How do I convert anger and pain caused by my ex into strength for myself and my son?

Question

I dont know how to make the transition... I know I want to and need to... How do I stop thinking about all the times he hurt me and all the hurtful things he said to me? I was with him when I was pregnant with my son.... Till now... hes 1 1/2 years old.... He says I will ruin Devons life if I dont let him see him! How do I gain confidence again after hes torn me down so much? He knows he can step all over me right now because Im vulnerable to the pain... How do I put all the pain and Anger and hate and turn it into something else... I need to start all over again with my son....Car, Home, Job, DayCAre, EVERYTHING! Where do I look to find the courage? Encouraging words would be helpful here too!

Answer 1

Hi, I really empathise with your situation. In my lifetime, I guess you could say that I grew up, with a lot of hurtful things said and done to me, so much so that it does have a negative impact on the way you feel about yourself and your self esteem. I am not sure if I can say that I am perfectly fine, but some of the stuff that is useful trying may be:-

this is worth a try, even though it may be novel to you, (i) I know it's hard to forget some of the hurtful things he's said, and I am sure you remember the words and even some of his actions. Why don't you sit in a room quietly by yourself, and as you remember and recall those hurtful words, just IMAGINE those same words being said to you in the MOST attractive, sexy and sensuous voice ever! Try it, i bet that a couple of times of this, and the words won't sound so hurtful anymore! (ii) You do sound like you need some support; everyone does and you're not an island. Please find folks you trust and who will lend a listening ear without feeling awkward or shying away. You would know best who is close enough and who can be depended on. (iii) Devon needs you, now and in the near future - and you'll have to plant all the right seeds for him now. In Devon's world, he'll need to hear, feel and experience all the good, great, and happy things that you can offer! You sound like a really strong, resilient person with a lot of goodness deep within your soul. Devon will benefit greatly from your stability. Stay cool, because you are! Courage is already in you; there deep within your heart. When you close your eyes before going to bed, and if you just spend a moment with yourself - feel the courage dwelling there, deep within.

ha. ha. then finally (iv) enjoy life and stay cool. It sounds like you have a turning point in your life where things are going to get better! the tide's in your favour, so stay cool and enjoy the ride!

take care & God bless.

Answer 2

Look if a woman can handle labor pains we can all overcome everything. but stay strong for u and ur son this might seem impossible right now but belive and have faith. a good way to get over a situation like this is take a journal and write down everyting all your emotions this will help to prevent everyting from being bottled up inside. another way is to pick up a hobbie maybe a dance class something that will keep u focus and the things that u have to keep on also this will help u keep in shape. and i dont blame u for keeping ur lil one away from him somethimes it is for the best . a good thing to do is look your self in the mirror and say iam beautiful and that as long as god is by your side you can overcome anything hang in there sweetie youll find the light shinning though just take each day one day at a time

Answer 3

Life without meaning and courage can really ruin the way life meant it to be.
You did it before and you can survive in the future! It is within you that your life with your son depend on it. Be brave to face the world and the realities that coupled with it. There's no harm when you as a woman will nurture your son up to his golden days. Never give up because of your suffering right now. Think and find a solution, and accept the way what you want in life.
Never give up..pray to the Lord always, he's there always to protect us from harm.
Love the way you live for as long as life tends to unravel the happiness that you are searching for.
Find help to someone that trust with, don't hesitate to approach somebody for help.

Answer 4

Instead of wasting your energy on anger and letting him see how bad you feel at the moment, concentrate on getting your list of things to do, done! you will then be showing him that you are able to manage on yourown and that you dont need him. you will have down days when all you can think about is him and what he did to hurt you, but when that happens try and do something that you've been meaning to do for a while, like writing that letter to your friend, or doing that extra bit of washing thats in the basket...
Another thing, is there something you always wanted to do or buy when you were with your man? Now is the time. Buy that picture that you liked, but he didnt like or thought was a waste of money... show him that you can do things tooo!

Answer 5

Girl right now your son is the most improtant person in your life.. and your babies son he doesn't know what he is loosing....my mom went through the same stuff with my stepdad how she over comed it was by, everytime my stepdad told her something that mad her feel bad she would just tell herself that he doesn't got the balls enough to be a dad and by him telling her all that stuff she convinced herself that he wasen't worth it...let him go become every single day stronger and stronger your baby needs u don't let anything put u down god will always be there for u no matter what!! good luck and best of wishes!!

Answer 6

the first thing you should do is talk to yourself. It may sound crazy but you need to tell yourself that you deserve better. If you can't convince yourself, who can? Any man who subjects his woman to pain and anguish is a poor excuse of a man. try and swallow the vulnerability. it is a gruelsome process and it wont happen overnight. Avoid contact with him for a while until you pull yourself together. Again, you must convince YOURSELF that you are worth more. Until then, he will conintue to treat u the way he does. He doesnt even deserve a dog of his own. Tis! Good luck to you. Pray about it. I wish you well.

Answer 7

The first thing you need to do is look into some counseling.They can teach you positive ways to turn that anger into positve energy.Find a support group for divorcees who have been through what you have.im sure your local health department or mental health can make some suggestions for that.You have got to learn to put this behind you before you can deal with whats going on now.Good luck to you and god bless.

Answer 8

u were getting on before he came along, so u ares trong enought to do it again.

look into that child's eyes and say it to ureself, ' i have to do this' even though u might not feel like it !!

one day at a time, get out of the room, and start off applying for work, get a loan for a car, connect with old friends.

dont be afraid to seek hep, everyone eneds it once in a while. there maybe friends who can help, family, social services, church, work collegues. u have to accept any help u can get

u are able to do it ! u have to !

Answer 9

think about your son and if you want to get back at you ex do so by not worrying about him if he knows that your worrying about him then he will continue on top but if you take your son away from his dad you won't only be hurting your ex but your son as well. just keep things strictly business with him when he come over to see his son act as if your not intrested in him at all and that will kill him more than anything but don't stress youself honey keep you head up b/c you will always have something with that man and thats your son i know how it feels to lose someone you care about so much but i don't have a kid by him so there is nothing keeping us in contact but i'm making so you can too. good luck sweetie and keep your head up if you want to talk more about it you could click on my avatar picture thing and im me of you can email me at [e-mail] and i'll be there

Answer 10

Take strength from the fact that you are not alone.Be strong for all the women that have gone before you and all of the women that will follow.Your child will know his mother as a great provider regardless of their outside influences.I hope this doesn't sound cheesy, but I truly believe in carrying the torch and damn the consequences.