Should I leave my alcoholic wife after 34yrs from her recent 5yr affair with old HS boy friend?

Answer 1

After 5yrs you are considering this.

Answer 2

Even though this is a really tough question to ask, I would imagine that deep inside you already know the answer and you're looking for someone to tell you what you're feeling and thinking is okay.

Only you know you and your wife and the situations and what you mean or perhaps don't mean to each other. 34 years is a very long time. Obviously, something needs to change but that change can come in many forms.

I didn't think I would say this but maybe seeing a marriage counselor would be a good idea. Together would be best but if she won't go it can be of benefit for yourself to have someone objective help you sort through the history of your relationship, the thoughts and feelings, the options available and the hopes you are looking for. lt is clear you are hurting and being with someone in that hurt can help to clarify what it is you need to do and to decide.

Even that can be hard. Many people don't believe in that kind of thing and it takes admitting that there is a problem, which you have had the strength to do here. A professional can also provide support through the process of either working things out or moving on to a future apart. It really helps a great deal to not have to make these decisions on your own but to have someone not involved be an eyewitness to your experiences.

I hear your pain and can only imagine the sense of betrayal and the struggle you are facing. I wish you the best and hope that things will be better in the end.

Good Luck and Take Care of Yourself

Answer 3

Yeah. I was ready to leave my alcoholic wife after a +35yr marriage. The only affair she had was with the alcohol. But if she didn't go for treatment I would've left for sure.

I understand some of what you have been going through while living with an alcoholic.
Trust me, if she doesn't want to work on her addiction to alcohol & her marriage then you are way better off leaving.
It's not the past 34 yrs you should worry about, instead think about the rest of your life. :)

Answer 4

Absolutely yes. She will never change and the thing with alcoholics is that they can be very draining. They will suck the life right out of you if you let them. Alcoholics will always do things that hurt others and use there addiction as the reason when it's really their character, or lack of, that makes them do these things. Seek counseling if you can, for yourself so you don't repeat the cycle. You deserve way better than what your getting.

Answer 5

Oh honey~ you have most definately gotta leave her! She's just going to continue to make you miserable. I know that you've been with her for a long time and you're probably hoping that it's a phase she's going through and that it will pass~ but she's never gonna be the same person you fell in love with! You have to cut ties and move on; no matter how painful it is at first! If you need someone to talk to then e-mail me!

Answer 6

A 5 Year affair is pretty serious. You need to ask yourself if you can forgive her and trust her again. If not (and you have to be REALLY honest with yourself) then yes, you should not be in that marriage anymore. But alcoholic and in an affair? She sounds like she is really unhappy and might not want to be in the marriage herself, hence turning to drinking and another man. If that's the case, why would you want to stay with her?

Answer 7

if she is an alcoholic u probably don't have such a wonderful marriage anyway, if she is having an affair she doesn't love u, and even if she did stop what she was doing, when would she do it again to u? sometimes it is best to cut our losses and just be gone, not because we don't love them but because how can we invest anymore with a person who has betrayed us and hurt us? when the trust is gone so goes the marriage.

Answer 8

No, she's a drunk and that's causing her to feel like she is a piece of carp. She's not, she just needs to stop drinking so she can be herself again. Remember her without the alcohol and you've found your a friend and your friend again.

Answer 9

wow, 34 years is a long time. Maybe she was going through a serious identity crisis. Only you know your wife. Consider: Is she a mean b!tch or does she have a low self-esteem and no identity outside of being your wife.

Answer 10

so, she's remembering getting the works behind the bleachers...good for her!

if you had been delivering the goods for 34yrs, she wouldn't have bothered getting back with him!