Why doesn't anyone listen to what I have to say?

Question

I feel like I don't exist. I am good at listening to what other people have to say, but I am virtually never granted the same courtesy in return. I feel like nobody cares about anything that matters to me. Anything I have to say gets cut off, ignored, etc. by everyone in my life. It hurts! I am tired of this crap. I am tired of having conversations with myself. What do I have to do to get people to be interested in what I have to say and actually hear and listen to what I want to talk about?

I have been treated this way all of my life by family and friends, but it is even worse now because my parents are seniors and they both are becoming moderately senile, so trying to have a conversation can be very taxing at times.

Answer 1

It may not be you so much as it is them. People are ego centric and self centered by nature. A good listener is rare. Notice how many people start talking about themselves and their experiences at the mention of almost any subject. (just look at the responses you've gotten so far, more than half have started off talking about themselves!) It's like a one-upsmanship. Mention you have a killer headache, and everyone starts talking about how they had / have a worse one. Mention a problem and you'll hear "oh that's nothing, here's what I have to deal with".
When you talk, people actually glaze over, look away, interrupt...... because the conversation isn't about them. Sad, but true. So just do what you do best, listen to them, and you will be more popular than ever. Maybe someday you will luck out and find someone who is actually able to come out of themselves long enough to listen and care about you. Until then, don't take it personally, you matter as much as they do.

Answer 2

I feel so sorry for you. I have the same problem! And sometimes its really hurtful! I've been neglected all my childhood - and at this stage of my life, when people talk to me - I usually don't open up much any more. I keep things simple, and I'm picky with making new friends sometimes too.

Well, what you can try and do is find people who share the same interests with you. I'm sure you're not a boring person or anything - so why not sign onto something like, a chat room or something and make new friends? =) There is always someone who will listen to you! And it's easier on the computer to make friends.

You can try joining groups or something. That way you can meet people in real life and hang out with them too! Though, it's harder to make friend this way... if you're not too social.

You can try therapy or counseling... personally, I don't prefer this idea... but it could work?

Um, I'm not sure of any other ways of this working out... but I hope those (above) help?! Good luck!

Answer 3

Maybe it's because you're such a great listener? Pay attention to see if other people in your life listen to those around them. Or are they ignoring everyone else too? Maybe you're not the only one being ignored.

If everyone else is being ignored they might love the fact that you listen to them and engage them in conversations that interest them! They might be feeling the same way you do and just want someone to take to heart their ideas, thoughts and feelings.

Since we all want to be listened to, appreciated and affirmed as good people I would keep doing what you do well!

Listen to others, keep engaging them with questions about what their interested in and ask them open ended questions.

Finally when they are all talked out you can try getting in your ideas, thoughts and feelings so you can also feel validated.

I say you have a rare talent of listening and should continue to foster that!!! People might really appreciate you for this and not look at you as a person they ignore but a person they respect to come to talk to them and feel safe.

Answer 4

Ooh. I feel this way a lot. Esp. around kids at school. It's like everyone has ADD when it comes to paying attention to what people are saying. I think what it is though is they are always too obsessed about their 'image' to the point where they are thinking of what to say next or how to act do their hair, etc etc instead of paying attention to what you are saying or even what else is actually going on in the scanario for that matter. To get people to listen? Either talk very loud and confidently, talk to people who are also good listeners, or keep repeating things I guess. Like I said, I deal with this a lot. But I am dealing with this at school with a bunch of kids I'll never see again. I don't know your position exactly of course but if it affecting your life a lot try the talking louder thing. I don't think it's that people don't care about what you say so much as they are too caught up in their own lives, truely.

Answer 5

Just what you are thinking about doing!! Oh Wow! I am suddenly sooo glad I Never Listen To Anyone!! (just jerkin' your chain) Well, it sounds like you are warming up and it's about time when you begin to make some individual announcements!! Wish I could be a fly on the wall when you decide what you plan to say or do to rectify your role and status among family and friends!!

You are an articulate, intelligent man and I know you are thinking even as I type!! Since your cup is brimming over, you come back and let me know what happened and their responses!! (I just love it when one of these Stand-Bys that are always so quiet, gets a Whole Lifetime Full up to their Eyeballs, and start making plans to change their future!!) Stand back!! I would not joke about this. This is poetic justice and you know it.

Good Luck!! (This is rich) And if I were allowed to pick and choose, I LOVE the first sentence of your details. That first sentence just says it all. You won't even have to raise your voice or clear your throat! Look them in the eye too. It is Startling to a Talker and They need to remember this. I don't have the b**** to do it, but I sense that YOU do!! Advice? For you? DO IT!!!!! Good Luck!! @8-) Wow!! I miss all the good stuff Cause I'm Always Talking!!

Answer 6

I know exactly how you feel. I went through this for awhile. It could very well be the people you are talking to. Are these your friends who are treating you like this? If so, you may want to look into finding new friends who will take the time to listen and care for you.

Or maybe it's a combination of everyone (family, friends, and strangers). Have you stopped and taken the time to reflect on yourself? For me, I realized it wasn't what I was saying it was how I was saying it. I came off too defensive when discussing issues and too whiny when sharing my own problems.

I'm not saying you are doing any of what I was doing. But, perhaps you could try a new approach when talking to people. You'll be surprised how a difference in a tone of voice or simple rewording can make a big difference.

Good luck to you!

Answer 7

I wish I could answer this question, but I am in the exact same situation! I've ended up being labelled as a b*tch because I eventually get so fed up with being ignored that I end up yelling to get myself heard.
I wish you luck, and hope you can get someone in your life who makes you feel worthwhile and heard. Maybe try therapy/counselling, as I once did. It helps to have someone to hear you, even if it's not exactly the people you want to be listening to you.
Good luck!

Answer 8

Some of the best thoughts are laid to waste. In simple format, keep it brief and simple. Even educated people don't like a lot of big words thrown into a sentance when it is not needed.
Avoid all the Ahh. ummms and you know words.
Carry a coin in your pocket. When your going to add to an idea hold onto the coin and think of what you want to say. Then say it.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

I see you've gotten a lot of responses from lots of folks who sound truly interested in what you have to say.

You got my attention too! I'm very interested in what you have to say.. but I'll probably never run into you again! As I don't really know my way around here... What I'm wondering is - are we all living a virtual life?

....do you like to discuss? why not make a little bit of money doing something you do anyway? I've earned almost $60.
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