I planned a trip a month ago for my husband and I. He seemed fine with it at the time. The trip is next week and we had a big fight about it tonight. We have cats and need a pet watcher. He asked a girl that he knows that I think is always flirting with him. They have been friends for a while but her and her husband don't get along. She is always flirting (or to me it seems). I asked him why he would asked her to watch our cats and come into our home when we are away when he knows I feel uncomfortable with her actions around him. He got mad, really mad, when I told him I would find someone else. He also threw in that he didn't want to go on the trip in the first place,..I just drug him into it. We haven't been on an overnight trip together in 8 years.. I planned one of the nights during Valentines....it's ruined now. He also ended the conversation before I was done and said he was done with it. He never wants to do anything. I'm 36 and I feel like my life is dead.
2007-02-09 13:48:25 · 21 answers · asked by sugarbud 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband is 43
2007-02-09 13:50:28 · update #1
BTW- In the question when I said I told him I would find someone else...I meant to watch the cats...not another man! :-0
2007-02-09 13:55:35 · update #2
I don't think you are so sure that this girl who your husband wanted to pet watch is flirting with your husband. It doesn't mean that he was because you never caught him flirting with her. I just think that it is 'you' that has a problem with her, that's why you dont want her to watch your cats.
You must know her to right? So, what your husband was doing was just trying to make it easier for you to find a pet sitter, rather than you having to look around for someone, so this girl came to mind. Of course he got mad at you because you were already accusing him with flirting with this girl! That's why he lashed out at you saying he didnt want to go on this trip after all. Because you OVERREACTED to HIS IDEA. (smile)
When has your husband ever got to make plans or when has he ever got to plan something for you two without you disagreeing with the plans that he wants? Or, does it have to be your way all the time?
The only thing you can do, is go along with his plans that he had in the first place. Don't overreact if you never saw him doing anything wrong with this girl. If you want to have that vacation with him, then go along with HIS plans, not yours. Otherwise, you will not go and you may be headed for some problems. Let him make the decisions, not you.
Your husband is not falling out of love, I think that you are pushing him away because you are assuming things that are not there. You need to trust him on making decisions. You married your husband because you love him and trusted him. So, why not trust him now? I think you are the one who should go to him and apologize to him for not trusting him. Tell him you were wrong, or can you even do that?
If you have not overreacted, then you wouldn't be having this problem. (smile) I do apologize for telling you like this.
2007-02-09 14:09:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's quite possible he is scared of what may happen on his second tour, and undoubtedly, there are some things that still haunt him from last time. Has he talked to anyone about it? It's really something to sit down with him about, and the fact that he refuses says something. Is he depressed? Maybe you should tell him you will back off (and do) and let him come to you when he's ready. Tell him you're afraid your marraige is falling apart and don't want to lose him by pushing too hard. Don't stop being affectionate, just stop pushing him to talk about it. He'll come around if he still wants in it. But considering where he's been for part of your marraige, I'd say it is more trauma than lack of love. Good luck to you.
2016-05-24 19:25:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him stay at home then and take a best gf or something. I am sure they have something the two of you can get into and have a little fun.
If he wants to sit at home and be a prude, then let him. Tell him u are going, with or without him. He can stay and watch the cats. Men dont understand anything most of the time. You have just reasons for not asking her to be there around you and your husbands personal belongings with a free hand to snoop around if you feel she has other intentions than just friendly ones. If she appears to be a bit too friendly, then trust your intuitions. They are given to us for a reason and hun, u listen when they speak to ya. I have never been wrong when i listened to mine. If your intuition says she is up to no good, I bet she is. So dont give in to him. There is time to reconcile before the vacation time. Try to, and if not, then go with a friend. When u some back, tell him what a good time u had. Dont even mention the fight. Play their game hun. They have taught us how to play, so time to play it. Good luck.
BTW.....if you are only going to be gone a couple days, then just set out plenty of food and water and an extra litter pan for the cat to go in. They arent like dogs, they can take care of themselves and potty in a pan. Just as long as they have enough clean litter and food and stuff, theywill be fine for up to a week actually. That is unless u have like 10 or more. then there may be a problem. ;)
2007-02-09 14:01:33 · answer #3 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
That is odd that he would ask someone that he knows you are not comfortable with in fact it is disrespectful. I have found it is no fun to do something with someone when they don't really want to do it. My best advise is to try not to seem insecure about this girl. Try to show that you trust him because going the other way wrong or right can push them further away. Do your part 100% and if he doesn't reciprocate then there is nothing more you can do and will need to make a decision of whether you want to live the rest of your life this way. Perhaps seek counseling...i think a neutral party can make the other person see how you feel and it not come across so personal or negative....Good Luck!
2007-02-09 13:56:29 · answer #4 · answered by dekota1997 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi there sugarbud,
Well it seems to me that you both should come to an agreement on who is going to watch over the cats and your home.You BOTH must be comfortable with this decision.He has to learn not to throw a hissy fit like a two year old.
I also can understand that it would be nice for you both to get away.8 years with no overnight vacation can be rough!
I suggest you keep a close eye on your man.A woman's intuition is never wrong.It is amazing how good a woman's vision is when you can see out at the corner of you eye.Talk to him and tell him that you have been feeling that he has been a little distant and you want to work on it.At least he will know how you feel and you will feel better by getting it out in the open.Marriage has it's ups and downs,what makes a marriage strong is how much you both can handle and how you handle it.
Try going to a nearby spa or get your hair cut or something new.That will make you feel better for yourself.A massage always works for me!
Best of luck!!
2007-02-09 14:10:57 · answer #5 · answered by virgo woman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems kinda odd that he was okay with the trip but all of a sudden picked a fight. And, I think it is very disrespectful (not to mention suspicious) that he asked this girl to watch your cats. I think there is trouble on the horizon. You two really need to talk. However, if he is going to be defensive and get mad right off the bat, I think you need to look into this a little bit more. There may be more to this than you think. I also wouldn't want this woman to have access to my house!
2007-02-09 14:04:07 · answer #6 · answered by bamagirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's not falling out of love. He's just getting attention from someone else at a time when things are not blissfull between you and him. It could be any number of issues that's causing the tension, work, money, stress ... But you both need to agree to disagree on your neighbour watching over the pets and go on this trip. Something good may come out of it.
2007-02-09 13:59:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that the two of you attend marriage counseling. You have been together for awhile and may still have feelings for each other. It is also obvious that there are several issues that need to be worked out. A counselor may be able to help you with the issues while you decide what to do about your marriage. If he won't go to counseling, that is also an answer.
2007-02-09 13:55:46 · answer #8 · answered by Bruce H 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First of all there is no such thing as love its all bs .. just take a reality break we are all animals and get in a lustful state and think that we are in love.. love is a sham..its just a fairy tale . best thing is just get a divorce and be single and just leave people alone date if you must but never tell another you love em..its just crap. so get over it get on with your life and just live and take care of yourself in the long run yourself is the only thing that matters and the only person you can count on.. sorry to be the bearer of bad news but its the truth.
2007-02-09 14:53:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know it sounds kinda cliche but have the two of you thought about counseling? Or even start to do the things u did to make the two of u fall in love. Make a date to go to the first place the two of you went together.
2007-02-09 13:57:11 · answer #10 · answered by divalicious 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋