My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and one month. He is 35 and I am 20. I am now 4 1/2 months pregnant with our first child. He is very excited about the baby.
Last August, he cheated on me with his ex-wife. (of whom he has 3 other children with.) Although he did not want to, I begged him to tell me exactly what happend, every detail of it. He always tells me how much he loves me, always there for me, and that it was a big mistake.
This was the first time he has ever been unfaithful to someone. On the first week that it happend, he would always cry and ask for me not to leave him. I love him too much to, but my self-esteem is low, I have no trust for ANYONE, and my emotions are a rollercoaster. (also before I was pregnant.) I still feel betrayed and broken down no matter how much he tells me that he loves me and how beautiful I am to him.
We both want to repair this and live our lives together, but how do I move forward without holding a grudge?
2007-02-09 06:53:32 · 15 answers · asked by bella_honeylove 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Cut the loser free. Put the baby up for adoption, and after you mature (5-7 years) find a decent man your own age.
2007-02-09 06:59:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are very young! I mean no insult in saying this, but he is 15 years older than you. Have you put this into perspective when you are his age, and he is 50? I know that people say age doesn't matter, but I have seen way too many people break up due to that factor. You should see a counselor, not only about your relationship, but for your self esteem. Cheating is a very hard thing to get over, and requires a lot of self esteem. What are you going to do when he is finished with you and moves on to another 19/20 year old when you are 35? Be friends with his ex wife? Try to plan your life for not just your little one in your tummy, and not just for the near future, but what will happen years from now. Sweetie, you know in your heart what to do.
2007-02-09 07:03:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, you probably don't want to hear this but, I really don't believe that this was the FIRST time he's ever cheated.
The fact that she is his EX wife means that they obviously had a bad relationship, why would anyone go back to a bad relationship?
Why are they divorced, did he cheat on her?
Seems to me like he still has feelings for his ex-wife and this probably won't be the last time he goes back.
I know you're pregnant and the though of walking away now is even more hard then ever, but i really think that may be best.
2007-02-09 07:04:01 · answer #3 · answered by Mommy of 3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes in these situations, you really have to decide. Do you know that you CAN be with him and not hold a grudge? Or are you secretly wishing that his ex-wife dies in a horrible death? lol A lot of times women go back to their cheating spouses because of their lack of self esteem (which you mentioned) It's best to talk about this with maybe a family member, or a best friend. Someone who'll support you and your decision. And someone who can help you not back out of the decision. I hope I helped!
2007-02-09 06:59:44 · answer #4 · answered by Yesenia R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You by no potential completely flow on. the only situation you're able to do is discover issues to occupy a while, and discover reasons to grin. life keeps moving, without or with you. the fewer you do, the extra your subject concerns will weigh on your concepts. issues and subject concerns artwork in a fashion like how an afternoon drags. while you're at artwork or college some days merely drag continuously, and different's will blow via. that is purely a rely of shielding your self busy and your concepts on different issues.
2016-11-03 00:10:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way to move forward and not have a grudge is to learn how to forgive him and to let it go. if you cannot do this over time then it will only build up inside of you and you will become very bitter over it and ultimatley it will destroy your life and your relationship with him. Seek counseling and help for you and how you feel and see if your guy is open to couples counseling and therapy to work on and get past this together. I wish you the best. I can feel your pain and how hurt you are BUT you need help and counseling to learn how to get past the pain and how to heal and get past what has happened. If you do not get help then it will only get worse over time .
http://www.drphil.com
2007-02-09 07:11:45 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off its the age thing that gets me. plus you have to realize he has other kids to care for and hate to say it there will be no getting over this because he cant just not see his ex anymore, he has to have a relationship with the other kids if he didn't have the kids i would say you have a chance but you don't because you cant get rid of the problem that started to begin with the ex. you have to do whats best and move on and let him be and have him care for this child to but you need to move on and find someone better and closer to your age. if you look at it he was just out of a marriage and your young and he just wanted to use you for sex. he really didn't mean for this to happen. so leave for your physical mind and find someone you can trust with out trust there is no love or relationship
2007-02-09 07:03:22 · answer #7 · answered by tlcoufan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl...u're 20!!! you can have anything you want out of this life...open up your horizons and lookin into them. so he cheated on you and you took him back? big mistake. once a cheater, always a cheater!! and then you got pregnant? did you purposely want to do that so he'd stay? =( if both of you want to really repair this, you should go to a therapist that can help you talk things through. make sure you pay attention to his actions, and not his words. i know you're in love, but girl, he's 15 years older than you and will play with your emotions. don't let him. if you really do love him, stay and try to work it out. but no more mistakes on his part...or you and that baby are out!
2007-02-09 06:59:47 · answer #8 · answered by Snki55ed Princess 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you cant let it go now, you most likely never will so you ahve to decide if you can stay with him feeling like you do and how fair it is to you to stay with someone who has broken trust. Its really even more major because he cheated on you with someoe he has children with...meaning he HAS to have contact with her. I wish you well but dont let HIS tears make decisions for you because he should have thought about that when he was out dipping his dip stick where it shouldnt have been.
2007-02-09 07:05:40 · answer #9 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well he did already cheat before, with you, marriage is till death. bet anyways that's not going to help you now. you need to think with your head now, not your heart or emotions. it sounds like he is buttering you up. you first priority is your child, so start taking action on that now. where are you going to live, how are you going to take care of the baby? do whatever is best for the baby. the baby needs a father, but his father is also some other kids father. dang, get help.
2007-02-09 07:00:40 · answer #10 · answered by yaabro 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋