest daughter slept in her stroller or with me till she was eight months old. It's not as big.
As far as people telling you to do different things, she's your daugter and I hope they aren't making you feel bad for what your doing.

Answer 10

Never let your baby cry themselves to sleep. Babies and children always need to feel secure. I would probably try a soother, you may not love the idea, but it's not hard to take from them and they can be a life saver in certain situations.
My son would fall asleep at the breast too, but he would stay asleep when I transported him to the crib. I gave my son a soother, or pacifier, or nummy, certain ppl have different names, and it was no trouble to take away. It wasn't till 18 months, but he just enjoyed it. He, like most babies, wanted to be sucking all the time..and to go to sleep.
Try that, but I do agree with you, don't let her cry herself to sleep.
Good luck!!