We have been married for nearly 12 years, and our marriage is strong. We have 2kids. However, my husband is always in a bad mood. He constantly calls other people and wants to know all their business, he is obsessed with our neighbours, as he can't understand why they do't work. He doesn't work himself as he is sick. He also picks at me a lot, today he said I was in a daze as I was walking a few paces behind him. He checks over everything I do as though I am a child. He says he isn't fed up with me and he does not want to split, yet he is miserable. How can I cheer him up?
2007-02-09 09:16:54 · 21 answers · asked by The Way 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He sounds like he may be depressed. See about getting him in to see a therapist and may starting some antidepressants. Good luck, it's a tough place to be. I lived with a grouchy man for 20 years. His bad back was his excuse.
2007-02-09 09:21:36 · answer #1 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your question could have absolutely been posted by me, your husband sounds exactly like mine except for the fact that my husband runs his own business. My husband is obsessed by a neighbour who cleans his car and sweeps up leaves, I hate driving if he is a passenger because everything I do is wrong and my husband now has this thing that he only wants to listen to 'facts' he doesn't do day to day gossip (that's why I am here) he's not interested in anything I say, yet if I don't tell him something he thinks I'm being secretive. He also accuses me of being thick because I'm not very good at helping the kids with their maths homework. He criticises my weekly shop saying I don't buy anything he likes, the list is endless. I don't have an answer, all I do is just go along with it and do my own thing. He also manages to criticise any friends I have and says they are just using me and they don't really like me....it's like he's trying to put me down. So I can't answer your question but it's really uncanny as to how our husbands seem very alike.
2007-02-10 12:51:51 · answer #2 · answered by georgeygirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am taking a guess that he is in his 40s or 50s. On that assumption, he should be at the prime of his life in terms of experience and earning power. Yet he is unable to work. That could mean a lot of internal conflicts that cause his decreasing self-esteem. He picks on others on similar issues to make himself look and feel better. But the bottomline is that he is not happy with his own situation so he takes it out on others.
I am in almost the same situation. I really don't have to work anymore, at least won't starve for the rest of my life, even though I am still fairly young. I want to find work in another field that I really like (but much lower pay) but I am way overqualified and employers don't even talk to me. I am frustrated by this and I hate to sit around. Don't want to return to the old pressure cooker either. I don't pick on people who don't work. There are quite a few people like me, who have lots of experience, not poor, but can't find outlets for our knowledge. In a way, even I know it is not a good excuse because I can always volunteer. I do admit that only I can resolve this situation so I never blame others.
You husband is likely defensive but he doesn't really want to battle you becasue he feels guilty doing so. Yet he doens't know how to articulate his situation and find a resolution. He needs more men friends and you can be as supportive as you can tolerate.
2007-02-09 17:34:02 · answer #3 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find him a hobby of some kind.
He needs some focus and something to challenge his mind maybe. What keeps him interested, you need to find an outlay for him. What attracted you to him and what did he enjoy doing in the past that he can still do now. As for your self get yourself out with some lady friends cinema or shopping you need to have some me time from the sound of things as well.
Do not be downtrodden since you do not deserve to be.
Always make time for you. I would say you could do with doing a hobby as well. Something you would enjoy something with the girls. Keep fit, tennis, squash anything even try something new.
Make sure you do it at least once a week. Its sounds like you need some fun back in your lives. Start doing things that make you both smile.
2007-02-09 18:09:51 · answer #4 · answered by Mr P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband need counseling and anger managemnet classes. Is he stressed out or depressed about things alot? If so then he needs to see a doctor fo tthis. Have you asked him why he feels this way all of the time? What is your husband sick of that he cannot work? You may also need marriage cousneling too.
2007-02-09 17:48:01 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has a problem. He needs to just CHILL OUT! He has too much time on his hands. I don't really think there's anything you can do, but you do need to tell him to get off your case. You're working, right? You're doing the best you can do. I flat told my hubby that I have a step-father, and a father, and I do NOT need another father figure, so he can just ZIP IT! Giving advice is one thing, but the nit picking is another. I finally started bringing it to his attention EVERY time he was nagging me. I would say, "You're doing it again! I know how to make grilled cheese!" Finally, it has gradually gotten a little less, but the more I took it, the more he dished it out. Mirror what he does sometimes and see what happens. And, I'm sorry, but STOP being so easy on him worrying about "cheering him up"....when he's being such a BRAT. Worry about yourself a little too!
2007-02-09 17:22:40 · answer #6 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
could this be because he hasn't got anything else to do at the moment? if he's not working because he's sick maybe he needs a hobby (know it sounds a bit lame but doesn't have to be!). see if you can get him interested in something then maybe he'll be distracted from the neighbours (at least some of the time) & he can develop whatever it is & meet new people etc x
2007-02-09 17:24:23 · answer #7 · answered by aria 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ive done 11 yrs with my man who is thought of every-ones best mate. a party isn't a party without him there.! if you annoy him ill be the one he takes it out on, not physically i must state. verbally, to belittle me, is how he does it. good job im placid and laid back or we wouldn't be together today. in a bad mood i don't challenge him, but have my say later. "you know what im like when im in a mood" is what i get. as i get older this statement isn't good enough. hes insecure. (need to know his background). but surly aft 11 yrs, respect should be 2nd nature,due to apologies given through his behaviour to me. why doesn't ur hubby work? has a doctor been seen? psychiatrist/therapist help taken? you r the good one. he leans on u. medical help is needed
2007-02-09 18:16:05 · answer #8 · answered by mole 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband sounds like me! I've been off sick for 2 months now, you get down on yourself as work keeps you focused on life. You get bored as there is only so much daytime tv you can take so anyone elses business becomes very interesting. you get grumpy as you feel worthless & if he is really like me then he'll be taking all that out on you!
get him down to see the doctor as he may be depressed. try to find him ways of being entertained without watching tv. try to make him feel valued & an important part of your life which will boost his self esteem & make him less grumpy.
2007-02-09 17:28:32 · answer #9 · answered by ATP 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he may have a problem, might be depression i dont know, but i think you should try and get him to speak to his doctor first and hopefully get him referred to someone who can help him. I know it probably wont be easy to get him to see anyone because first he has to realise there is something wrong with him. Hope this helps. Good luck and hope everything works out.
2007-02-09 17:27:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋