a family and 20 years of marriage, but all respect is lost
2007-02-09 13:38:14 · 10 answers · asked by crazy4u0223 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we've been married 20 years and he is not the same person, we have 4 kids and i've lost all respect for him. he isn't respectful of people different from him and his views are very different from mine. i'm in my 30's still and i am so lonely, i can't even be intimate with him because i don't like what he believes,
2007-02-09 14:22:43 · update #1
the key element to your question is 'all respect is lost'...all the counselling in the world, or friends chat, will never restore that,,,respect and/or trust when lost, cannot be regenerated, and both are integral to a healthy relationship...20 yrs of marriage is sad to loose but you appreciate those years spent together, and you move on in your life without him..your other family members will still be there, but why resolve the remainder of your life to misery and pain,,get out and look around, your life isnt over~~
2007-02-09 13:54:26 · answer #1 · answered by ~Cindy~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I read your question and my heart broke into a million little pieces for you. I don't have an 'answer' just my two cents.
Boy, right now if your speaking of yourself; that has to be a damn lonely feeling honey. Most people opt to divorce thinking that will be the way to go and it isn't. There are couples that live with each other in marriage and develop other interests outside of home, hobbies, keep/creating friendships, go to the gym do other things to occupy your mind and time during this dry spell. All marriages have them, sometimes they seem vast and the thought of bridging that gap is overwhelming.
You may consider counseling but that may not be what you need. You do need however friends to lean on while you go through this period. In creating this world outside of the marriage and kids you create a self that is interesting and interested. No matter what, hold fast, tight and hard while you go through this.
Many hugs
2007-02-09 13:47:53 · answer #2 · answered by Michelle_My_Belle 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If all respect is lost, there is not much left. I know from experience what it does to a person when you stay with someone you dont love or respect! I think you should just tell them why you dont love them and why they lost your respect, and tell them enough is enought and I want out. You can make it as blunt or as flowery as you like, and you will feel better for getting it off your chest(Beleive me!!!).
If you dont do something about it now, you will be leaving your run too late.... Life is too short to be in a relationship you dont want to be in. I wish you all the best and send you my love!
2007-02-09 14:28:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's start with the idea that the first person you should learn to love is yourself. Love and respect yourself and you will find others will respect you. If you are living with someone whom you don't love, you have multiple opportunities. Continue, separate, divorce. If you want to continue your relationship you'll have to find some way to achieve emotional comfort...which may mean trying family counseling or even private counseling. If you want to separate, just do it. There are economic considerations, practical considerations and emotional considerations. Same thing for divorce. If you want to divorce, think it through before acting. In any event, try counseling, first for yourself and then possibly for the two of you. And, good luck.
2007-02-09 13:46:04 · answer #4 · answered by judgebill 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you have not been to counseling already, call tomorrow and go. If you cannot afford it, go to a Pastor or Rabbi.
There was a reason you married this person in the first place.
Have you talked openly with your loved one about this? If you have not you need to do so now.
You don't say why you have lost respect so that's all we can give you.
God bless and if at all possible, try to make it work.
2007-02-09 13:47:40 · answer #5 · answered by autimom 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I hate to say this but life is short. If you are not happy with your life, you have a life wasted.
Have you talked to marriage counselor? If this does not help then maybe going your separate ways is a better option.
I'm married too (only for 3 years) so I cannot imagine if I have to live with a husband that I don't love anymore.
Wish you the best.
2007-02-09 13:45:15 · answer #6 · answered by limited_edition78 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A trial separation has saved many a marriage. Six months apart, a year... it's better than outright divorce. You divorce someone who beats up on you or your kids.
2007-02-09 13:43:13 · answer #7 · answered by Matt P 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you seek counseling and help for you and for this marriage. This is what you do. If there is no hope left after you seek help then and only then do you leave and file for divorce.
2007-02-09 13:43:05 · answer #8 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
seek marriage councelling
2007-02-09 13:45:51 · answer #9 · answered by DON 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
be poite and nice to them but you cant be forced to love them back
2007-02-09 13:41:39 · answer #10 · answered by kins 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋