my wife asked me for space she says she loves me but shes not in love with me. what can i do to bring her back

Question

I need to know how to make her happy somehow wihtout seperating

we are in counsling. my biggest ? is how can I find out if she wants this to work

Answer 1

When I hear this question now, the first follow up questin that comes to my mind is "Who is she now in love with?"

I would say 9 times out of 10, when you hear these words, it's because she is "in love" with someone else.

You need to find out the answer to that question before you try anything, as your effort will not be successful if she is involved in an affair.

Check out www.marriagebuilders.com for more details.

Answer 2

well give her some time and that space she wants. Some times all you need to realize what you have is to have it go missing for awhile. If she still wants to leave after that all I can say is I am sorry. I mean the best you can do is sit her down and try to find out why she feels as though she isn't in love with you any more. Maybe you could get her to tell you if there are things you have done or said to make her feel the way she is at this point. Maybe you could change some of those issues about yourself and that could make her happy. Or you could possibly suggest a romantic getaway to reconnect. She might go for marriage counceling as well if you talk to her about it. There are a lot of things you can try to win her heart back again but in the end if she still isn't with the program then you must move on and let her go. I had a past problem like yours and in the end I had to let go. I know it's hard but if that is what she wants in the end then so be it. You can't be the only one fighting for the relationship. It just doesn't work that way. Maybe if it doesnt work for you then you might find another one day. I did and if I can then anyone can. I know the thought of being with someone else is the last one in your head right now. I am just saying you live only once. Try to get her back and if not then try to move on as best as you can and try to be happy. Good luck!

Answer 3

Had the same problem. There was no fixing it. If a woman says that, they are usually done with you. Cruel, but they are too cowardly to tell you straight up. They are also too cowardly to say anything early while it is building from a small problem that could be fixed, or at least worked on, until they are done and want nothing of you. Strange how someone who "still loves you" can treat you so bad. Its all a lie. Just move on buddy. Good luck.

Answer 4

You dont give up.... you made a commitment. Give her some space.... but that will not solve the problem. It sounds like you two need to sit down and talk and figure something out. Although... if she says shes not in love with you anymore- sounds like counseling is in order. If she doesnt want counselling- or to even try... I am so sorry- but there is NOTHING you can do until she changes her mind. Try, take care of yourself, and just remember things happen for a reason. Dont give up on yourself. You are VERY important to someone!!!! I PROMISE!! Im still waiting on that someone after my husband said the same thing. He didnt want counselling. I know i gave it my all.... as im sure you are doing. After that- just be content that you did what you could. Bottom line... try until you feel you kept true to your vows... and if nothing works- you HAVE to take care of YOU. You have to be your own best friend. Wow- i need to take my own advice- lol. See- things happen for a reason ( your question opened my eyes also). Thanks and good luck! :)

Answer 5

The best action may be no action. Kiss her and set her free. You have a chance at saving the marriage only if she is not in love with another man. This is why truth and honesty is most important so you won't waste your time. Your question indicates you are thinking only from your hurt not your honor. As a man acting with self-respect and honor will heal the both of you. Men cry in the dark so I suggest you get this out of your system and start dealing with the crisis at hand.

She has probably already been unfaithful and feel total guilt is why she feels she is no longer in love with you. There is no dishonor in wanting the woman you love back but you must put honor over love when there is infidelity evolved. Only allow her to come back on your terms when you have validated her transgression and she chooses to return. What I am about say most can't fathom but it is reality in relationships. You notice she says she still loves you but not in love...right? Read between the lines here: she is trying to protect you from her own transgression in the form of leaving you because she can't face you with the truth because she loves you and don’t want to hurt you again by telling you. If you love this lady you have to get the truth from her and get into counseling. If you can't face her infidelity then move on because the relationship was probably not that strong to begin with. You must get to the truth and let her decide to come back to you with honor while taking responsibility for her actions. Don’t ask her to stay for any reason. She has to make this decision on her own based on the value she carries of the union after she tells you the complete truth. She will not value the relationship or herself or you until decisions are made from complete disclosure and truth.

Think back about the anomalies in her past actions. You probably already know the truth of her unfaithfulness but could not face it. The last thing you need to be here is a weak. Confront things as they are, you both just may be OK even if you decide to move on. The greatest gift you can give to someone you love is ability to take responsibility for past bad actions to return self respect. A strong man will understand this and help her through it. You will gain respect from her and in yourself rather you stay together or not. She may choose to stay on the basis of you handling these crises like a real man and not a weak wuss. Pettiness fostered through hurt in the one thing you have to avoid here. Confront her, confrong her, confront her about the possible transgression. If she will not come clean, leave and don't look back.

TS

Answer 6

Get On With Your Life! Stop Trying To Control Her Feelings And Emotions. Seek Help For Your Own Sense Of Self, So You Know How To Secure A Relationship.

Answer 7

What you're asking can't be done. You can't make her happy if she isn't. She obviously doesn't love you anymore, and you need to move on. Some things you just can't change.

The best thing you can do is see a laywer right away, and he'll advise you on how to proceed with the divorce from there. Don't feel bad, though, half of all marriages end in divorce, so you're not alone. Good luck!

Answer 8

Guys will just never "get it". By the time you have to do something to "get her back", it's usually too late because by then us girls have whined, bitched, cried, moaned and tried to talk to you until we're blue in the face. At the point we say we need space or are not in love with you anymore, we're usually exhausted and done. It also kind of pisses us off when you try to do (when it's too late) what you should have been doing all along while we were complaining about what was wrong. Just back off. If she wants to be with you then she will. If she doesn't, let it be a fine lesson of what not to ignore next time. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

I felt compelled to offer you my advice, since I am in the exact same situation at the time, only I'm the one asking for space.

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years, and am going through a time where I "need my space". Basically, it's an easy way of saying.. I need time to myself to figure out where Im going, and what I'm doing. She's not happy with things or her life right now.

Like me, she's likely feeling bored, or wondering "where am I going in my life?" Don't listen to everyone else that says she just wants to go screw around with other men.

My advice would be to give her the space she needs. If you start demanding attention from her during this time, she will only resent you for it.

Don't act upset and needy during this time. Show her that respect her need for space, and trust that she will figure out whatever she needs to figure out.

I think you have something good going for you though. You're willing to fight for your relationship, and she'll see this. If you mope around during this time, especially a time she may be making a critical decision about the relationship, she will only see this side of you, and possibly base her decision on that.

Just do little things to remind her of why she fell in love with you in the first place. Make plans to go out one evening (with a friend or something), leave her flowers on the counter and give her the night to miss you.

Another big one - switch up the routine!!!! That's one of the best ways to make things "fresh" again.

I must warn you though, she may have already made up her mind. She might just be trying to decide if she can really make it without you. But know that whatever happens, it will be for the best. If she wants to leave, she's not doing you any favors by staying.

If you need any other advice, please feel free to msg me! Good luck!!!

Answer 10

My question to you would be, why do you want a woman who is not in love with you?
Why do people continue to hope to make someone else's feeling change. To get to this point, she has probably thought a lot about it, thats when you should have noticed something was wrong and started trying to do something about it.
Do give her her space. Do not stalk her or harrass her into wanting you back. Even if the stalking and harrassing comes in the form of love letters, and acts of kindness.