She went through something pretty bad, is there anything I can do?

Question

Here's the backstory, we met in church when she was 15, and I was 17.
We were somewhat involved and eventually got a little serious over the next year.
I left for college when I was 18. It was then that her dad (who's currently in prison), raped her and hospitalized her younger sister.
I found this out when I came back during the summer, shortly afterwards we broke up and I moved to Maine, leaving her in Cali.

This was 2 years ago, I now have a new girlfriend and all, but I randomly found my first gf on facebook just yesterday. I can see now that she is clearly NOT doing well, and I can't help my concern.

My question is, should I do anything to show my support?

Or should I let go and try to forget her (due to the fact that she has obvious emotional issues)? If so, anyone have any advice on how to do so?

Either way I think I need to face this problem now and get it out of my system. I mean she was my first gf and it wasn't your typical break up.

Thanks,
James

Answer 1

Reach out to her, even if it's just as a friend. It will not be easy for her to let you in, she'll be feeling ashamed knowing that you too were intimate but you need to insist (though not aggressively) and be very patient in your prodding. She will let you in, just let her know that you are there for her (even if it's just to listen) anytime that she needs and that you won't judge her, that it was not her fault and you are sincere in your offer.

Most times when something of that nature happens, the victims lock themselves away within themselves. It will take very very gentle prodding and support for them to let you in but they will if they know that you are sincere. And one of the first part of healing, is confiding in someone - someone who is willing to hear it the way that they experienced it.

Go for it and good luck

Answer 2

If you want to be a friend to her reach out and see if she is interested in getting together. Go to a movie, go get coffee, go to an amusement park - don't be too heavy handed, just be present. If she wants to talk about stuff she will, but she might just appreciate the company.

If you are torn about how you feel about here as a friend/gf, then best to let her be. You could just add another confusing hurtful layer to her life.

Talk to your girlfriend about your worry for her and see what she thinks. Don't try to keep it from her - it's reasonable that you care about what is happening to your old friend.

But remember that you can't change her life. You can't fix her. You aren't responsible.

You have to move forward with your life, and if she is a part of that path, then good, but if she is just a part of your past that your feel guilt over, you have to move on.

Nobody wants a friend who is just there to assuage their own feelings of guilt. But if you miss her, reach out and tell her. .

Answer 3

I would recommend not getting involved. There is nothing you can do to change the past, except learn from it. She will find the help she needs when (and if) she is ready. Nothing you could do would change her situation and will only bring you down.

It's a good thing that you care, and knowing that she must be willing to help herself should help you move on.

Answer 4

support her with ever thing you have (mentally)