from you two coming together. even though you know that you two want to be together? especially when your mother says that being with that person would ensure that I have disgraced the whole family?
2007-02-09 05:47:29 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i am 23 and he is 25
2007-02-09 14:00:00 · update #1
The question you ask is more a matter of dealing with your feelings for your family as opposed to the feelings you have for some guy. I found myself in a similar situation many years ago. I love the girl very much and she loved me. My family and friends all told me she was no good and told me to dump her. I loved her and I desired her and she desired me. The pressure became so great that my parents threatened to disown me if I did not dump her. I loved my mother so very much and I did not want to hurt her or cause her any embarassment. It seemed I was with my relationship with this girl. I hated the fact that every one talked about her behind her back and I hated even my friends for doing this. She and I decided we had no choice but to part and we both cried the night we separated for good. I wanted to elope with her and leave the town and my family but I was in no position to do this at the time. If you love this guy deeply as you say and you know you can survive with him away from your family then don't let anyone separate you from him, otherwise, you must leave him but you could do at least for some time what I did. You could see him in secret and not let anyone know what you were doing. If you choose to do this you must not even tell your closest friends what you are doing because otherwise they will get word back to your family. I do not envy your situation. I wish you the best....both of you.
2007-02-09 05:58:18 · answer #1 · answered by Lewis P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, there are two unknown points in your question:
Your age (and the other person)
The reason(s) your family have against this person.
If you two are under age, or at least you, then you are still under your parent’s control. That doesn’t mean you must obey them on every aspect, but they have a mayor roll in your life. Legally, you would need to divorce your parents in order to leave home and move in with your significant other. And lets not forget, if one of you is over 18 and the other is still a minor, law will not allow this to happen in 99.9% of the cases. So the solution in this case would be to wait until you both are over 18.
Now, if you two are adults, then is all up to you and not your family. They can advice, tell you what is good or bad, and that they don’t like this or that, but they have no business deciding for you. It is all your own decision.
This is when the second point comes into play for real. What is the reason? What is it that they hate so much that you would “disgrace” your family? Are we talking about a murder? Or a same sex relation (you didn’t specify)?
Still, being an adult means you now know what you want, and what the consequences for doing something are; and being a responsible adult means you accept those consequences and are ready to live with them.
As for your family, they are being also selfish, because they only think about the “family” image, and not about what makes you happy. If you know that you really want to be with this person, and you know that person wants to be with you too, and both of you are willing to make sacrifices to be with each other and make the relation work; then you must confront your family. Unless there is a serious reason, like this person is a serial killer or a rapist, or something really crazy that would put you in danger, then there is no reason for this nonsense. And you must explain that to them.
It will be your decision at the end, and you will have to think about it very well, as it could mean you will loose either the love of your life, or you r family (at least your mother for what you wrote).
Good luck.
2007-02-09 06:27:40 · answer #2 · answered by Dan D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello i'm a muslim girl .. i mean i was not born as Muslim but I'm a Muslim now alhumdulilah.. i want to say that love is not superior than Allah . i can understand your friend's situation but Islam comes first and then comes your family and then everything else.. Your friend should talk to her love and tell him the truths about islam and hinduism,, and then if he is a sensible guy and if he understands the difference between right and wrong he'd probably revert into islam... which is the best thing your friend can do. i'm not saying that she should force him to do this thing, she should make him aware of the facts about islam and Allah the one and only god. And she should make sure that the guy is not fooling around the truths of Allah.. He should not accept islam just to marry her,, this feeling should come within his heart. then only he'd become a true muslim.. and after all this she can talk to her parents about the situation and i;m sure then they'd not reject him. most important thing the girl should not even think about leaving Islam, this is the biggest sin she could ever commit and that to just for the sake of love.. I'm not against love but its not at all superior then Allah and His rules.. I hope this can make her situation better.. do let her read all this.. Thanks.
2016-03-28 23:45:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, it is okay to date someone even if you have no intention of spending the rest of your life with them. Dating gives you the experiences you'll need to pick your mate. Let your mother know this.
Tell her, she may be right. Relationships are hard. Eventually you'll be married to someone, and it will be harder than you anticipate to make it work, and to make it last.
Marriages are hard enough. You should at least start out with the same views of politics, religion and child-rearing.
If your mother knows that you understand what she's worried about, she won't harp on you so much.
But if you're young, and just getting to know men, and to know yourself as a person, then it doesn't hurt to have a lot of varied experiences with dating.
Point that out to your family. And don't let the discussion get too heated. After all, if you spend too much time defending him out loud, you won't be able to hear your quiet inner voice telling you whether he's right for you. And if you ever find out that he's not the one for you, all the times you've argued with your mother will make you feel embarassed to admit it.
2007-02-09 06:40:23 · answer #4 · answered by kate 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who cares! Be with your man! This is your life, not your mother's! If she says these horrible tihngs to you about this man, then she is the one that has some growing up to do. Don't listen to her. If she disowns you and you end up being a disgrace to the family, do not have anything to do with them!! They are being immature and can't accept this person into your life and into your family's life. Tell them that when they decide to grow up and accept this man in your life to give you a call, until then, they can sit on the pity pot about this as long as they wish. I'm sorry your family is this way, I hope you go with your heart rather than stooping to your mother's level. Good luck!!!!
2007-02-09 06:11:00 · answer #5 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That would really depend on why they think you've disgraced the family. If its some ethnic or religious bias, I would say you should tell your family why you love the other person and tell them firmly that you will choose that person over them if you must make a choice. But if your family has other objections, you should seriously consider whether or not they are valid. My parents tried to warn me about my then-boyfriend's many faults, but I chose to think they were no big deal. Now I'm sorry we didn't get a lot of premarital counseling.
2007-02-09 06:40:43 · answer #6 · answered by lc1967 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Love is blind. Trust me, they see something that you don't. You are better off in the long run to not stay together. You will regret it one day if you stat together. Family knows best. You have your family forever. I have seen this too many times with others and myself. If your family is against your relationship, it will never work. I know that is not what you want to hear, but it is the truth.
Sorry, and best of luck to you.
2007-02-09 06:08:02 · answer #7 · answered by HD1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As long as you are both over 18, screw the family crap.
You two are fully interested in each other and you are not marrying them, the family personally, (Oh, too bad..).
I don't understand why some families seem to think they have to be the one to "choose" someones life mate. I hate jealous people as well.
If you both are in love, do what both your hearts desire.
Who or what says that your family won't pull this BS on another potential mate again and again?
IT'S YOUR CHOICE.....LISTEN TO YOUR HEART.
2007-02-09 10:05:58 · answer #8 · answered by HowFuzzyWuzee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like Romeo and Juliet.Love knows no boundries not even family.Ask yourself this, Is this my life or my mothers to be be happy in ? Your mother sounds very controlling when she should be loving and understanding.She cannot live your life for you.She cannot chose who you love.We learn by making our own choices and dealing with the consquences good and bad!
2007-02-09 06:03:21 · answer #9 · answered by miss-snoopy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st of all~ I don't know how old the 2 of you are! If you are older (18 and up) then you should follow your heart! It's your life and your a grown person with a mind of your own! My husband turned his back on his sister cuz she didn't approve of our union; but we don't care cuz we're in love and know that we belong together!
But if your younger you may want to listen to your family; they may know whats best for you!
2007-02-09 06:09:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋