Can Boys And Girls Really Just Be Friends?

Question

We had a debate in French class and our topic was 'Can Boys and Girls Really Be Friends.' Put the basis on plationic friendships, with no romantic thoughts/feelings vs. friendships with one or both people have romantic thoughts/feelings for another. Going into the debate I was convinced boys and girls could just be friends, but after I was surprised when I went back in my mind and thought of every boy that tried to befriend me. Then I thought, eventually one of the boys would try to romantically persue me. This is now leading me to believe boys/girls cannot have a platonic normal friendship without once having a romantic thought about one another. This over course deals with people of the same sexual orientation. I have many gay male friends and I do know I can be friends with them because they will never have a romantic thought about me.

I want to see where people stand on this question, Why they think that, etc.

This doesn't include: brothers/sisters, homosexual friends, friends of the same sexual orientation, etc.

Just think about it. When you see both sides it gets very confusing as to whether they can/can't.

Now I'm talking about romantic thoughts and feelings. They don't have to be vocalized feelings, just what the other person thinks. Can there really be a friendship between guys and girls like there are between two friends of the same sex?

Answer 1

BILLY CRYSTAL IS RIGHT. YOU STILL WANT TO NAIL THEM.

IT CAN BE DONE, MAYBE, BUT AT SOME POINT THE GUY WILL WANT THE WOMAN OR IMAGINE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE UNLESS HE IS GAY.
SO MAYBE GAY GUYS CAN BE FRIENDS WITH GIRLS.

Answer 2

Of course they can! One of my best friend is a girl. The dynamic is different due to the fact that we are of the opposite sex, like we flirt and what not but we don't mean anything behind it. I don't have any romantic interest in her and she has none in me. I know this because, well, I know myself and she has a boyfriend, soon to be fiance and a little boy. Another of my good female friends, we've slept together but we ended up just being really good friends, both understanding that we have no real interest in the other, just chalked it up to drunk, crazy fun. I'd count that. Like I say, the dynamics can be very different from that of two same-sex friends.

I do see what you're saying though. It can be hard, and I think that at times the thought of something sexual will cross the mind of any friendship in which the people involved are of the opposite sex. That's just human nature. Even in heterosexual, same gender friendships, the topics of conversation often become that of sex (ex: Did you see her? She's HOT!). But even if you go down that road with your opposite sex friends, flirt or whatever, it's still a platonic relationship if you don't expect it to go anywhere beyond that.

I do believe that a lot of friendships between people of the opposite sex start with an attraction, but to say it's impossible for it to be completely platonic, I don't believe that.

Answer 3

I think they definitely can. As long as both go into it only wanting friendship, then yes it works. It's when one or both have other feelings that they kept hidden that it gets complicated. But i think it's a common myth that guys and girls can't be friends platonically.

I have a guy friend i've been friends with for years and years and we're close but neither of us have ever had feelings for each other- we both have had other partners at different times, and sometimes at the same time. I had a friend at college for two years who was a guy and we were really good friends but neither of us had any other feelings for each other. We were both happy to just be friends. For part of the time he even had a girlfriend, even though i was single the majority of the time.
I'm at university and my closest friend there is a guy. He's got a long-term girlfriend and I have no feelings like that for him. We are purely good friends.

I also have gay girl friends. Really, if you follow this argument then I shouldn't be able to be friends with them (even though i am straight so maybe you would say that was why it worked) but they are some of my closest friends. One of my really good friends even used to have a crush on me but she was quite ok that nothing came of it and we remained friends throughout. She now has a long term partner.

I think it's a shame so many people feel they cannot be friends with people of the opposite sex. It's a stupid misconception and i think that because of it is probably why so many friendships don't work out- because people already think they aren't going to (self-fullfilling prophecy).

Answer 4

boys and girl, yes...men and women of the same sexual persuasion who aren't related, generally no...I am not saying no in every case

I believe that I have had romantic thoughts towards a male friend or two and they have had them about me...it didn't necessarily mean there was sex involved but it could happen and complicate the friendship...additionally, if you ask most males, most males have some romantic or sexual thoughts towards most females (in general) including females 'friends', and would indeed have sex with the great majority of unrelated females who were willing, friends or not...if they say different they are lying...females however don't have as much of a problem befriending males and not having sexual thoughts or actual sex with them...you see that backed up by the sex of the responders here...

how do I know?...experience, kid

ps. I did read all you wrote...

Answer 5

Yes boys and girls can be just friends because I have plenty of friends who are guys and we are just friends nothing more nothing less. I never had any other feelings for them and they never had any feelings for me and trust me I have asked. It is possible to have that kind of relationship but it really depends on how you chose as your friends. Guys can be jerks and they can be very childish. you just have to get to know them and if they seem like the type of person you can tell anything to and have a friendship without benefits and other stuff then go for it. Not all guys have sex and other stuff on their mind and the same goes for girls so it really depends on your personality.

How do I know all this because I have been in this world long enough and have been through many relationships and friendships to know what can and can't be done. Also ALL my friends are straight.

P.S. another thing you can do and I don't know what denomination you are but if it was me I would just pray and ask God to guide me and show me who I should be friends with and ask him what you should do about it. Yes I read all that you wrote.

Answer 6

I think the real question is: Are people capable of reading a question that is more than two sentences long or are they all idiots?

I think guys and girls an be friends without romantic feelings. My closest guy friend is straight and I've known him for about three years. We get along excellently and not once have I entertained romantic thoughts about him, or him about me. (He's pretty open with his feelings, so I would know.) It's not that he's ugly or has a horrid personality, I just don't feel attracted to him at all. It would be like dating my brother.

We're not just slaves to our hormones. :)

Answer 7

Absolutely they can just be platonically friends. You're probably thinking of can girls and boys be friends without that stray thought of "what if we were together?" It's really hard to not think that with all the opposite sex friends because it's in our nature to wanting to find that right person to procreate with (our natural instinct is to reproduce, thus sex is everywhere). As human beings, we're one of the few species that can be monogamous. I have many friends that are male and I don't have one stray thought of what happen if I did go out with him...because I'm married and I'm very content with my husband. Of course, not everybody who's married doesn't have a monogamous mind. I'm just saying yes, you can have friends with the opposite sex and stay as friends.

Answer 8

Absolutely, I've been friends with this guy for 5 years now. Never kissed or held hands. Nothing. He is my best friend and i am his. When he started seeing someone I backed out so that he would build a friendship with this girl, it didn't work out for them but we have remained friends. it can absolutely work

Answer 9

Yes. I have many guy friends but have not developed crushes on them. I can tell them anything. But sometimes two friends can be sexually attracted to each other. It really depends on the people.

Answer 10

I didn't read the whole novel you wrote.

Yes, men and women can be just friends. I have heterosexual male friends and we can discuss anything. Every relationship does not have to have sexual undertones.