Help my child is 4 and i still feel depressed?

Question

I have changed so much after having my 2nd Son,I don't know what to do, also I have had so much stuff to deal with it's scarey ,am I depressed or just another parent with 2 kids,having to deal with the day to day stuff,sometimes I feel like, I have been dropped into someone elses life.
My Husband is as much use as a chocolate tea-pot when it comes to everything cept he can work,in other words he helps with nothing else,homework,school play's and all the other parental stuff.

I also work about 50 hrs a week,I have a prof career and the kids are at child care the most of the time,where is everything going wrong ?
All he want's to do when he finishes work is go for a Beer,as for me I have to organise everything for the next day,you know lunches,cloths,homework and all the other stuff
I spose my question is does he give a S*** or should I just dump him?
I am so shattered all the time I don't know whether I am coming or going
Only felt like this since our 2nd son was born.
help pls

Answer 1

Why do people always seem to think the doctor can offer a magical cure when you're overworked, stressed & not being emotionally supported? Your doctor may be able to help by checking your health, but marriage guidance, or some similar form of counselling would surely be more appropiate, as that could convince him to be a better parent & husband?
As a mum I wouldn't recommend tranquilisers cos you need to be alert... then you'll start needing uppers... then there are side effects... a loaded dice!
Do you need to work such long hours?
Can you afford to employ some help (even if it's only a cleaner once or twice a week, so you get a break).
Putting your kids in child care & working 50 hours! a week!!! Gosh!! What are you- an octupus? Super-woman???
Hey! Come on. You are trying to do too much & it's piling on top of you- that's why you feel low. You probably haven't even had time to get over the birth, get your strength & energy back, or have a good cry!
Your poor thing! I feel so sorry for you.
Yes, your man is selfish & lazy but I don't recommend getting rid of him. Your kids need their dad & you need him in so many ways.
I think you both really need to adjust your thinking to realise you need to adjust your life-styles to fit the 2nd child in, so YOU can cope & feel HAPPY.
TALK to him. Draw up rotas. Try to get him to understand your physical limitations & get him to agree to share the work load.

If he still thinks a pint of beer is more important, put the latch down on the lock on the front door & put a pint of beer on the doorstep to greet him when he gets home & refuse to let him in.
Let him spend the night away from you. See if that shocks him into rethinking his ways? That's just a suggestion - open to variation!
Good luck, & well done for keeping your family together for the last 2 years. You're doing amazingly well.

Answer 2

Man in general tend to do what your husband does, come home from work, watch tv, drink beer, eat snacks, or play cards with their friends. Your situation sounds just like "Everybody Loves Raymund". These type of situations have a solution, and divorce should be the last option if there aren't anymore options. I totally understand how much you work and all that you must do to raise your children, prepare them for school, clean the house, etc.

You sit down with your husband and you talk about what is going on, and how is it making you and him feel about it. You also talk about how to lighten up your daily chores, by splitting them among both of you. Give him something else to do other than watching tv and drinking beer. He can do that when all the chores are done, when the kids are taken care of, when there's just nothing else to do. Make up a schedule, write down what needs to be done, and split them.

It is his responsibility to watch over the kids' education, and other needs, not just yours. Does he give a S*****? He makes it so obvious. I know he works as hard as you do, but that's what being a husband and a father is all about. You can't just have children and let mommy take care of them. Effort is needed. Might want to take parenting classes, or some sort of counseling for the two of you.

Answer 3

Have you tried sitting down with your husband and explaining to him how you feel,maybe if you did this not only would he know how you feel but also it would give you an insight into how he feels too. If he doesn't know or understand then how can he possibly help. Money isn't everything so maybe cutting down on your hours at work really would help, not only giving you more time to concentrate on what you need to do but also time to enjoy your children then things may not feel such a burden. Perhaps your husband needs a little wake up call, explain to him things cannot carry on this way and that you do feel alone, if he is not prepared to listen then perhaps a break from each other giving each of you time to think would be a good idea.

Answer 4

Please see you GP you may be clinically depressed. Don't make any decisions about your marriage until you have told your husband how you feel. He may be like most men and is totally selfish,but if you point out what you are feeling he may help. You need help dont be afraid to ask. If you can afford it buy in help to look after the house. Make time for yourself and your kids, have some fun. Your children wont need you forever so enjoy them while they are young they will be grown up and left you in the blink of an eye. I know this is easier said than done when you are feeling exhausted. You will come through this and be a stronger person . Good luck

Answer 5

After my son (2nd child) was born, the realization hit me that after working 8 or more hours a day and putting the kids to be, you only get so many hours with your children. It's a depressing thought. Also, with a second child, I've learned that there seems to be MORE to do. Not only does my daughter have homework, needs dinner and a bath - but my son wants another bottle, needs a clean diaper, and sometimes just wants to be held. It's hard to feel like you need to be one four places at once especially when I walk into the kitchen and realize that laundry and dishes still need to be done! Lucky for me, I have a wonderful husband who helps me out (when he's not working). Try making a list of all the stuff you do (things that need done) and take it to him. Explain to him that you're exhausted and you really need his help. I hope, for your sake, he starts helping out. Sounds like you could really use a break.

Answer 6

Reading all the different things in your life and how you are managing them on your own, I have every respect for what you are doing and you should be proud of yourself for everything you do for your family.

All that said, you are entitled to be happy and to feel good about life, and you need support. Your husband needs to see that if he doesn't buck up his ideas and meet you halfway, you are going to end up unwell, the kids will be unhappy and he is going to lose everything he currently has.

It is NOT unreasonable to expect him to help more - you share a life, a home, kids and probably lots more. I think you need to bite the bullet and tell him straight how pressurised you are feeling, and how you need him to help more so that you are sharing the burden, so to speak.

If he cannot or will not do this, you have to ask yourself if you want to continue like this? If not, take steps to change things, and if that means seperating from him for a while or even permanently, be strong and do it, for your own physical and mental health and that of your kids.

PS Rachybubbles - I think you'll find thatthese days its quite acceptable for a woman to have a career AND children, don't moralise until you've been there.

Answer 7

You work too many hours and need to make some time to spend with your children. Clinical psychotherapist can help out alot. Be honest when to talk to them. I solved my severe depression by seeing a therapist and attend group meetings 3 times a week. Even once a week is good enough. If you are really feeling down and down feel like doing anything, it's a sign of depression. Try to make more good friends to hangout with, the ones you can trust.

Answer 8

Give your husband the hard word ,he should do his fair share of work round the house look after the kids more ,tell him you are having a night out with your work mates ,and see what explanation he comes up with ,do not let him have a easy life .

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Please, as soon as you can, make an appt. with your dr. Let him/her know what is going on, how you feel. If needed/wanted, see about going to a counselor. You may need an anti-depressant for a little while, and you definitely need help around the house. I wish you the best. Take care.