I am dating a wonderful guy. He's very cute ( looks more like he is 30), British, a gentelman with a great sense of humor and very kind and sweet. We are both mature adults with good jobs.We both would like one child. I am just worrying a little bit, not so much about who he is now, but what our relationship will be like in 20 or 30 years, when he is 80 and I am 60, when the age difference will be much more apparent. Also he is going to die much before me which means I will be a widow for a long time. I am just wondering what I should do? I love him so much, but I am just worrying about the future. I have asked my pastor about what I should do, he said I am engaged to a good man and that I should not worry. What should I do?
2007-02-09 12:31:41 · 32 answers · asked by Rose 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if you love eachother,don't worry about the future!
2007-02-09 12:36:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'd really like to say go with your heart but all of the questions you are asking I recently asked my friend. She will be 23 in August and her boyfriend turned 50 on February 7th. A 27 year age difference! It blew my mind because I am 22 and my father just turned 51! He won't necessarily die before you do but what if he passes away at 56 and your child is only 10 years old? As long as two people are willing to make a relationship work it will. Are you prepared to defend your relationship? I'm sure there will be people that don't agree with it somewhere along the road. Is your family ok with it? There are so many questions! Pray about it and hopefully God will show you the way...
2007-02-09 12:44:50 · answer #2 · answered by OU 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are no guarantees in life, so worrying so much about the future is probably a waste of time. You never know, you being so young may keep him youthful. The truth is that at the age you are now, there is a much larger age difference. You say that you are both mature adults, but 24 is still much younger when you compare life experiences to 40. Are you sure that these are the real issues you are worrying about, or this is just the 'acceptable' issues to fall back on?
2007-02-09 12:40:27 · answer #3 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said how much you love him, but no mention if the
same feeling is from him to you. There is an age differen-
ce of 20yrs it's true but TRUE LOVE by two people can
mold into one. Just remember he has had a lot more ex-
perience out there than you have had. Just because he is
cute and kind and sweet does not automatically make him
the best dad for your child. Talk to him and get a better
understanding of what it is that YOU and HIM want from
each other and remember the responsibility that will be
needed in raising a child, and if you and him are sound
in your decisions and understand fully that you and him
will be with each other for the rest of your lives as you
will be having a child togeather , then don't worry about
the getting older part as no-one knows whose time it is
to leave this earth, with this in mind and you and him are
really really really sure about it then go for it. LOVE is
the bonding of two people that make them one and if you
and him can get that bond then it will work, Good luck
2007-02-09 13:16:45 · answer #4 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I married a man with about the same difference in age. I was older than you are and he was older, but the difference was about the same. I was told it would never work and so forth. We proved them wrong. We were happily married and I would never wish I hadn't married him. We didn't have children. He had children and they have been very good to me. They were out of the home when we got married. I still get birthday, Christmas and Mother's Day flowers, gifts and cards, calls and e-mails.
Don't worry about when you are 60 and he is 80. I have relatives
younger than I am who lost their mate before I did. My husband also was young for his age. It was only the last few years he needed care. By then we had grown so much in love it was never a chore. In fact I think it might be easier to care for an aging mate at 60 than when you are both 80. I have been a widow now for
ten or more years and have adjusted. I can't tell you what to do.
I do know a few other couples who had about the same difference in age and were happy. If you want to write to me e-mail you are welcome. God bless you honey. At least you have your pastor's blessing. They don't know everything so make your own decision. You are mature, but young enough to wait if your not sure he is right for you.
2007-02-09 13:16:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Follow your pastors advice and don't worry about it. The age difference will actually be a smaller ratio as you age.
How someone ages is very tied into genetics and also influenced by lifestyle. Keep him healthy, and you'll keep him around longer.
In the US, 50% of marraiges end in divorce, regardless of age, so all your worrying about what will happen in 20 or 30 years has a 50/50 chance of being wasted anyway.
You say you really love him and just aren't sure...how will you feel if you break up because of fear of the future, and realize in 20 years what a big mistake you made?
2007-02-09 12:39:02 · answer #6 · answered by heart o' gold 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go for it. It isnt as abnormal as you would think. Just have the child right away or within the next few years so they dont have to have that old of a father, not that there is anything wrong with that, it just is easier. I am 18 and found myself attracted to older men. Dont feel ashamed or bad. Love amongst two adults knows no age boundries. You will spend far many years wondering what could hav e been if you didnt that as a widow if you did.
2007-02-09 12:47:32 · answer #7 · answered by maddierw 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well best case senario.. just love him spend time with him but tell him nothing serious will ever be with the two of you .if you want kids he is not the guy to give them to you.The age doesnt matter right now but when you have kids hes older and wanting to sit in the easy chair while you take care of the kids then thats another thing.. then well what about when you start thinking about what you could have been or who you could have married .. its just not going to work sweetie..no harm in loving him and dating or living together for awhile but serious nope think its a very bad idea ..i was with an 18 year old that i loved more than life itself and she loved me and said it didnt matter but i saw the future and all the things that she would miss out on and years later the misery and regrets she would have .i walked away i was 44 and although i have regretted it i did the right thing and i shall always feel that way ..this is just my opinion ..if you are already thinking ahead and if you marry and have kids well what do you think that you will be thinking then. and its not his fault he just wants you to be happy and loves you so .. where do you go from there. so do what you think is best for you.
2007-02-09 17:18:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know if you really want to marry him or not. If you really love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him then go for it and dont look at all the stupid negative reasons BUT if you cannot handle the age difference after a while then let the poor guy go and move on with your life. You should not worry at all and if it were me i would marry him if i loved him . Sounds like you have a wonderful guy there who loves you very much! Pray and ask God about it. Is he God's will for your life? If he is then marry him. Make sure that God is the center of your relationship and marriage. Also make sure to go to pre marriage counseling too. It seems to me that the positives FAR outweigh the negatives here.
http://www.marriagetoday.org
2007-02-09 12:50:36 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You love him and he loves you, that a great start, enjoy the time you'll have with each other, if you have a child right away you guys will have 25 good years with you child and he'll get to know his father very will. Don’t worrier about what could be when your 60 and he's 80 live for each day and tell him you love him everyday.
Good luck and keep the fire burning
2007-02-09 12:54:38 · answer #10 · answered by choiceav 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am 43 and my husband is 54 that a decade+, yours is two decades, We have been married for 22 years now, and its been Ok, in earlier days it was quite common for women to marry older men, because alot of women died in child birth or in sickness, it was accepted.
From my personal experience I would say If you all have common interests, common goals, enjoy the same type things, then it would probebly work if you are ready to settle down and be a wife and mother, but alot time the younger member of the relationship gets restless and wonders if they missed something.
But be aware that there will be better, worse, sickness, and health but if you truly love each other enough it can work.
2007-02-09 12:45:01 · answer #11 · answered by kathy h 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋