I've been married to my husband for four years, and he has an ex-girlfriend that he still is close to. He actually cheated on a previous ex-girlfriend with this girl, but was broken up with her by the time we started dating. This girl lives in another state, but they talk over the phone and email. She has always carried a torch for my husband. Before we were married, she always used to IM him about how he should break up with me. She still flirts with him, tells him "I love you".
My husband has been very open about his current relationship with her. He tells me about their conversations and sometime shows me her emails. He knows my feelings about it. I have no reason to believe that he's cheating on me. But, he will sometimes say "I love you" to her (out of friendship), and calls her nicknames like "beautiful". He never talks to her about me. She's coming to visit this summer, and I'm having a hard time dealing with my jealousy. I trust him, but I don't trust her. What do I do?
2007-02-09 11:45:26 · 14 answers · asked by confused2020 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
talk to him about it and tell him how you really feel about her and how you dont fell comfortable and him calling her names and saying i love you. then talk to the girl and explain to her how you feel and why you dont like how she acts towards your husband and hopefully things work out between the 3 of yall
2007-02-09 11:49:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know that the word Jealous really applies here. You know she's carrying a torch for your husband and she's clearly manipulating things so that you are the odd-man out. Frankly, it's a bit ridiculous.
You're married. That's when the back-biting girl crap is supposed to end.
Your husband should have long since realized that this isn't a relationship that is going to help his marriage in any way and he should be acting accordingly and cutting the ties.
It's a dangerous ground your husband is standing on. It'd be so easy for him to lose his footing, you know?
If the tables were turned would he be mad at you for saying "I love you," even as a friend, to another man?
There's your answer.
2007-02-09 12:03:47 · answer #2 · answered by Lee Ann 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should not automatically take the defensive position here. You are assuming everything is okay unless you have proof that he is cheating. He does have a past history of cheating with this girl...a real man would step to the plate and let this girl go so there can be no doubt whatsoever. But he doesn't, he flaunts his emails, flaunts this girl who is drawn to him and flaunts the power he has to make you uncomfortable and make you feel like he has a backup plan in case you aren't good enough for him. He should be protecting you, fighting for you and making sure everybody else takes a back seat to your interests. This is petty, small, sad behavior on his part. You don't need to accept it....after all, ask yourself...if you had a guy who was your ex-lover coming to visit you, would he be upset? Here is my advice: Tell him that you believe the arrangement is wrong, it makes you feel angry, and a real man would protect his girl.
2007-02-09 13:27:55 · answer #3 · answered by Paul 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should be jealous. He is making a fool of you. He's getting to be married and have a girlfriend right in front of his wife.
I guarantee you if you told him to choose between the 2 of you & let him know that you mean it, he would not give her up!
I am so sorry that you are going through this. If he loves and respects you he will cut off all ties to the other woman!
2007-02-09 11:52:20 · answer #4 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Frankly, you're not being jealous, you're being normal and rational. This woman should have NO bearing in your husband's life anymore. He should NOT be talking to her or emailing her or whatever as long as there's even the GUISE of emotion there. This is going to end badly...take it from one who knows.
You need to lay down the law RIGHT NOW. It needs to be her or you, and there is NO wiggle room here whatsoever. You tell him that she is NOT coming to visit, he is NOT to speak to her .... EVER, and that's the end of that. And if after laying down the law on this one he goes behind your back, hit the road honey. You don't need filth like that.
2007-02-09 11:52:34 · answer #5 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, honey! That man is disrespecting you soooo badly! I don't care if they are just friends...he has no right to be calling her "beautiful" and telling her he loves her. I would put a stop to that RIGHT NOW! I promise you he would have a fit if you were doing the same thing with you ex. This is just a disaster waiting to happen. If I were in your shoes, there would be no visit this summer. You have every right to be upset and demand that he stop this immediately. It sounds like he's having his cake and eating it, too. Best of luck!
2007-02-09 13:34:56 · answer #6 · answered by bamagirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't put up with that any longer. Someone needs to talk to your husband about being a real Man and how to treat a woman. What he is doing is very disrespectful. Visiting??? Please tell me you didn't agree to it. I can't believe he even asked you or expects you to open your home to her. I mean, it's clear what her intentions are. If he pulls the ,"your just jealous," line, he is trying to control or manipulate you. Say you are being reasonable and are expecting your husband to step up to the plate and start acting like a real man who puts his family first.
2007-02-09 12:10:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I can't imagine being married, only because I've never been on a date, but I would hope that under marriage, you can ask your spouse to virtually cut off contacts like that, and that they will happily comply.
I wouldn't be "jealous." After all, you are the one married to him, but would I feel a little bit suspicious or sometimes anxious? Definitely.
2007-02-09 11:50:01 · answer #8 · answered by perfectlybaked 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you trust him, nothing can come of it, but personally I see him doing nothing to discourage her. He still stays in contact knwing full well she loves him and knowing that it is not an honor to your marriage. This is not a proper frienship for a married man only because she still has feelings for him. He's playing with her emotions and with yours and you are allowing it. Why?
2007-02-09 12:13:09 · answer #9 · answered by Ande 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should play it cool until she comes to visit. Don't be jealous, you already got him. But when she arrives you make sure you pull her aside and tell her in no uncertain terms that if she crosses the line with your husband you will beat the brakes off her a**!!
2007-02-09 12:01:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
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2016-02-11 03:01:23 · answer #11 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋