What do u think of this peom?

Question

Last kiss


They are at a dance having a good time.
They are king and queen its there time to shine
They are dancing together and singing the rap
When all of the sudden she stops and collapse
He pulls out his phone and dials 911
Nobody knows what was done
They arrive within minutes after the call
Theres something wrong she not breathing at all.
They give her CPR and get her loaded up to go
He cant believe it, its like a horror show
He follows them in his car with things running in his mind
Everything in his life is starting to unwind
They wont let him in he has to stay in the waiting room
Shes OK is what he has to assume
But what the doc tells him is not what he wanted to hear
The doctor told him and he started to tear
The love of his life he may never see again
What to do where does he begin
Shes still in a coma ands its been a weak
Hes buy her side and kisses her cheek
He still prays that she will be OK
And that she will be all right and awake the next day
Another week goes by and still the same
It was no bodys fault but himself he blames
Its 3 in the morning and he is fast asleep
He suddenly awakens to the sound of a beep
The doctors come running and he has to leave
She is going to be OK is what he believes
The doctors come out looking all sad.
Shes done with the coma but its still bad
They found out that she has cancer and thats the news
They only give her a week and nothing they can do
He wouldnt leave he was staying by her side
And thats what he did stayed until she died.
He gave her one last kiss and pulled out a gun
Without her in his life he was done.

Answer 1

You forgot the bit where he massacred all the hospital staff and the kids got injured (can't say worse) coming over in the Granpappy's car -

Saaarrrrrry and I am sorry if you are sensitive @ your poem but you did ask and I felt it goes from bad to worse to even worse instead of following equation of poetry and returning with hope.

Answer 2

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow writes very lyrical and fable variety poems. right it rather is an occasion: The Day is carried out THE day is carried out, and the darkness Falls from the wings of evening, As a feather is wafted downward From an eagle in his flight. I see the lighting fixtures furniture of the village Gleam throughout the time of the rain and the mist, And a feeling of unhappiness comes o'er me That my soul can not face up to: a feeling of unhappiness and longing, that may no longer similar to discomfort, And resembles sorrow purely because of the fact the mist resembles the rain. Come, examine to me some poem, some straightforward and heartfelt lay, That shall soothe this under pressure feeling, And banish the concepts of day. no longer from the grand previous masters, no longer from the bards elegant, Whose distant footsteps echo throughout the time of the corridors of Time, For, like strains of martial song, Their effective concepts advise life's infinite toil and business enterprise; And this evening I long for relax. examine from some humbler poet, Whose songs gushed from his coronary heart, As showers from the clouds of summer season, Or tears from the eyelids start up; Who, via long days of hard artwork, And nights without ease, nevertheless heard in his soul the song of extraordinary melodies. Such songs have a potential to quiet The under pressure pulse of care, and springs like the benediction That follows after prayer. Then examine from the precious quantity The poem of thy selection, And lend to the rhyme of the poet the extraordinary thing approximately thy voice. And the evening would be crammed with song, And the cares, that infest the day, Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs, And as silently thieve away. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Answer 3

It was good until the end, but he was very impulsive to kill himself so quickly. It would have been more romantic if she had a heart disease and he killed himself so she could have his heart.

Answer 4

man that was sad and touching at the same time it makes u want to cry , good one

Answer 5

Oh...is it about real royalty? or a Prom king/queen?

it's very good.

Answer 6

Its good, good job with the rhyming

Answer 7

its to long to read, but the start sounds nice.

Answer 8

it's good poem. it made me want to cry. it made me think bout what i would do if the guy i loved died like that.

Answer 9

Made me feel sad...To love someone so much you want to die to..wow !

Answer 10

sad