Okay, I broke up with my boyfriend....?

Question

and it seems to be going great. He understands that I no longer want to be with him, we have children together and he agrees to help raise them, He has a job and things are going (surprisingly) Smoothly!
Now. I am letting him stay at my place until he can find another place. I feel rotten just thinking of kicking him out with no place to stay, but how can I get the ball rolling so that he can leave!
I actually think he is sticking around to see if I am going to change my mind (which I usually did in this case) but I am so done with this relationship. I know he will always be in my life because we have 2 children but I want him to leave. Help? Advice. Should I find a place for him and tell him to go?

Answer 1

I think the longer he stays around the longer he is going to think you guys might have a chance at getting back together. I have been in a similar situation and I just had to let go. You guys have kids together so he is always going to be around but you need to stand firm and tell him that he needs his own place ASAP.

Answer 2

This is another case of people having children without any real commitment to each other! It is so sad and the kids will suffer eventually but you've made your bed so now you have to deal with the situation. Put the kids to bed and sit down and talk like adults. No fighting. No bad feelings. Tell him that although you had enough passion for him to make the two babies, you have grown up more and feel that you have to move on without him in your home. Tell him that you truly believe you will not change your mind but that by him being there every day, you can never be sure of your decision. Ask him to PLEASE show you some respect and make the move. Tell him you will help him find a place of his own that gives you both space but is still close enough that he can see his children often. Then get out the papers and start looking together. Set a deadline date for moving out. You don't say the ages of your children but I have to assume they are small. In that case, just tell them that daddy is going to have his own house and they can visit him there and he can visit them in their/your house. If they are older than 4 or 5 , it is time to respect their own awareness, sit down with them TOGETHER with your "ex" and explain things there as well. Never, ever say anything negative about each other to the kids because you must remember that the kids know that they are created from EACH of you. If you say that daddy is an idiot, you are telling the child that he is partially an idiot. Make your next steps cautiously, jointly, and protect the kids at all costs. Good luck.

Answer 3

ya know my ex is doing the same thing to me as you are to your boyfriend... Weve been together for nearly 2 years, I have a son- its not his, but we met when I was about 4 months pregnant...
Anyways, after I realized that he needed space I moved out - with my son.... WE had talked about things for about a week over the phone, then when we were packing my belongings to move out, he wanted me to stay with him... things were going REALLY SMOOTH! I thought wow, if it could stay this way I just might enjoy it! I would have auctually been happy in the realationship....
Usually when we would fight in the past, we would yell that we hate each other and that we should break up... but we never did...
He always gave in and we would apologize... But this time, hes like a different person... I feel like I dont know him anymore... What use to be good enough isnt anymore...
I guess what Im trying to say in reference to your question, Is dont make him feel like hes worthless.... Dont let him get discouraged about what needs to be done... Dont date anyone else while he is still staying with you...
You could help him find a place of his own and offer to help pack things with him...

I hope something in all this will be useful to you! If nto sorry for wasting your time.

Answer 4

Help him find a place. Use the internet and newspapers and just drive around neighborhoods you think he would like to live in and see if you see any apartments for rent. Also spread the word that he needs an apartment. Someone always knows something. I would also give him a time limit to find a place. Tell him he has 60 days and help him and Im sure he will find something.

Answer 5

This is very diffictly question because you have children. you don't love him anymore? why don't give him a chance to change to make you and he's life become better. If there is not work out. May make a deal with him give you and him a space for a whil.

Answer 6

You definitely need to get him out because it won't be very comfortable when he or you decides to start dating other people. Just have a talk about it with him but the most important part is setting a date for him to be out and stick to it.

Answer 7

What works in this situation, is to give him a deadline. Tell him you care about him, and you want to help him as much as you can but there also needs to be some regulations, cause you both need to move on with your lives. Give him a month or so, and say by this date you need to leave, It worked for me.

Answer 8

I'd say give him a deadline. If he's the dumpee, he's probably going to have a hard time accepting that it's over until you guys are actually apart. Tell him he has by certain date to be out, otherwise direct him to the nearest homeless shelter.

Answer 9

I'd suggest to him to move a little faster with his leaving if that's what you want him to do. Maybe sit down with him and figure out a plan to get him out and on his feet. Or you could just put him out on the street and let him be resourceful. Just really depends on the situation and how sweet or brutal you want to be.

Answer 10

This might get ugly when he realizes that you mean it.Try & have a friend move in or stay with you awhile so he doesnt get stupid.Tell him to find a place or he will be without one.