I have given this relationship with my husband all I've got. We have a baby of four months. Recently my husband and I have just fought and bickered about the stupidest things every night. I work full time and then come home and take care of the baby full time (I'm not complaining)..but I still need to do all the chores. He says he'll help but doesn't. My baby still will not sleep through the night.he is a sweet baby but when he's awake so am I. The dishes are piled high in the sink right now because I didn't use them and he won't wash them. I clean every weekend and if I ever point it out, he says "Well I pay all our bills." and things like "I didn't ask you to clean.." it makes me feel depressed and degraded.
Now his thing is to start an argument with me when I come home from work about something he knows will get me going. I started just not responding to avoid the fights but it is becoming pent up inside now. I don't know what to do to make him stop. I suggested maybe we could talk
2007-02-09 08:15:54 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
to a counselor and he will have none of that. I work and work to help pay for my mom and daughter (from another relationship) which is why I cannot afford to pay much for this house..but he holds that over my head. I am so depressed.
2007-02-09 08:16:57 · update #1
Look, you have to sit him down and have a talk, and leave out the cousellor part. Tell him how much you love him and care. Tell him that you are so tired that you feel like you are going to get really depressed. Tell him that you really need to have his help once in a while. Tell him that if he could just do this or that or get up with the baby every other night that you would be able to cope, but if he insists that you do it all you are going to crack and end up in hospital, does he want this? Tell him you need him to help, and that if you are to both work together as a team you could and would be much happier and would work harder. If he continues to hold stuff over your head, then he will get the same medicine. You are not complaining, but you need him to help you, so that you can enjoy Him more and more. He will understand this and help you out. Its not a mind game you are playing with the lives of your families well being and he is someone you love very much, so please show his appreiciation by helping you out so you don't go crazy. Perhaps he will appiciate your honesty and accept that you are not a robot and you have feelings too. Take care Heather
2007-02-09 08:29:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
my advice is first. if your feeling depressed it could be a sign of postpartum... you're actually very lucky to get out of the house and work for 5 hours. two. i'm going through the exact same situation, except for the fact that my daughter (6 months) is being breastfed. But she also won't take a bottle (with or without formula), or soother and won't go to sleep unless i lay down beside her (with a breast in her mouth). three. Her father also is in another state, and my mother goes to work during the day. I find solace by 1. usually ignoring less important housework 2. taking a nap with baby. when she was younger she too never took a nap during the day, but i've sorta trained her now by developing an easy routine. it'll work, give it a try and you'll be feeling better in no time...oh and btw... your friends could always help you out too.
2016-03-28 23:57:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should take sometime a be alone with you and the baby...basically what I am saying is that maybe you should leave for awhile...There is no reason that your husband should be the way that he is. I have a daughter from a previous relationship and I have three kids with my husband I dont work I am a stay at home mom and I do everything around the house take care of the kids and such..My husband takes of the bills and he even takes care of my daughter so I think that your husband is being very selfish.
2007-02-09 08:31:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is hurting you mentally. I suggest you have a serious talk with him. Tell him how you are feeling inside. I feel the same way sometimes and my man usually steps it up when I blow up. A woman's work is never down. You have a baby to take care of now. Put off some house work and stuff it's not going no where and take time for you. I don't think any man on this earth could do half the work of a woman. Take care and good luck!!
2007-02-09 08:26:50 · answer #4 · answered by aimstir31 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is hard when u have a baby also to care for. if he were a real man he would pitch in, even if he didn't want to. he shows u no respect and has no compassion for u. not good to keep it all in very hard on u, confront him in a nice way tell him how tired u are, he is resentful that u don't contribute much to the bills thinks because of that u should be punished and have to do all the housework while he just sits and relaxes after work. yes it is so depressing, he needs to change or your marriage is not going to work like this.
2007-02-09 10:56:05 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds liike you two are spiraling towards divorce. Foremost you have to ask yourself, and your husband, if you want to save this marriage. If so, you need to do some REALLY hard work. The day to day stresses add up, and it is difficult to not feel edgy or depressed about those stresses. But in order to have a healthy relationship it takes TWO people. I am not going to suggest you are to blame for all of this, but You can only control YOUR actions, so thats the best place to start.
I saw an epsidoe of Oprah recently. Know that I don't normally watch that show, but this one episode made me think. It was about a DVD called "The Secret." It was all about getting the most out of your life and being as happy, succesful and fulfilled as possible. The whole concept starts with you and what kind of energy you put into the world. If you are always stressing about money and dishes and things like that, and it gets you upset, you put the negativity out into the world. The most succeptable people to receiving this energy are the loved ones around you, i.e. your husband.
Try changing the way you think. Instead of focusing on the negative, think of all you have that you love. You complain about dirty dishes, try being grateful you have dishes and food to make them dirty. You have a roof over your head, you have a wonderul child whom you love. You are married to this man for a reason based in love, right? Focus on that. Think of the things about him that you love, that attracted you to him in the first place. Compliment him about those things. Try to do special little things here and there, like a nice note to start his day.
Don't make attacking statements in retaliation to his. That invites more fighting. But try to disarm the attacks by thanking him for something he did. Did he take out the trash? Thank you, give him a little kiss on the cheek to show you appreciate him. Did he put the baby to bed? Thanks you, and a sweet hug.
After some of this, maybe he will soften up enough to hear your pain. And when discussing things, don't attack. Make "I" statements instead of "you" statements. "I feel unappreciated when I have to do the dishes after a long day." Not something like "You need to do the dishes because I went to work." Make it about your feelings, not what he is doing wrong.
I hope some of this helps. But check out the dvd "the secret" if you can. It really does seem to be something that can help a lot of people.
2007-02-09 08:39:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well could you hire a house keeper ?? That would help a lot. Tell him you must hire a house keeper to get these things done around the house. Just sit down and discuss it with him. list all the reasons you need help. Tell him you can't get things done and work and take care of your guy's child.
If hes putting more stress on you and if you really can take it anymore and he's not willing to help out...move out to your moms house until you can reach an agreement..I mean you shouldn't have to suffer for him being retarded. He should want to help you as much as possible cause it's his son too.
2007-02-09 08:26:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
when in a fight use words like "I Feel" that gets the other person your arguing with to understand that this is how you feel not that your just bitching. When everyone is in a good mood, confront him about the things he lacks around the house, tell him that you work to and that it hurts you that he doesn't think that it would be nice for you to come to a clean home, it hurts you that he doesn't think of you. that sometime you would like to come home to a clean house so you don't have to do everything hear and at work. you have a job to and not only does your bf expect you to work when you get home he expects you to take care of his baby (i know yours to) tell him this and that your fed up with it, tell him you don't think i would like to come home and sit on the couch and watch tv for the rest of the day no im at work just dreaming about the dishes, i want to come home and relax just like you do and its time you start or youll stop, just stop taking care of everything except you and your baby, stop doing his laundry and his dishes just stop and trust me he'll start.
2007-02-09 08:29:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well did u go to a couselr but u shouldnt have to go thru that ur better than that on the real 100
2007-02-09 08:27:06 · answer #9 · answered by rainbows_r_for_eva 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband to grow some balls and be a man.
2007-02-09 08:20:45 · answer #10 · answered by Fahcue 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋