My husband and I have been married for 2 years (this weekend). We have one son, who is 8 months old. We both dont want him to be an only child, but since our son has been born, it is been very difficult on us. I know a baby puts a strain, my life has completely changed, i am a stay home mom now and my husband goes out to work. He does TRY to help when he gets home and on the weekends does get up to do the feedings. I am going to be 37 and scared.I love my husband very much and would not want to jeapordize it with another child...are we being selfish?
2007-02-09 14:17:23 · 9 answers · asked by pussycattiger212 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm not sure that a baby can really be the true reason for a marriage being strained. If anything, a baby should bring the two of you closer together.
Having a second child doesn't add much more strain. It's not that much effort to watch two kids over one, especially if they are close in age. The first baby might seem like such a strain because everything's new to you. But when you have the second baby, you'll be surprised at how you just take it all in stride. You're not as nervous, you've been thru it all before and know what you're doing.
Have a serious talk with your husband and try to be honest with each on just what the problems are between you. Try to come up with a plan to make things better. Maybe agree that every night after dinner, you will sit by each other on the couch and talk for at least 30 minutes about how your days went. The baby can play at your feet while you're talking. If at all possible, try to get a babysitter once each weekend so you and your husband can do something together, such as going to a movie. Explain to him that it's important you two find time for each other. Maybe write a list of the pros and cons of having a second child. Hopefully you'll be able to become closer and come to a decision on it.
Good Luck!
2007-02-09 18:49:41 · answer #1 · answered by Ruby V 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish at all. You're thinking about the stability of the marriage which also includes a baby. It's a blessing to have another child as you know, it would also be nice for your son to have a little brother or sister to play with. But what if the strain is too much and you both separate? Now the boy will be without a daddy. This toppic is something that you and your husband really need to talk about.
2007-02-09 22:33:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its anything but selfish for a couple to actually think of the consequences before bringing another child into a relationship that may ultimately cause strain.
If the two of you feel another child will be too much to deal with, then do what you need to do to save your marriage and be good parents to the one you have. Perhaps 2 children would put too much strain and cause divorce, leaving 2 children without mommy and daddy in the home. Not fair to the kids.
So i would keep doing what you are doing and weighing the pros and cons, and hun, if you honestly feel a second child will put the two of you over the edge, then either decide not to, or decide to wait another year and discuss it then after a better routine is established.
Women nowdays are having children way up in their forties, so you have plenty of time to have a second child when the time is right for the two of you, if it ever is.
Dont rush into anything. Take your time and continue being responsible adults and parents by being honest to yourselves first. I applaud you for considering all aspects. If only more parents and people would be as responsible thinking as the two of you.
Good luck to you and best wishes.
2007-02-09 22:31:05 · answer #3 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that it's good that you at least THOUGHT about your current situation versus just going straight into getting another child. why not just enjoy what you have? or why don't you wait until your child is old enough to answer that question? you never know. your only child may be glad that he is an only child. but if you are questioning your current situation and worrying about the strain that it will put on your marriage then DON'T DO IT. practice birth control. and not just condoms. visit your obgyn and get on some kind of hormonial birth control and take it regularly. and follow the doctors instructions as some foods and situations can weaken the hormonial birth control. no you are not being selfish by thinking about this. don't worry about your child being an ony son. he can make friends and hang out with them as he gets older so that he is not so lonely. i grew up in a very active household and there were many times (i grew up with one sister that was extremely active...more than me). there were times that i wanted to be alone so i could rest. by the way...i'm an introvert and most of my family are extroverts. if you don't want to have another child then don't. nobody is going to hold it over your head. nobody is going to punish you for it. its your life and your body. besides..isn't this planet overcrowded as it is? and our natural resources are already being overstressed and over strained. i say good for you for thinking about it.
2007-02-09 22:34:14 · answer #4 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO! you are not being selfish. An Only child and even multiple children are blessings. I have 5 kids and the strain and pain would be nonexistent without them, but I wouldn't change it for the world. Just stick with your one baby. It's easier with one and as long as he has little friends his own age to play with he will have a well rounded childhood. Take him to the playground and look for mommy and me playgroups in your area. The internet is full of resources for stay-at-home moms and their little ones. I think you and your husband are fine with just one. Besides right now you are at the age when you shouldn't be having anymore kids. My mom gave birth to my baby sis at 38 and the physical complications almost killed her. Stay with the one. He will appreciate not having to share you with anyone else but daddy and you will be less stressed out and able to tend to him and daddy without being so stressed out. Take care and good luck.
2007-02-09 22:33:04 · answer #5 · answered by MariClaude 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in no way are you being selfish. you are doing what is best for you and your husband. there is nothing wrong with having one child. the strain will ease when he gets older. if having another child is going to jeopardize your relationship with your husband, then i personally think something else other than a baby is the issue.
2007-02-09 22:26:11 · answer #6 · answered by zsaffireblue2003 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes your marriage can stand another baby. It is not the baby causeing this you need to work more on your marriage to make it stronger for you both and for the children. Go to marriage counseling and help for this. I feel that when you had your first child you put more time and effort into the child then you have your marriage ... What you need to do is put more time and effort into you marriage and then you can be better and more effective parents to your children down the road. maybe you guys need parenting classes. What i am saying is work on your marriage before having another baby. Then once your marriage is better and stronger then have another child.
2007-02-09 22:36:48 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you have your hands full now. your son would be fine growing up an only child. (sometimes i wish i was one, there are 6 of us) anyway, at least wait a year and then see how things are going. you might have completely changed your mind by then.
2007-02-09 22:32:11 · answer #8 · answered by angel1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems clear from this that you do not want another child.
Why have another child if you really do not want one. There is nothing wrong with having just one child.
2007-02-09 22:32:12 · answer #9 · answered by Bob 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋